It Goes On - Book l

The Wreck

I'm feeling a bit better, but I'm not all quite there. I was very productive today at work and I spent some time with the horses a bit longer than I usually do - just watching them eat and enjoy their company. It sounds silly but hearing them munching on their hay and grain was therapeutic for me. Although it's freezing here in Montana, I somehow wasn't affected by how cold it was, only wearing my sweater that I had worn to work. No additional jackets or gloves... I couldn't feel anything physically, but mentally, I felt at peace. 

*

Simon's Point of View:

I never wanted Price and Kyle to leave. Hell, even Alejandro and Rudy. We were all so content and at peace while we were all together, and it was the first day of the New Year, ending their almost two week stay with us. I had grown so used to being around the ones I enjoyed being around, and having to watch a portion of that happiness leave tore a piece from my chest. Especially with Price leaving after his Christmas gift to me and Johnny.

Official paperwork for an honorable discharge. A permanent close on our military careers with life-long benefits. Was it hard? Yes. Was it something I wanted? Yes and no. It was all I ever knew – all I've ever trained for. I looked forward to retiring when I first started just because I hated doing P.T.

But now that it was a reality, it hurt a lot harder than I thought. No more missions, no more deployments, no more shitty MRE's, no more risking my life to defend my country... That chapter was now closed, and I could easily fall into a depression with this reality, but with a much-needed discussion with Kiera about it, I felt better about it. She assured me that I had done my part and that I deserved this, but at the same time, I felt like my service wasn't complete. I can't explain it, nor do I think I ever could, but the best way I can explain it is that I enjoyed being "retired" when I had the option to go back. But now, I lacked the option and would expect an immediate denial if I were to inquire about it, and that is what gets me.

Johnny showed more anger about it than I did. Being younger than me, he felt that he could easily go back into the field once he had fully recovered from his injury, but Price didn't see it that way. Johnny was a father now, and he was barely mentally and physically prepared for having a baby, let alone returning back into the service. He had a shorter fuse when it came to his temper compared to me, which is surprising considering I had to go through a lot of therapy in my younger years due to my anger, especially when I was denied entry back into the Army after my four months of torture by Roba.

Fuck, my jaw tightens every time I think of his name. His death was too good for him when I sent his soul to Hell, but I knew the Reaper was going to have a field day with his sorry ass. Although he deserved a more painful death, I knew I couldn't bring myself to do it. Wasting a few bullets on him was good enough.

I was better than that and what he did to me.

Price and Kyle were still in the service as well as Alejandro and Rudy. In fact, they had informed me of another deployment taking place in Mexico. Valeria had escaped prison after being convicted of illegal drug transportation as well as multiple homicides, and Price and Kyle were planning to accompany Alejandro and Rudy in going after her, and as much as I wanted to join them, I knew it was for the best, but Kiera's emotions had rubbed off on me when I had realized...

Price would have to find a replacement for me and Johnny, and that fucking hurt. Johnny and I were a crucial part of the Task Force, and I knew that our absence was going to be a big role to fill.

At that thought, I wanted to beg and plead for the role I had worked so hard for. The younger part of me would have blamed Kiera and our kids from keeping me from this, but I knew it wasn't their fault, nor would it ever be. I loved my role in the military...