There Can Only Be One

More Time

"Hello Jessica, please sit." Doctor Burke says

"Hi, I'm her husband Sam Shepard." Sam shakes hands with the doctor then sits down.

"Nice to meet you sir." He nods

Jessica sat in the lounge chair nervously twiddling her thumbs. Her hands became sweaty. Sam put his hand on her thy. They were all ears as the doctor sat down.

"Well Jessica, we got back all of your scans and test."

"What is it, do I have cancer?" Jessica leaned forward.

"I'm afraid so... Your test came back positive. Your lump is cancerous. I'm sorry, I would recommend having it removed."

Thoughts quickly began swimming through Jessica's head.

The kids, Sam, my family. Cancer can't be my life now.

Sam reached over for Jessica with tears in his eyes. Jessica stared at the ground clenching her fist I'm frustration and anger.

"So after the lump is removed the cancer is gone, right?" Sam says desperately.

Jessica looked up to hear the doctors response.

"Sadly, no. Jessica tested positive for HER2. HER2 is when the cancer has spread throughout her body. We call it metastasis. From Jessica's CAT scans it seems to be that the cancer as spread to Jessica's brain. Jessica, you have stage four breast cancer. Our team and I have come up with a plan for you. After your lumpectomy I recommend four to six months of chemo and radiation to slow down the cancer. While you're on chemo we have multiple different medications also."

"Are you saying that your drugs and treatment plans can help me get rid of this? That in six months this cancer will be gone?" Jessica says in a shaky tone.

"As hard as it is to say, no matter how powerful the chemo is.... there is no way that the cancer will be gone."

"Are you saying this is my death sentence? That I'm going to die from cancer."

"Jessie, don't say that." Sam says

"Mrs. Shepard, I'm so sorry."

"Is it terminal?"

"There are women that can go on five years. But yes, in a way metastasis cancer, or HER2 is terminal."

Jessica covered her face and cried loudly.

"The kids!" Jessica cries

"Mrs. Shepard. I would really like to get out that lump. As for chemo, radiation, and medication goes that is all up to you and if you would like to slow down the cancer. It's a hard and long process, but that part is all up to you."

Jessica looked at Sam.

"I want to be here longer. I'll do everything."

"The cancer is moving quickly. So it would be good to start things as soon as possible. I would like to schedule your lumpectomy for Friday and start chemo the following week. If you do decide to do this we need to start now. It's a very fast process."

"What about the kids, how are we going to tell them?" Jessica says

Sam runs his hands through his hair and sighs.

"I would say call a close family member and have them stay with you for a while. Once you start chemo it will be hard for you to function and honestly a little hard to take care of the kids."

Jessica nods and wipes away her tears.

**

The car ride was very quite and depressing. Sam was mumbling to himself and Jessica looked out the window. She had pan flits in her hand. One was about How to tell your family, another was on the first months of chemo, coming to realization that you have stage four cancer, and the last one was labeled this isn't the end.

Jessica glanced over to Sam who was mumbling to himself.

"Sam, talk to me." Jessica says with teary eyes.

He continued talking to himself.

"Sammy please..."

"This isn't fair! Is there even a god? You are such a good human. How could this happen to my wife. Cancer! This can't be. You can't have stage four! Jessica you can't go through chemo."

"What? Sam! What do you mean I can't go through chemo. It's my only chance of having more time. I'm not going to pass up on opportunity to have just a couple more months or years with my kids and with you."

"Jessica, you'll be miserable. You'll be so sick. Chemo is so hard on people. Are you sure you want to go through that pain?"

"Sam if it means I get to be here longer and see my kids grow and be with you I will do it. No pain is greater than knowing that you can't live your life fully and that you will miss so much.Do you not want me to?"

"I don't want to see you in pain."

"You don't want to see my bald. That's it."

"No! You going bald has nothing to do with it. You being so sick and miserable. Seeing you like that is so hard on me because I want to take it all away but I can't because it's above my power. I love you, I don't want to lose you. I won't lose you. I won't let you leave this earth. We are suppose to grow old together. See or grandchildren, watch our kids walk down the aisle. I need you there for all that."

Jessica cried.

"This is hard on me too! But if you were me and you were told that this horrible disease you have was your death sentence, that your life expectancy is at the most five years, you would want to do everything you can to stay just a little longer so maybe you can see your kids grow up a bit, grow a little old with your husband, have a few more family holidays. I'm willing to go through that pain so that I can value precious moments. So I can soak it all in before I go. Before this thing beats me. I can't more time. I want more time with you Sam. I want to see Camden grow up to be like his dad, and I want to see Kennedy grow into a young lady. I'm doing the chemo, radiation, and drugs if that's what it takes. I'm sorry if you don't like it. I just want more time."

Sam pulled the car over and rested his head on the steering wheel.

"This isn't fair. You are only so young. Our kids are so young, we haven't even had our twenty five year anniversary. When the kids graduated we were suppose to go on a big vacation. I don't want your last days to be you hooked up to a bunch of drugs that just make you wish you were gone. I don't want you to be even more sick from the chemicals they put in you. Let's just run away. You, me, and the kids. I'll take you all somewhere warm and we will stay there forever."

"Sam... No..." Jessica says taking his hand.

"I just want you forever. My wife can't go through this pain."

*

I'M SO SORRY!!