There Can Only Be One

Breastfeeding

"Grandma! Grandpa!" Kennedy hands her suitcase to Sam and runs into her grandparent's arms. Jessica and Sam follow.

"Ken! How are you! Look how grown up, and you are walking so much better." Jessica's mom says and she looks up and smiles at her.

"Hi mom, hi dad," Jessica says slowly walking over to them. 

"Look at ya. So pregnant, beautiful." She gives her a hug and kiss.

"Don't remind me." Jessica laughs going over to her dad as Sam goes over to Jessica's mom.

Dorthy whispers to Sam- "Is she in the moody stage?" She giggles. Sam shakes his head then starts to help with the bags.

On the way there, Kennedy chats away catching her grandparents up on everything. Then Dorthy changed the subject to Jessica.

"So Jessie, when is the shower?" 

"That stuff isn't really for me mom. I don't want one." Jessica looks over at Sam who had a grin on his face.

"But honey, I have always wanted to throw you a baby shower!" 

"Sorry, mom." 

"Well tell me, is it a boy or girl?" Dorthy turns around.

"It's a boy!" Kennedy says in a loud tone.

"Oh, my goodness! A boy, how amazing!" Dorthy tears up and reaches for Jessica's hand.

"Well, Sam, a perfect opportunity to teach someone how to play catch! I will have to teach you first." Albert laughs along with Sam and they start to go on about sports.

**

After the long drive home from the airport, Albert, Sam, and Kennedy went to go get ice cream as Jessica stayed home with her mom.

Jessica laid on the couch and put her feet up, reading baby name books. 

"Hey darling, watcha got?" Dorthy walks over to the couch and sits down, putting Jessica's feet on her lap.

"Baby name books. I had so many for a girl, but I am stuck on ones for a boy." 

"Well, there are so many, I bet you two will choose a great one!." Dorthy starts to rub Jessica's feet.

"Thanks, Sam never does that." Jessica laughs and puts down the book.

"So honey, I wanted to ask you something." 

"Yea?"

"Are you planning on breastfeeding?" 

"I don't know mom, I was reading some cons about it. I don't think it is something I want to do."

"What? Why? You sisters breastfed."

"I know, but mom, I am going to have a baby, breastfeeding just makes everything harder, it's time-consuming, I will be working and it will be hard to make a schedule. It is very painful, I can get infections, fatigue, I don't know."

"Well, that's a pretty selfish answer Jessica Lange! Those are the cons for you but think about the pros for the baby. You aren't taking a break from work for the baby?" Dorthy sits up and stares at Jessica. Jessica sits up straight and pulls her body away from her mom.

"Selfish? Mom, it is my choice. Clearly, you aren't the one having the baby." Jessica stands up and picks up her book.

"Jessie, when you were pregnant with Jennavive, all you did was talk about how much you wanted to breastfeed, why all of a sudden has that changed?"

Jessica tears up from the sound of her daughter's name. "I am done with this conversation."

Jessica leaves the room and goes upstairs, waiting for Sam. 

**

"Grandma! They got a new flavor of ice cream at the store!" Kennedy runs in with a big pint of superman ice cream. Sam walks over to Dorthy, looking for Jessica.

"Hey Dorthy, where is Jessica?" Sam walks around peeking his head through the house. Dorthy pulls him aside.

"Well, I was talking to her about breastfeeding, she was telling me why she didn't want to do it, and I asked her why she changed her mine. You know, because she had a plan to breastfeed with Jennavive. She got upset and went upstairs." Sam looks at Dorthy than dashes up the stairs  and into the spare room.

"Baby?" Sam knocked on the door, slowly opening it. He saw Jessica on the bed, holding a small bear with a pink bow. It was a gift she had gotten from Jennavive's baby shower, she slept with it every night. 

"Jess, your mom told me. Right when I heard her say her name, I wanted to make sure you were okay." Sam walks in closing the door shut and locking it. Jessica picks up her head and moves her body from the center of the bed to the side making room for Sam.

"She is so annoying," Jessica grunts and holds the bear.

"Your mother didn't see she was wrong until now. She didn't mean any harm, but she should have dropped it after you told her your plan wasn't to breastfeed." Sam hops on the bed and wraps his arms around Jessica. She lays her head on his shoulder.

"I know, it's just hard to explain." 

"What is honey? You can tell me."

"I had all these plans with her. I made a schedule, I had a feeding plan, everything. I was so excited. It was the one thing I couldn't wait to start." 

"And you feel that in a way, it is replacing her, and your plans you had with her?" Sam looks down at her.

"It sounds silly, I know." 

"No, it doesn't. You know sometimes when I think about this baby, I think him as Jen's little brother. I think about a lot of things and boy do I wish she wasn't taken away from us. But god gives us obstacles and new opportunities. This baby, is another chance, to do all the things we planned to do with Jennavive. We can have the same birth plan, possibly feeding plan, sleep plan, everything. Not that Kennedy was a way for us to use them, but you know what I mean. Honey, we can't get scared and have the thoughts of replacement in our heads. If you don't want to breastfeed that's fine, you can always look into it, okay?" Sam takes both arms and wraps them around Jessica kissing her on the cheek.

"I miss her every day, it's been overwhelming. I have gotten this far into my pregnancy, and sometimes I just want to keep the baby safe inside of me."

"I understand, this baby is coming, and he will be the best little brother to Kennedy, and we will have so much fun."

Jessica laughs. "You're right." 

"Now, look into breastfeeding, think it over and we can talk about it, okay?"

"Okay." Jessica rolls over and hugs Sam.

"Can we just lay here for a while, I am so pooped." 

"Haha please."