Wait For It | a Hamilton fanfiction | wattys 2017

Chapter 131

The stage was slightly chaotic as Kaley ran around throwing her costume on, trying to make it in time for 'Non-Stop'. Luckily, she made it to Carleigh's side of the stage before the song started.

"How's Carleigh feeling?" Pippa asked Jazzy.

"She went back to the hotel. She shouldn't have done act one, to be honest," Jazzy said.

"Well, you know Carleigh. She doesn't do things halfway. It's either hardcore or not at all," Pippa reminded Jazzy.

"That's true."

'Non-Stop' began, and Jazzy hurried to her own spot. Something about 'Non-Stop' always made Jazzy happy. Maybe it was the utter chaos onstage, or the amazing overlap of melodies. Either way, it was a genius song.

After the first act was over, Jazzy almost ran into Daniel.

"Hey, have you seen Carleigh?" Daniel asked.

"Um, she went back to the hotel. She's sick," Jazzy said. Daniel looked disappointed.

"Oh, okay."

"Why, do you need her for something?"

"We had a date, but, it's fine," Daniel said. "I figured that no one would like the new guy. It's just what I expected."

"Oh my god, Daniel, that's the opposite. Carleigh was sick yesterday, too. It's not a sudden thing. All the ensemble girls like you, and Pippa and I like you, don't worry. You're an infinite number of times better than James. Trust me, we like you."

Daniel still looked despondent.

"Listen, if you really think no one likes you, then ask them. They'll tell you something a lot different from what you're expecting."

"It's not easy being the new guy, you know?"

"You're doing a great job. Keep it up, and don't worry, Carleigh's not trying to ditch you."

~~~~~~~~~~~

The whole 'avoiding Jessa' thing wasn't really working out for Lana. It stressed her out that Jessa didn't really talk to her that much anymore. It felt like they were growing farther apart, not trying to 'get to know each other better' or become better friends. It was just... odd between them now.

It wasn't hostility, but it definitely wasn't friendship.

After the show, Lana changed quickly so she could find Jessa. She headed down to the girl's dressing room.

Kaitlyn was undoing her hair, Araella was eating a fruit roll-up, and Jessa was taking off her mic.

"Hey, Lana!" Araella exclaimed. "What's up?"

"Um, I wanted to talk to Jessa," Lana said awkwardly. Jessa looked up from her mic.

"Right now?"

"Unless you wanted to meet up later to talk, now is fine with me."

"I was going to go straight back to the hotel to check up on Carleigh," Jessa told her, looking slightly confused and bewildered. "She wasn't feeling well."

"I know, but Jessa, can we please just talk about this?" Lana begged.

"About what, Lana? I've been trying to give you space, and let you come out to your family, and just get used to the fact that you're interested in girls. I'm sorry if it's not what you wanted, but I think it's what you need," Jessa said, a little sharply.

Lana barely noticed Kaitlyn and Araella sneak out of the dressing room.

"What I need is someone who's there to talk to me about it, not shove me into the deep end and yell 'swim!'"

"That's not what I'm doing," Jessa snapped.

"I confessed everything to you, and you're treating me like some gum that accidentally stuck to your shoe," Lana said angrily.

Jessa set down her mic and turned around to fully face Lana. "Listen, I know you want me to tell you everything's going to be fine, coach you through it, and immediately accept the fact that you've been in love with me for months, but not everyone has the luxury of immediate acceptance, Lana. This is life as a gay person, alright? You think everyone in my life accepted who I was?"

"All I wanted to know was if you still even were considering our relationship, when you don't really seem to think about our friendship side, either," Lana shot back.

"Of course I care about our friendship. If I didn't, we'd probably have dated and broken up already, okay? I'm making sure that this is what you really want. Once we start dating, there's no going back. Even if one of us decides that it isn't what we want, then our friendship isn't ever going to go back to the way it was."

"Do you know how long I thought about telling you? A long time. And once I did, and made sure I was ready, you tell me to double check my logic?!" Lana exclaimed.

"That's not what I meant, Lana. It's just... just because you've accepted your feelings for me doesn't mean you've accepted yourself. I can tell, because if you had, you would have told your family. That's what matters the most. They're the ones who will always be your family. Someone you date might not always be the most important person in your life, but regardless, you can't lie to your mom, your dad, or your sister for the rest of your life. Even if they don't accept you. They have the right to know."

"It's easy for you to tell me to come out to them, when you never had any problems with it."

Jessa stood up. "It wasn't easy to come out to them. My brother hates it, alright? My parents don't like it, but they're not about to shout from the rooftops that their 'perfect' daughter isn't as perfect as they want her to be."

"You always act like it's easy," Lana said, frowning.

"I'm not lying to my family, or myself, about who I am. Once you start accepting the truth, then it'll be easier, too."

"But why are you making me do this alone?"

"You need to make sure that this is what you really want. Because if things ever went badly between us, it's impossible to turn something back into how it was," Jessa said. She grabbed her bag off the back of her chair.

"Jessa-"

"Goodnight, Lana."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

oof well this is an emotional chapter