From Something To Everything (Bounprem)

73. Guilt

Ohm had just ended facetiming his parents when the door bell rung. As someone who rarely got any visitors, Ohm wondered who it was. He peeped through the door camera. The guest was someone he had least expected to show up at his doorstep at that time, Boun.

He quickly opened the door and saw his cousin standing there at daze.

"Boun...Oi...Boun." Ohm snapped his fingers in front of Boun. The latter snapped back to reality and looked at him and wordlessly walked into the house leaving behind a confused Ohm at the door.

When he got to the living area, he saw Boun sitting on the couch, leaning against the backrest with his eyes closed.

Ohm sat in the couch next to Boun's and watched Boun without saying anything, waiting for the latter to start speaking. Tiny alarms were blurring in his mind. The last time he saw Boun like this was when Boun was about to have a breakdown. Then he didn't know the symptoms and had left Boun to his own devices and regretted it later.

Not being able to take the silence any longer, Ohm asked "What happened, Boun?" He was sure that there was something bothering Boun that made him like this and he wanted his cousin to let it out.

Ohm was confused seeing no reaction from Boun. They had only parted ways a few hours ago after concluding the final workshop before the shooting for the series officially started. He couldn't help but worry about what had happened in the short span of time.

"Boun, what's bothering you?" Ohm asked cautiously, not wanting to trigger Boun in any way.

Boun opened his eyes and sat up but still kept his mouth shut.

"What are you sulking for? Prem had been sticking to you all day long for the past few weeks. Even Fluke has been taking care of you." There was a hint of jealousy as Ohm said the last sentence. He was trying to get Boun to speak.

"Prem's Por had a cardiac arrest." Boun said in a small voice.

"Then what are you doing here? Why aren't you with him?" Ohm's eyes were wide in shock.

"...and his mother collapsed hearing the news." Boun mumbled.

"Boun! Why didn't you go with him? He would need you at this situation. Even if you can't do much, you could provide him with moral support." Ohm urged.

Boun looked at his younger cousin with glossy eyes.

"Stop being emotional and get up. Just give me a second. I will go change and come. I will drive you to the airport." Ohm stood up in a hurry.

"No need." Boun stopped Ohm by holding his wrist. "Both of them are alright, now."

"Still, you have to visit them." Ohm frowned at Boun's attitude.

"I am a total ass, Ohm." Boun clenched his hair looking at the ground.

"Wow! That's a whole new piece of information to me. Thanks for letting me know." Ohm said sarcastically and sat back down. "You are being much bigger ass sitting here idly instead of flying to Chiang Mai with Prem."

"I wasn't there for him when he needed me the most." Boun's voice was laced with sadness and helplessness.

Ohm wanted to whack his cousin's brain at the moment.

"I should have been with him. I should have been with him..."

Ohm felt that he was watching some daily soap drama in which his cousin was playing the lead role. He crossed his hands across his chest and stayed quiet listening to Boun's rumbling.

"I blame him for everything. I blamed my Pao for everything that had gone wrong between us. Even when I knew that the fault laid with me. I was the messed-up person in the whole thing. Still, I threw all the blame on him. I clearly knew that he was not at fault for anything. Anyone in his position would have reacted just the way he did. I was a jerk to him, Ohm. A total dickhead." Tears rolled down Boun's cheeks as he spoke.

Ohm realized that things were more complicated than he thought and something really serious had happened between Boun and Prem.

"You know what, I was afraid. I was too afraid to stay around him any longer. Afraid that his presence beside me would affect my life, my choice...my feelings. That's why I pushed him away...more like I shoved him away... I left him first...I decided to end everything with him... I decided end what I start without realizing that I was not the only person who was involved... I didn't consider Prem or how he would feel when I suddenly..." Boun felt a lump in his throat, preventing him from speaking anymore.

"Boun... I am unable to follow what you are trying to say. Can you explain everything from the beginning." Ohm knew that Boun had already created a huge mess for him to clean up. But he didn't mind doing it. He was more concerned about Boun's mental state.

Boun started narrating the story from how he met Prem, pursued him, got him into bed and their exciting sleepovers. He was completely tears when he explained how he realized that his feelings for Prem was crossing the limits of being just friends with benefits evoking a sense of crisis within him. He had pushed Prem away from himself without thinking about the aftereffects. Only after he did something so stupid, that he realized that those feelings he had for Prem was no joke. He badly wanted Prem back but was too scared to take a step forward.

He grabbed Ohm's hands, thanking the latter for bringing Prem back to his life. He sobbed and explained how he lost control over his emotions when Prem ignored him and kept distance with him and ended up physically and sexually assaulting the younger.

"You did what???" Ohm couldn't believe that Boun would stoop so low as to rape Prem out of jealousy.

"He forgave me, Ohm."

"But that doesn't justify your actions. What you did is morally wrong. He loves you; he cares for you. That's why he chose to forgive you. You owe him an apology." Ohm stated in a serious tone. "Yet you are still treating him like shit."

"I know Ohm! I know that!" Boun yelled. "I was selfish. I only thought of my feelings, my pain. I didn't even bother to consider the fact that he would have felt the same pain as me at the time we were apart. Maybe his pain was greater than mine, because he had already his feelings for me then."

"What happened now that you suddenly came into a realization all of a sudden?" Ohm asked the reason for the current situation. He knew that Boun wouldn't be coming to his house to rumble and confess everything without a major cause and this realization was starting to give him a slight headache.