From Something To Everything (Bounprem)

100. Drink the pain away

"That's enough, Boun." Ohm snatched the glass from Boun's hand and took away the half-empty bottle of whiskey.

"No, give it back... I want to drink." Boun whined sitting on the carpet.

"No means no, Boun. You have already drunk so much. Don't forget that you have a shot early tomorrow morning." Ohm placed the whiskey bottle on the topmost shelf of the cabinet.

"Who cares about the damn shoot." Boun laid on the fluffy carpet. "I want to get drunk tonight. I want to forget everything."

"Cut it out, Boun. You are overreacting." Ohm placed his hands on his hips looking down at his drunk cousin.

"Me?" Boun pointed his finger at himself. "'I' am overreacting?" he sat up with great difficulty. "Didn't you see want happened earlier? Didn't you see how Pao reacted? The way he looked at me?"

Ohm looked at the ceiling and exhaled deeply, composing himself before squatting down. "Boun, get up." He tried to hold his cousin.

"No." Boun shrugged away Ohm's hand. "I don't want to get up. I want to drink. I want to drink till I pass out."

Ohm gave up and sat down next to Boun on the floor. "Boun, you are thinking too much. It is just a matter of time that-"

"What matter of time, Ohm?" Boun interrupted Ohm "What matter of time? Didn't you see how uncomfortable he was when I accidentally touched him? we have slept together for god's sake. Not once but several times. I have practically memorized every inch of his body... yet... yet... he is behaving like this." Unknowingly tears started flowing down his eyes.

"Dude, are you crying?" Ohm found Boun's reaction weird. He hadn't expected the latter to start crying all of a sudden.

"I am a loser, ain't I?" Boun sobbed. "Fluke had already handed me every single piece of evidence, every clue one would need to trap those people. All I have to do is present them in front of those geezers and confront them. I couldn't even do that."

Ohm stayed silent letting Boun vent his emotions.

"I was supposed to make him happy, keep him safe and I... I dragged him and his family into danger. Those people... they have... they have always treated me like their own... as if I am their son too... but in return, I put their lives in danger... they almost got killed because of me..." Boun clenched Ohm's clothes tightly. "No wonder Prem wants to stay away from me. Who would want to stay with a guy who endangers him? Who would want to be with me knowing that I am useless?"

Ohm slowly rubbed Boun's back. "Boun, you need to calm down. You are not useless. And I don't think that Prem would ever think of you like that. He cares a lot about you. I can feel it, dude. Even if he doesn't show it openly, even if he is keeping his distance from you, I can still see that he always keeps you as his priority."

"Cut the crap, Ohm. You are only giving me hope." Boun pushed his cousin away. "You know what? When I first met him, he instantly caught my attention. It was as if I can't even look away from him. Initially, I thought that it was just because he was different from my usual prey, but I was wrong, terribly wrong. When we slept together, when we grew closer, I was happy. So happy that I wanted the time to stop. When he promised me that he is going to stay by my side, that he will build a home with me, I was over the moon, Ohm."

Boun hugged his knees. "But look at what happened now. Everything is gone. The promise, the attraction, the care... every single thing is gone. The only thing that is left is disgust and aversion. He is not coming back to me, Ohm. Not anymore." He buried his face between his knees, crying his heart out.

Ohm didn't know what to say to console his cousin. He was not good at handling such emotional situations.

"Boun, do you realize that you are in love with N' Prem?" he slowly asked, tapping Boun's shoulders.

Boun lifted his head and nodded. Ohm smiled and continued. "And that this love is different from the love you had for Colt?"

At the mention of Colt, Boun whipped his head to look at his cousin questioningly.

Ohm relaxed and leaned against the footboard of the bed. "Back then, when you were head over heels in love with Colt, you behaved the same. Even a little distant behaviour from Colt could send you into a panic frenzy."

He glanced at his cousin who had stopped sobbing and was staring at him intently. "But, even when you panicked so much, you never had any fear. The kind of fear you are feeling now. The fear of losing your Prem. The fear that is coming from here." He poked Boun's left chest indicating his heart. "Do you know why?"

Boun shook his head feeling clueless about the question Ohm threw his way.

"Because... you never really loved him... you did like him... but never loved him... at least not romantically." Ohm could see Boun frowning at his words. He chuckled and continued.

"Back then, you only wanted attention. All your actions, all your antics, everything was to get attention from the people around you. Especially from your dad and Mom. You acted rebellious, got into trouble, almost got yourself kicked out of the school, everything to gain attention. To let them know that you exist."

Boun didn't deny it. Ohm was just speaking the truth. It wasn't a surprise that Ohm knew all these. After all, he had been Boun's best friend ever since the day he was born.

"That was when Colt came into your life. He showered you with all the attention and care you longed for and you were instantly captivated. He had you in the tip of his figures completely like a slave. You would blindly follow anything he said without a second thought. And you named this relationship 'love'."

Silence. Pin-drop silence.

"I am not blaming you for falling into his trap, Boun. I understand. You were just a kid back then. Unlike me, your mom and dad never spared time for you. It was only normal that you longed to be taken care of." Ohm cleared his throat. "But the problem was that you met the wrong person and that was where your life's journey started going west."

"Why are you bringing up the past all of a sudden, Ohm?" Boun felt a lump in his throat as memories flashed before his eyes.

"I am bringing up the past because I want you to realize where you have gone wrong."