lauren // tig trager

62. Goin home

Brea heard the boys arrive back but didn't move from her bed. Her hands were red from all the scrubbing she had done, her eyes drained from the crying. There were no tears left for her to cry for anyone or anything. The boys' conversation didn't last long. As heavy feet stomped down the hall, walking into their rooms for the night, she waited for her door to open. When it did, Chibs walked in, his face dirty and he looked as drained as she had.

"Are y-" she went to ask but was interrupted.

"Padraic died today" he confessed in hopes of her comfort.

"Want me to feel bad? I saw someone die today too, right in front of my face. Had a nice talk with your wife and had a gun to my head" she spewed.

"Then leave" he shrugged.

"That's it? That's all you got? You can't fight this out? Or even try to?" She asked as she stood up.

"We can't be together if you think this shit is too intense! This is my life, love, and you're a part of it now. That's what you chose, what happened to you today, that isn't on me" he shouted.

"You want me to be okay with murder? With my life being threatened? With kids lives being tossed around as if it's nothing? That's not normal, Filip, we both know that! I won't let our kid grow up like that"

"Then what do you want from me, Brea!" He shouted "what do you want me to tell you to fix us! Me loving you isn't enough, so tell me what is!"

"Act like you want me to stay, like you care for me. You seem more focused on loving Fiona than me! Everyone lying to cover your ass about her. I don't know why you just couldn't tell me!" she yelled in his face.

"Well now I'm not, I'm tellin you all truth and ya ain't likin it!"

"Ooh, God I hate you! I hate this! What's happening to us? Should I have stayed back in Charming, maybe? So you could have your few days with Fiona, forget me for a while?"

"It's not like tha' with us, lass! I don't love her like I love you! She's the mother of my child, I can't not love her"

"Divorce her, Chibs" she whispered.

"Love, it ain't that easy"

"Why? Why isn't it Chibs? I'm sure Jimmy wouldn't mind!"

"It's just not that simple" he sighed.

"But it is! Sign papers, if she doesn't, that's not on you. But if you can't find the balls to leave her, I'll leave for you" Brea ran a hand through her hair, putting on her coat, grabbing her wallet and cigarettes.

"Where are ya goin?" Chibs asked her.

"I need to smoke"

"Just do it here, please" he begged her to stay so he could be with her longer. He missed her.

"I need to go outside, get out of here" she shook her head, walking past him.

Chibs stopped her, grabbing her by her wrist.

"Get off me" she growled.

"I won't let you leave"

"Let me go, now," she whispered, her voice cracking "I need to do this"

"No, no you don't Brea, not if we love each other" he pleaded as if he knew her intentions.

She pulled her arm from his and left out the room. Walking past Jax, but he stopped her seeing her distress.

"Where ya going, darlin?" He asked, looking down to her.

"I need a smoke, and some air" she sniffled.

"Hey, you two alright?"

"Fine" she lied with a small smile.

He let her go and watched as she left in a rush. Walking past their room to get to his he saw Chibs on the bed, smoking a joint. He held his head in his hands, small sniffles coming from him.

"Brother, are you two okay?" Jax asked, standing in the doorway.

"I messed up, Jackie and I don't know if I can come back from it"

"What do you need?"

"Divorce papers for Fiona"

"We can make that happen" Jax nodded toward him.

Brea walked alone on a cobblestone sidewalk. She walked fast as if she knew where she was headed. Smoking a cigarette in the dreary weather of Belfast. She stopped once to count her money, see if it was enough to fly home. Chibs made sure she carried a lot on her, for any situation that may come up where she'd need it. He never intended this situation though.

She waved down a taxi, climbing into the backseat with a deep sigh. The old man looked at her through the rear view mirror.

"Where to, love?" He asked with kind eyes.

"Away," she whispered "airport or something" she clarified.

"Belfast really that bad?" He laughed as he started to drive.

"Just the people" she spoke, looking out the window as he drove.

"You must hang with the wrong people"

"Yeah, I do. That's why I'm leaving," she nodded "know anything about the IRA?"

"Messy business, love. Shady men who want money, nothing good comes from them"

"And Jimmy O'?"

"Charming lad from the outside but a heartless man inside. Everyone knows that name, he plays dirty as well. Got enough money to buy anyone off and keep his arse safe from peelers," he shook his head "heard he cut an army medic really bad, long ago and had him banished from here. Wonder how he's doin today"

"He's alright, he's a lovely wife and daughter. They're happy, back in Belfast right now actually" her voice wavered.

"That's good, I'm glad for him"

"Me too"

At the airport she stood rummaging for money.

"Rides on me, lass. I think you'll need the money more than I do" he shook his head, denying her money.

"Yeah? You mean it?"

"Yes, I hope you and the Irish lad fix things. Safe travels" he smiled as he drove off before she could say anything else. She wondered how he knew Chibs was her boyfriend, maybe it was just a wild guess.

Walking to find a stand to buy a ticket, she held her passport in her hands. Walking to a woman in uniform, placing her hands on the counter.

"Where to, tonight?" She asked with a dull smile.

"Las Vegas, Nevada. I'm goin home" Brea replied with a sad smile.