lauren // tig trager

78. Let's go for a walk

"She's not fond of me?" Lauren asked as Tig walked to her.

"Just cautious, wants to protect her daddy, you'd understand that" he laughed, teasing her about what she had called him earlier.

"Shut up" she laughed, poking him in the side.

"Come on, doll. Let's go for a walk or something while I'm here"

"Tig, your daughter is here seeking help for her bulimic sister and you wanna go for a walk with me?"

"She comes asking for money every now and then, Gemma will call Colleen and get a yes or no about her story this time. It's usually no, so until we get that confirmation from Gem, I'm not worried. Give me an hour with you, alright?"

"Sure," she nodded "one hour"

He took her hand and they walked outside. Dawn was talking to Gemma, Bobby and Chucky. Brea was still in the office, not wanting to intrude on family fun time outside. She had been alone in the office for a couple of hours. Her mind was racing, filling with unwanted thoughts and no distractions from them.

"Daw-Margeaux, Lauren and I are going for a walk for an hour or so. We'll be back though" Tig told his daughter.

"Alright, I've mama Gemma to keep me company. I'm sure we'll be fine" she smiled.

As Lauren and Tig got further out, Lauren got thinking. She looked at him every now and then, contemplating on wether to ask him or not.

"Jesus Christ, doll. What is it? Just tell me" Tig sighed, not able to ignore her stares any longer.

"Why don't you want kids with me?" She blurted out.

"Do you see Dawn? Hear about Fawn? Mom is gone, I'm alone out here and rarely ever see them. I can't let you have our kid and have that happen again. Not with you" he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"But I've nowhere to go, Tig. Nowhere else I'd wanna be, I'm here, baby" she stroked his arm.

"I'm scared, doll, I am. Just, give me time?" He suggested.

"Yeah, of course" she nodded softly and looked away.

"It's not that I don't want us to have kids, you know that, right?" He restarted the conversation.

"Tig, it's alright, I promise" she reassured him with a squeeze of his hand.

*****

Gemma let Brea off for a second for herself. She took the time to light a cigarette and smoke out at the picnic tables, everyone had cleared out and was in the clubhouse. She flicked the cigarette around between her fingers, contemplating on wether to burn herself or not. Those were the tamest thoughts in her head at the moment. She had gotten so bad without even realizing it and it killed her.

"We've ash trays" Jax spoke as he saw Brea about to press it to her skin.

"Jesus fuckin' Christ" Brea jumped and dropped the cigarette.

"Brea, if you're strug-"

"Skip it, Jax. I don't need sympathy from you or Filip or Lauren or Gemma. I'm over it, I don't need help" she shook her head, trying to stand and leave.

"He's worried about you, Brea. It's making club business hard when his mind is elsewhere"

"That's his problem to be worrying when he shouldn't. I'll be fine, Jax"

"Brea, please. Let someone in, let someone help. They have psychologists and therapists"

"No more, I did it when I was fifteen and again when I was twenty four, now I'm thirty two and I don't need it" she shut him down as she stomped back to the office, leaving Jax to sigh to himself.

*****

As night fell, Chibs and Juice went to Tara's to get Juice patched up. Gemma gave a confirmation, Fawn had nothing wrong with her. Tig still gave her the money though. Gemma, Bobby, Tig and Lauren saw Dawn off. Tig closing the door for her as she waved out the back. Chucky ran after, waving furiously.

"You gave her the money, didn't you?" Gemma asked.

"Oh yeah" Tig nodded, closing his eyes briefly.

"You know she'll back back for more again"

"Yeah. That's my princess though, I love her" he smiled, biting back tears of his own.

"Well your queen is right next to you, take care of her now" Gemma smiled and pat him on the shoulder.

Chibs glared at Juice as he laid on Taras kitchen table, being stitched up. He just wanted to be home and check on Brea. She wasn't answering her phone and he was filling with nervousness of why. It was about ten, she shouldn't be asleep just yet. And she wasn't.

Brea stood in the bathroom, bottle of pills in her hands. She didn't think anything through about what medicines would kill her and which wouldn't. She just wanted it to be over. There were no positive thoughts and nothing was there to pull her out of it as she downed the bottle with vodka. She cried apologies into the air as she laid herself in bed and went to bed.

Chibs had raced to drop Juice off and get himself home. Skipping steps as he jumped up them to their room. He saw Brea in bed and sighed, taking it as a good sign. Tapping her for a response but she didn't move. His heart dropped and eyes went wide, flooding with tears.

"Brea, love," he mumbled as she stayed still "oh, mo ghra, what'd you do? What'd you do?" He cried over her as he pulled his phone from his pocket.

He dialed Jax quickly, to get to Tara and to him.

"Jackie, I need you and Tara. B-Brea, she's done something bad and won't w-wake up. Jackie, please" Chibs sobbed into the line, not knowing what else to do other than hold her body.

"We're coming, j-just hold on. Make sure she's breathing. God, make sure she's breathing" Jax breathed into the phone as he dressed himself and got Tara up.

"Please, lass, stay with me. We can do this, we-we can make it together. I can't do this without you, I can't"