lauren // tig trager

109. Scared of myself

"What was that?" Tig asked as he ran outside.

He turned the corner to see Happy standing watch over a crying Lauren. His heart dropped and he knew just what went down. He charged towards Happy and knocked him down.

"On our wedding day, asshole ?" Tig growled, holding Happy by his collar.

"Not my idea" Happy shrugged.

Tig turned the next corner to see the guys around Charles body. He shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose before retiring his hands to his hips.

"I can't believe this. Tonight of all nights"

"He was smart enough to know not to show up here" Clay shrugged.

"To his only daughters wedding, Jesus Christ, she's the reason he left, to keep her safe. But he just, he still couldn't keep her away, could she?" Tig scoffed at himself.

"Tig, brother-" Chibs tried to reason.

"Don't. Please, don't anyone talk to me. I'm taking my wife home, clean this up, get rid of the guests. I need to be home with my wife. Now"

Tig left the boys as he walked off, picking Lauren up off the ground. He carried her to her car and placed her in the passenger seat while he went to the drivers side to drive.

"Your bike" she said, staring out the window.

"Don't worry about it, I've screwed up enough tonight" he drove off the lot.

"I knew better. I told him he wouldn't die" she couldn't finish her though without a sob ripping through her throat.

"I'm sorry, doll"

"I just wish I could go back and tell him to not come. God dammit," she punched the dashboard as she cried in pain deeper than physical "I didn't even know the guy, but he was my father and now he's gone. The worst part is that I should hate this club now, but I still love it"

"The club really has that effect on long term users" Tig made a joke, not on purpose.

"I just wanna go home and lay in bed with you" she leaned up against his arm and he laced his fingers with hers.

"Yes, my princess" he kissed her hand.

*****

Brea had lingered past the time when everyone else left. She kicked around a balloon on the ground of the dance floor. Juniper was in her arms. The once packed barn was now a ghost town. She heard footsteps and looked up to see none other than Chibs.

"What do you want?" She looked back down at the half deflated balloon.

"To talk to ye" he sighed.

"Talk" she sighed, closing her eyes.

"I'm sorry, mo ghra"

Juniper cried, feeling the bad tension from the two. She had to get to bed anyways. Brea had been selfish and made her stay up way past her bed time. She walked past Chibs with the baby.

"You're not gonna listen to me now?" He asked with his arms up in defeat.

"I've to get home, get my daughter to bed, alone" she emphasized his regrets as she was already buckling her in the car.

"Brea, please listen"

Brea got in her car and took a deep breath before letting out a sob. She gripped the steering wheel tightly as she cried. Chibs shook his head and ran to her car, opening the door. He lifted her over the console and into the passenger side. She didn't put up a fight, knowing he'd win. He started the car and placed a hand on her thigh as he drove off the lot.

Chibs stayed downstairs as Brea took control with the baby. Putting her to bed while he waited for her downstairs. She changed and took her time hoping he'd leave sometime. She came down and he was still waiting.

"Not tonight, Filip. I've no fight in me" she sighed and ran a hand through her hair.

"Good, just listen," he said as he walked towards her "I love ye, love, I do. I'm just realizing my lifestyle and it's no lifestyle everyone can live, especially with babies. I want to be with you, but I don't want to see you leave. Don't wanna see you or Juniper to get hurt or killed because of me and my club. I won't leave the club behind, that's my family and if I get hurt, that's my life in my hands. Now, now I'll have your blood on my hands and I don't want that, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I can't imagine losing you or Juniper, so if leaving is the way I know you'll be okay, even if it breaks my heart, I want that"

"I'm not leaving. So you can stay or you can go. That's all I've to say to sum it up," she shrugged with a shake of her head "I can't do it alone so I'll stay with my family, here. I'm already in and I'm not backing out now"

"I'm not leaving you either, mo ghra"

*****

Tig and Lauren laid in bed, Lauren still in her dress and makeup. He spooned her, holding her close to him. She held his hand close to her face, placing small kisses on his knuckles.

"I shouldn't have brought him, Tig" she whispered.

"You can't blame yourself for it, he chose to come knowing the risks. But he sacrificed that to see his daughter down the aisle, even if she was marrying a son"

"I had a gun to my best friends old man. Who am I? What have I become, Tig?" She cried.

"A strong woman. A SAMCRO woman"

"I'm scared of myself, Tig. I've never been scared of myself aside from my addiction. I took a gun and held it to another mans head. That isn't strong, that's murder" she shook her head, not taking Tigs suggestion of her being strong.

"Doll, you sound like you need to take a deep breath and sleep on these thoughts. We can get you comfy and ready for bed so you can do so"

"No, just, just hold me like this, right here and never let go" she pulled him closer to her.

"I vowed to that today. I'm never lettin you go"