Michael Clifford Imagines

Please don't go

1. Please don't go ~ Michael Imagine

By: 5sexonds-of-smut

No one understands. No one at all. Whether they just don't or even if they try, they just don't. Even Michael, even though he tries so hard, he just doesn't get it. Everyday is a struggle. Every god damn day, and it never gets easier. It never lets up. Even if i'm having a good day something will creep up on me and ruin it. 

I suppose i don't truly want them to understand even though i do. I mean, if they understood they would get why i do what i do. But if they understood they would feel the way i feel and i wouldn't want to see people i care about suffer like me. 

I spend a good amount of time in the bathroom. It's quiet, small and private. Basically it's my serenity. I can go in there, blast my music and be completely shut off from the world; for hours on end if Mikey isn't home. Which is something that's been a big part of my problem lately, Michael not being here. I understand his responsibilities to the band and have no problem with that. It's just, even though things are always bad. They are at their best when he's with me. 

I don't like pain, never did. I'm terrified of needles and remotely anything sharp which causes me more issues because, i feel that one thing a lot of people us as a release i can't because i'm too scared. But i'm also kind of glad because i don't want people to see my struggles and see that i'm struggling. I don't want the physical scars for anyone to see, not even myself. 

Locking the bathroom door i slid my back against it until my bum hit the ground. I've been felling my lowest low recently and i can't shake it, it's been weeks. I've stopped talking to Michael about it because all it does is make him worry. And all he should be worrying about is himself, and the band. Not what i'm going through. My music was blasting and my thoughts were swarming causing my head to pound - all i wanted to do was scream. 

My body shook as i tucked my knees to my chest. Michael wasn't to be home for another few hours and i just couldn't take it anymore. I didn't know what to do. The bad thoughts just kept on coming, there was no stoping them. All the snide remarks from people, the way i felt about myself physically and mentally, the added depression of not being able to pull myself from my rut i was stuck in. All that flooding over any good thoughts that might still remain. 

Opening up the cabinet i grabbed the sleeping pills, i had dumped a few into the palm of my shaky hand. I stared at them for what felt like years, contemplating the results of my actions if i was to do so. Weighing out the cons with the pros i dumped a few more over into my hand before tossing them into my mouth. 

It would be better for everybody. Better for me because i won't have to suffer with these demons inside me. Better for everyone else because they won't have to try and understand anymore. Michael won't have to worry about me anymore while he's trying out live his dream. He can go on to do the great things he's destined to do without me holding him back any longer. 

My vision grew hazy as the room seemed to spin. The sound of the music became muffled. I mumbled aloud an, "I'm sorry Mikey." Even  though he wasn't there to hear it before i passed out. 

Michael's POV ~ 

We got to finish early today and i couldn't be happier. The more time to spend with [Y/N] the better, for her and me. I'm going to miss her like crazy while we're on tour but i'm still working on convincing her to come along. She keeps saying she's only be holding me back if she comes but i disagree. 

Walking through the front door of our shared apartment. I yelled up to her but got no response. Figuring she was just upstairs and couldn't hear me i brushed it off. Making my way to the kitchen i grabbed a snack before heading to the bedroom so we could cuddle. I loved [Y/N]'s cuddles. As i walked into the room i sighed as i could hear music blasting in the bathroom and the door was closed. I knew all to well what that meant.