The Alpha's Saviour

Chapter 47 - What Could Be Worse?

Jaycee's POV:

My eyes remained glued to the floor during our walk back to our cells. Even the guards were quiet, most likely shaken at hearing one of their own was murdered. I had overheard that Sadie was the one who killed him but had a strange feeling that wasn't the case. If she wanted him dead she would have used her chance earlier. I believe she was effected by seeing all the blood on his face making her lose temporary control of her beast. Nothing other than the sounds of our coats brushing against eachother, could be heard the entire way. All of us completely naked beneath the thick material, accompanied by the thick smell of sex. 
My thoughts kept drifting back to Viren. Flashes of the past kept mixing with the present, creating a story that made no sense. His gentle caresses and the times he made me feel alive, morphed into the monster I saw today. Past flickered with the present, playing a endless have of tug of war with my heart. How was it that I was unable to see his emotions when looking into his eyes? I had felt them earlier in the lounge but it I was getting nothing from him since entering the room. How did he feel no pain, and no guilt at what he did to me? How did he go from feeling sorry and protective of me to.. nothing?

I thought he was different, that maybe he would be the one to save me, even before realising he was my mate. But since discovering he was my mate in that lounge, my heart swelled with a new feeling. For the first time, in as long as I can remember, I had hope. It only lasted for a few minutes before he grabbed hold of it with both his hands and yanked it hard from by check, taking with it my heart. Stupid me. I believed he was different to the monsters around us, but if anything he was worse. 
I wondered if he hadn't saved me from Jeff that day if it would have been better. Yes. Anything was better than being raped by your mate. 
I will never forget Frosts howls of betrayal. The sound so full of heartache, and pain, it would bring the strongest person alive to their knees. It left a gaping hole in my chest. My wolf hadn't spoken a word since it happened. I got nothing more than whimpers from her. She closed her self off to me not wanting to think, or feel. She curled up in on herself making her look small and insignificant. 
I felt angry, betrayed and so confused. Was I delirious?" There were no sparks." I whispered realising too late it was out loud. Layla turned to me, her own tears filling her eyes. 
"Me too." She whispered back. I frowned before she gasped. "Did you find your mate?" She asked hopeful. 
"He is not my mate. He is nothing to me now." I say gritting my teeth in anger. I was surprised I hadn't chipped a tooth. "What did you mean Layla?" I ask as her words finally sink into my mind. 
"Remember I told you the first day I was raped I felt nothing, which made sense because Byron already has a mate?" I nod "Then the second time, he didn't hurt me. If anything he treated me like a goddess worshiping my body and uncaring of taking care of himself. That day I felt sparks. My wolf had said mate so many times that I wondered if it was possible. But then today I was raped again, but there were no sparks. I think im loosing my mind." She says looking just as defeated as I felt.

I reached out wrapping her in my embrace, bringing her head to my chest in an attempt to protect her from this world. "In that lounge room when.. he was enraged." I could speak his name. It was impossible. 
"Viren?" She questioned making me finch. She squeezed my hand before I could continue. "I felt his power, Layla I felt no ones pain as it washed over me." I held in a sob that desperately wanted release. I knew if I started crying now I wouldn't be able to stop. "It was as though I was spared from feeling everyone's emotions, while still being able to label them. It was as though I could breathe again. As though I had only just come alive. There was something different about him today and it.." I paused realising how weak my next words would sound. "It.. gave me hope. Hope he would save us."

"What.. did he do?" She asked, muscled tense preparing for my answer. Thinking it and hearing it were two different things. 
"He stripped me and used his magic to hold me suspended in the air. My arms and legs were stretched wide, leaving me vulnerable and exposed to Jeff as he stroked himself, watching everything.. he.. was doing to me. I begged him Layla. I begged him and said I would never forgive him. He forced himself in, and took everything from me. All my hope, my misguided trust, my innocence, and a future with my mate. It's all gone in the blink of an eye." That was it, I could no longer hold it in. The dam broke free as we cried, clutching eachother tightly. 
An hour had passed before we curled up in a ball. The blanket and Layla's body heat were the only things keeping me warm. I didn't think sleep would claim me tonight, then again I didn't think I would get raped by my mate either, so shouldn't have been surprised when I was proven wrong. 
A small tug in my head had me feeling drowsy. It was a silent command that my body was too exhausted to fight. I closed my burning eyes embracing the darkness, and willing my brain to forget realist, even if just for a while.

I was greeted with the familiar landscape. The soft cumulus clouds caressed my feet feeling soft and cool to the touch. The sky was the same beautiful backdrop of cotton candy pink and sunset orange. This place felt familiar and safe now. It was the only place where my nightmares couldn't reach me.

"Jaycee"

I spin around startled by the sudden sound. Of course he was here, he was always here. The only constant in a world full of surprises and the unknown. There was one thing different about him this time though. Rather than getting lost in the purple flecks in his red hypnotic eyes, I was seeing a tired, worn out reflection of myself. My eyes were puffy from all the crying, and it looked as though the life had been sucked out of me. Because it had. 
He wore black sunglasses, so dark it hid everything that lied beneath. He also wore black leather gloves that matched his boots, and the red leather jacket that always concealed all his hair and half of his face.

"You know, for someone who I have seen every night for a while, I still don't know your name?"

He smirked but it looked strained. Something was wearing him down today. I could see it in his posture, though without looking into his eyes I wasn't able to confirm his emotions.
"I have many names, but you my beautiful Jaycee, may call me anything you like."

I blush, not understanding why his words had an effect on me, especially after meeting my mate today. The reminder sent a pang of pain through my chest making me clutch it, as if it was a tangible object I could remove. 
His gloved hands reached out for me the second he sensed the change in my demeanour. Could he tell I was in pain? Even if he could, he had no idea how crippling it was. I suddenly forgot how to breathe, panic consuming me. Before my legs gave out from under me, his strong arms rapped around me, bringing my head to his chest in a iron clad hold. 
Shhh.. I'm here now. I'm so sorry I couldn't spare you from what happened today. I know what happened Jaycee and I promise you.."

"Stop!" I hiccup through my tears. "Stop saying you're coming for me! I began to believe you, granting hope a place in my heart. I even started hoping my mate would rescue me." I let out a exasperated laugh. "It's time I stop expecting others to save me.. especially now that there is nothing left of me to save." 
I felt his grip tighten, his hold acting as a barrier. It was an attempt to protect me from the world around me, but he could never take my pain.
"I know what he did has hurt you, but let me put you back together. I'm real Jaycee, and to prove it, when you wake up look inside the bucket in your cell." I look at him with wide eyes. He can't be serious? 
"Just give me two days. I'm promise I'm coming for you, and once I have you, I'm never letting you go." 
I wanted to believe him. In the name of the moon goddess I did, but hope wasn't something my shattered heart would make room for again. "It won't matter, there is no fixing me." I say meaning every word.

"Of course there is." He says putting some distance between us, only to grab hold of my face and lean down to my level. I wished to see his eyes. My own reflection, bounced my own pain back at me.

"You don't understand." I whisper. "My pain is irreversible. It's not just what he did that has destroyed me, there are some things worse than rape. My only goal now is to help these girls, but I will do it myself, or die trying."

"Wait Jaycee.. tell me what you mean by that?" His hands moved to take hold of my shoulders. His panic was plausible as his grip on me tightened. "What could possibly be worse than rape?"

A few seconds of silence passed between us as I found the courage to answer him.

"Being raped.. by your mate."