words from a broken soul

Understand

Understanding it's instinctual in nature
Yet no matter what someone won't grasp
Your perspective on something it's natural
Unfortunately I have a good grasp with the
Psyche yet I never wanted to it was thrust
Onto me to survive a hell that's still got its
Sharp claws embed into my soul when I
Was in high school I took two psychology classes
Never paid attention in them hell my last
One was during my senior year I just read
In class because it was genuinely easy to pass
I took both to fill my schedule that was all
Funny thing is a lot stuck but I already grasped
The basics of psychology before I even took
The class funny thing is the world sees kids
Who have a mature grasp of the world as old souls
In reality it's always because the kid has to
Mature faster than they ever should no one
Likes thinking about it but that's truth we all know it
I was immature yes but behind the facade of a mask
Lied someone who was understanding of
So much yes I've done bad things none of
Which I'm proud of but who hasn't in life
Understanding it's instinctual in nature

Yet I was a silent observer in a home filled
With malice towards people for no reason
Was fed lies by the mouthfuls brainwashed
To hate someone who was rarely seen just
Because a fucking narcissistic bitch hated them
Funny how after leaving hell I wasn't as reserved
I understood I was lied to most my life
Trust is something I don't count on for it
Breaks faster than a glass house against a hurricane
I'm a calculating person and strategic in games
Yet I'm always distrustful of humans for I
Saw just how nightmarish the species can be
Doubly so when its done to you by your blood
Understanding is instinctual in nature

Now I'm just someone carrying a curse
Of half dead blood keeping me alive
My grasp on my psyche is shocking with
The past I went through and what caused
The broken and fractured mind within the mind of mine
I understand a lot of things treat them as
A science to better understand yet what is
The psyche for the brain is just a living biological
Science marvel yet I'm only interested in
The psyche and byproducts of  an abnormal
Psyche for mine isn't normal I'm a ghost
In the crowd controlled by strings connecting to
The corpse that is my body I blend in to
The background observe try to understand
Wanting to help get a bleeding heart always
Wanting to make people feel heard for I know
What's it's like to suffer in silence battling
Unknown horrors that friends don't know
Are just a daily occurrence for you I lived it
Understanding it's instinctual in nature

Yet what happens when only you understand something
Don't get cocky for hubris is ones downfall
And you're the only one in your circle who
Understand this something but you're not
The only one in the world with an understanding of the topic
For example I understand the psyche yet
My friends probably don't have the same
Level of understanding the psyche yes
I've become intimate with the mind young
Had to just to survive growing up know it's
Just another thing I can talk about easily
Because I understand how the mind with in the mind
Can easily be altered or broken by events
And I understand those scars from the events
Will never leave anyone the claws are latched
So deep in ones mind the best you can do
Is mitigate the damage a flashback has
After you've been dragged down the cliff
Fight like hell to stay in the present the
Past it's best forgotten yet the demons
Love to remind us of our ptsd so fight
The demons of the past that have been
Enburdened on to us by someone sick motives
No matter what I understand I'm not the
People who raised me yet it doesn't stop
Understand is instinctual in nature

The fear I'll be like them if I have a family
To call my own I understand that me seeing
The blood for survival as a curse won't help
Me from breaking free of the curse yet even
Then blood is half dead to me for what
Was done was done no going back only
Mitigating the damage my mind does to itself
Funny thing is understanding is half the fight
The other half is remain calm even as you're
Being subjected to memories we wish were
Nothing but Ash gone with the wind sadly
The brain can only repress these memories
To the point they feel destroyed understand
That those memories will rear their ugly head eventually
Just be prepared to fight your mind and body
To right itself into the present won't be easy
But it's better than drowning in the darkness
That's shadowed over your psyche
Understand the past and adapt to the present
Understanding is instinctual in nature