words from a broken soul

Mirror

I've have a particular analogy of myself a broken mirror
The things I went through growing up they
Broke me
Mentally emotionally physically
But I pressed on

I don't like looking at myself in mirrors
The look in my eyes so pitiful
The pain is apparent in my eyes
Never like being called handsome
My molester would always call me that

The word handsome leaves a bad taste because of that
Always thought myself average when
Looking in a mirror
It's a thing most rape victims think
That also happened to me

Growing up my dead beat of a father treated
Me like shit because I was a boy
To quote him "he's not mine I can only have girls"
The reason to me is because he likes raping them
Or just my oldest sister at least

But he raped me too
I woke up in the middle of it
Hands and feet bound
Punched every time I sobbed
It would happen so often

To the point I just stopped caring
I escaped through my own worlds
At that point I was introduced to
A lovely thing called video games
I would just pretend I was in the world's
Of the games I've played

Now all I can see myself as is a broken mirror
Constantly breaking
Attempt to fix it
Gotta break a piece to make it fit
Self portrait guess what broken mirror
Thanks to imposter syndrome

The mirror frame constantly changes
Every time the mirror gets broken
Some days I just stare at the pieces
Wondering what's the point to
Fixing it when it keeps breaking

Then I start wondering why should I keep
Living a life I didn't want
Should I just kill myself like the voice says
The only thing preventing me
Is the people I'd leave behind

Humans think suicide is selfish or cowardly
But they're never there for the friends that
Are suicidal they wonder why they couldn't
See the signs when the friend does it
It's because we hide it

You never know what's going on with your
Friends because you don't check up on them
And when you do the friend is so used to
Hiding the pain the thoughts the urges
You gotta look deeper into your friends

To truly see the signs pay attention to the
Smile a lot of us have a fake smile
But we've been using it for so long that
It'll fool most who don't know us
Or even some of our friends fall for it