words from a broken soul

Missing

I'm missing things yet I don't care
But I really do I'm own twisted way
I fear what will happen to those
Close to me missing how important
I am neglecting myself need to cry
Yet the tears won't flow they fight
Against the need to get these emotions
Out so words shall suffice nothings good
With me more anomaly than good don't
Remind me psyche is fractured and broken
Hell left me altered yet it was bearable
When I could escape it never feels right
Alone feels hollow back then still does
I'm missing things yet I don't care
But I really do in my own twisted way

I'm always a ghost be silent and small
Can't be harmed that way was the lie
I chocked down from myself you'll hurt
Yourself through betray by oneself more
Then you'll realize stating it's with it in
The end was it truly worth it you'll
Always be wondering if it was or wasn't
Yet why did it take me so long to realize how
Much you meant to me back then
I know deep down why just don't
No can't force the lie down I can't
I was missing out on things anyway
I'm not social lived through vivid nightmares
If only they were nightmares I could write
Them off yet I can't help but view humans
As such got used to pain of being a misfit
To misery in life that I distrust us as a group
Rather the knife be plunged into my back
With my own hands and you made the hell
I lived in somewhat bearable yet I was still
Cold and numb even now funny how I'm
Able to accept the past yet it still lurks
In the shadows of my mind unkillable
I'm missing things yet I don't care
But I really do in my own twisted way

Got plenty of battles I hide behind my mask
So much depression and anxiety I forget
The world around me even forget myself
Shadows hiding demons that haunt me
Heartache I try to make go missing yet
It's as stubborn as I am memories that
Don't feel real yet I know they are but
How many got turned to ash by fire
Did they add to the weight pressed onto
My ashen soul like the pain which was
Etched into my brain with no care to
The suffering I was going through will
I ever have answers for the questions
That constantly have bouncing in my skull
I fear the answers will keep eluding me but
Is that a good thing or a bad thing I really
Don't know doubt I have a say in the matter
Got emotions I rather kill then accept but
I'm not one who's good in many mental ways
Let alone emotionally got neglected so I'm
Not very good with emotions rather ignore them
I'm missing things yet I don't care
But I really do in my own twisted way

But that's not healthy a lot of things aren't
Healthy with me but that's life when you've
Been traumatized repeatedly not much is
Healthy in terms of how your brain works
In regards to emotions or mentality coin flips
Are more reliable then me in a lot of ways
Yet why is it just me and you doing our own
Things fun how I missed those times back
When we were kids shit happened no one
Couldn't predict how funny high-school had
Us come back together as friends realized
How much I missed just talking to you but
Well life is a chaotic hurricane in the grand
Scheme of thing but fuck don't know how
Much longer I can deal with my own pessimistic nature
Always told myself prepare for the worst
And it won't hurt as much but I was naive
I'm missing things yet I don't care
But I really do in my own twisted way