dolan twins imagines

✧ i'll be good - ethan

play song

-💞-

it's been hard. adjusting to loneliness, learning to be alone again. waking up and turning to face an empty pillow, the bed sheets cold. sitting up and too see our- my, my room dark. staring at my reflection in the mirror... looking at a stranger.

i look at my scarred hands, my anxiety flooding me. my heart races, but at what?

oh... yeah. that.

my body becomes numb as i lay back down in a hurry, pulling my feet under the covers. my eyes are now covered with a shiny coat of tears.

i cant live with myself.

i need her.

she is- was, she was my baby. she was my bestfriend. she was my precious little angel. she was my favorite thing ever.

me... i made her miserable. i couldn't fucking help myself... my anger issues had to get the best of me. she was the one to help me with my emotions... but now that she's gone. i didn't mean to start a fire... i didn't mean to make you bleed...

i ruined her.

i yelled at her.

called her things that weren't true.

why?

why?

how am i supposed to live with this guilt? all the years i was with her... she was living in pain. HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO LIVE WITH MYSELF? GUILT LAYING ON MY SHOULDERS LIKE A BOULDER?

calm down, ethan. remember what y/n always told you... breathe in, breathe out. close your eyes and think of things that make you happy. that's what you have to live for. the good things in life.

but i can't. the only thing that makes- i mean made, made me happy was her.

and my stupid ass lost her.

the one thing i love, needed. her.

well.

i cant go back in time and fix things. oh boy, i wish i could.

so, i'll be good.

i'll be a better man today.

i'll show y/n that i can be good. i can be a good person. she'd like that.

i'll love the world like she did.

these thoughts i'm having right now... they... they're making me happy.

am i waking up?

-💞-