ᒪIᗷᖇᗩᖇY ᖇᗴᐯIᗴᗯՏ 2.0

🔖 Broken Heart

Author : aminnu

Reviewer : ScarletHeartFictions

• COVER : 8/10

The cover itself is amazing and it definitely had my attention. But I don't see why you used the silhouette of a man as the main focus because as of now (five chapters) there was no introduction of a man as a main character. If there is a male protagonist, I think it would be best for you to introduce him in the first five chapters to make it more relevant.

• TITLE : 7/10

The title though is very common, it immediately clicks with the mood of the cover and the blurb. But as you said yourself, your story is quite spiritual - your title made me get an idea of a heartbreaking love story or of a struggling person. But still, if 'broken heart' really does resonate with your book, I suggest hinting it's relation in the first few chapters.

• BLURB : 7/10

The blurb definitely could use some work. Let's start with the grammar first;

In the 'but a grave misunderstanding' part, 'but' should be replaced with 'by'.

Then, 'it's better to disagree to agree' should be rewritten as 'it's better to disagree than to agree'.

'at the midst' should also be rewritten as 'in the midst'.

The reason I always point out these mistakes separately is because when they are made in the blurb the reader gets the idea that your writing is inconsistent and sloppy, hence most turn away from this point.

Now moving on, I feel like the first and last line of the blurb don't need to be changed. I would only suggest you to work more on the middle paragraph. Get a little more into it. Tell us that their paths, their fates clash and intertwine into a strong bond of friendship. If your characters become really close let us glimpse on their bond. This will give depth to your blurb, promise us a heartwarming yet a heartbreaking story, promise us an emotional roller coaster ride.

• CREATIVITY : 7/10

I rarely read spiritual books, so I wouldn't comment much on the uniqueness of the plot. But until now, it is quite fresh and non-cliché to me. One thing I have advised to all the writers I have reviewed for yet, is that show your creativity not only in the plot, as most would believe, but also in your writing. Let us swoon over how creative you can get with the thought chains of your characters, how beautifully you can switch from funny moods to sad/serious ones.

• CHARACTERS : 8/10

I like the characters so far. Seher and Sarah show different traits, different povs and that's nice to see, with a little work on their descriptions they are undoubtedly strong characters with great depth. I also like how you didn't overdo or exaggerate their Muslim sides. A small thing, Sarah's name was misspelled as Sahar in the first chapter POV.

But what really felt off to me was how there was the inclusion of three guys (I'm not sure if the last one was a new one) without any spotlight for them - do let us see what kind of people they are through maybe a conversation? If not that, let us know in detail how they are perceived by the girls so that we too can get an idea of them. Also, how are they all epitomes of beauty? To make your characters relatable, make them flawed. Maybe one of them is not as handsome, rather is a snubby, short guy. Maybe another dresses very poorly, or is clad in sweat from a game when he met the girls.

• PLOT : 11/15

I haven't gotten much of an idea of the plot except for that they are going to struggle as Muslims in a country that follows a different religion with different values. And I believe that is the conflict of the protagonists as well, and if it is, do stress it. The conflict you chose is not only a sensitive one, but also something faced on a world-wide level by all minorities. Now how can the conflict be highlighted?

You did show ragging on a hijabi, so that was good. But maybe, one of the girls had a friend or a family member who had gone through depression or anxiety over the anti-Muslim agenda. Maybe one of them had seen the news or the social media talking against Muslims or hijabees. Such things will give depth to the conflict and stress it enough.

• GRAMMAR : 5/15

The grammatical errors were way too many, along with spelling mistakes and irregular tenses. The vocabulary usage and descriptive writing also asks for improvement.

• COMMUNICATION : 1/5

This needs major improvement for I only saw you replying to a couple comments.

• OVERALL IMPRESSION : 7/15

As a Muslim myself, I also wonder how hard it would be for Muslims to live as a minority in another state and books like this serve well to give an answer. Your book has a great foundation, all it needs is a little tinkering and it can definitely voice out all such answers and the untold truths flawlessly!

• TOTAL : 61/100

If you have any questions do ask me here after tagging me or slide into pms. I'll be more than happy to help!