ᒪIᗷᖇᗩᖇY ᖇᗴᐯIᗴᗯՏ 2.0

🔖The Callous And The Conceited

Author : ekonorra

Reviewer : Aesthetically_Lazy

• COVER : 10/10 

Love it. Perfect fonts. Everything is great with the cover. I would say your earlier cover was pretty good too! Great job! 

• TITLE : 10/10

Changing the title of your story was a great idea and this title is working well. It's not common and it's catchy. I also like how the callous and the conceited are the main characters of the story and they fit with the names perfectly. Great job on this one too :)

• BLURB : 10/10 

I like it. I love the phrase that you use at the beginning. "Conceited and bold is what they call her" It's a great start. I also like how you have introduced the characters through the blurb. Good job. 

• CREATIVITY : 8/10 

This story has a uniqueness to it. I agree it is a little cliche and some of the events are almost predictable, but we all love a good cliche. It could use a little bit more creativity though. Think of something that makes the characters unique. Or something that makes the story stand out from the romance stories. Maybe, play around with the characters (that always helps), and sometimes you come up with the most bizarre ideas that are wonderful. 

• CHARACTERS : 7/10

I even commented on this, but I seriously love your cast! No joke, absolutely, hands down love it :D. 

Now, the problem comes with the character building. I think the foundation of your characters is great. But, they don't seem real to me. You've to work on what your characters aim for a little more. For example, Isla just seems so emotionless at a few places. That's not how we, humans, express feelings. You've to think like Isla when writing about her. Even Jacob seems a little...bipolar? After the debate, Jacob saves Isla and then they have this conversation in which he jokes around with her, but then a few moments later, he goes back to being cold and all uptight. The mood swings are a little too sudden so just boil it down. Make it smoother. One more thing, it would look neater if you took time to introduce the characters (just a tiny paragraph) because you've got a lot of characters and it gets confusing. I had to keep going back to the cast to see look at the characters. 

• PLOT : 12/15 

The plot is good. But you've to work more on every one of your chapters. It was all escalating unnaturally fast and the plot wasn't flowing smoothly. But this is not a major problem as you just have to bring the characters to life and make it a little more realistic. A little bit of editing and rewriting will be enough :)

• GRAMMAR : 14/15

There weren't any grammar mistakes for the most part and just a few typos and punctuation errors here and there. You can use better words though because many of your sentences had repeated phrases and words in the. Just a little bit of editing and you're good to go!   

• COMMUNICATION :  4/5

You did show your appreciation through the authors' notes and replied to most of the comments but not all. I deducted one point because you haven't replied to many of the newer comments. Even a simple emoji is a good reply if you don't know what to say. 

• OVERALL IMPRESSION : 11/15

The cover and blurb attracted me and the story was also fun to read with great humor. I laughed at many parts in the story. And overall the story was great! You just need to construct the characters (which is crucial) and edit the chapters. Good job! 

• TOTAL : 86/100 

Great job! If you have any questions at all, you can pm me :)