CLOSED
→🅶🆁🅰🅿🅷🅸🅲🆂 + 🅱🅾🅾🅺🆂←
''ᴇᴠᴇʀyᴏɴᴇ ɪꜱ ᴀ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇʀ, ꜱᴏᴍᴇ ᴀʀᴇ ᴡʀɪᴛᴛᴇɴ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴏᴏᴋꜱ ᴀɴᴅ ꜱᴏᴍᴇ ᴀʀᴇ ᴄᴏɴꜰɪɴᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ʜᴇᴀʀᴛꜱ.''
- ꜱᴀᴠɪ ꜱʜᴀʀᴍᴀ
We invest our best into writing but at times, the outcome we receive is below our expectations. This could...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
• COVER : 10/10
I absolutely love the cover. Good work! Colours, position of text and picture, the sizes of everything. It's really eye catching.
• TITLE : 8/10
Catchy title, attracts the reader just like the cover. I gave it 8 points because right now I think it lacks relevance in a way. The short description of the story places Laura Stiles as the main character, but I think the title currently applies more to her dead mother - you're still at the beginning of the story so it's a bit hard to tell though.
• BLURB : 4/10
As I've mentioned, the blurb is not in sync with the plot and the title (right now). It talks only about Laura, when the story is (probably) about solving the mystery surrounding her mother's death. The death Laura was somehow blamed for, even though it was a suicide? (I'm a big fan of Agatha Christie, so I really hope I got this right.)
• CREATIVITY : 9/10
The idea for the story is amazing. As a writer, I understand billion ideas at once and the struggle to put them into words and connect the dots. Sometimes you simply jump from one thing to the other too fast and even if it makes sense in your head, it makes readers confused. But that's for another part of the review. You're super creative, keep going and with some polishing you're going to write a great mystery- thriller.
• PLOT : 9/15
The plot is a bit confusing (so far). On one hand you have Laura, who is the supposed narrator of the story. It's not completely clear what happened to her - she tried to commit a suicide, okay, some strange guy pulled her from the edge (but where? She fell on the back and?). It would be good to give us more details about the whole situation. And people just let it go so casually as if nothing serious had happened. It's not realistic.
Then there comes Dwaine out of nowhere and confuses the story even more. Before the flashback, it would be good to introduce him some more - example: "My uncle Dwaine". Also the guy, who supposedly saved her and her brother. They need better introduction.
On the other hand you have what is probably the main mystery - what happened to the mother. Laura doesn't know the things you tell, there is "text from the news" and chapters from different times. It confuses me, it's all thrown together and you can't read chapter after chapter smoothly.
You need to lead with only one of those things.
If I were you, I'd put the third person as a narrator and leave Laura out of it altogether OR make Laura investigate/learn some truths and find out about things you're writing about OR something else, you're the writer, after all. You need to connect the dots. Because right now it feels like you're squeezing two different stories into one.
But as I've mentioned before, the idea behind the story is really really good, it just needs to evolve a bit and get that final touch.
• CHARACTERS : 5/10
They're not introduced properly yet, just thrown into the story. We don't know much about anyone in there, why are they where they are. But it's still only 4 chapters, so I believe you'll get there and give them a meaning in the following chapters. :)
• GRAMMAR : 14/15
Some mistakes, but overall seems good to me. Also I know it's not grammar, but I like your word usage and I thought to let you know. You have a good sense for writing. ;)
• COMMUNICATION : 5/5 (With Readers)
• OVERALL IMPRESSION : 8/15
• TOTAL : 72/100
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
