ᒪIᗷᖇᗩᖇY ᖇᗴᐯIᗴᗯՏ 2.0

🔖 Between Love And Hate/Rewritten

Author: belkisaris

Reviewer: Ouryoaie

• COVER : 3/10

The cover is nice and seems fitting with what is presented, but I won't lie, it's unappealing. All the way from the font, the text placement, to the graphic used for the cover. It seemed dull. A cover doesn't exactly have to be amazing but it has to at least attract a reader if not grab their attention, this is too ordinary and falls below average. Changing it would do wonders and even help grab more attention for your book. If it's possible, it would also be nice to remove that sticker, it doesn't exactly help.
Your story is paranormal, you cover has to reflect that.

• TITLE : 10/10

The title fits what I read about in the blurb. It's a good one.

• BLURB : 6/10

Although Isabella gets call a slayer constantly.
The (call) should be (called) instead.
The blurb sounds like a narration and leans toward info dumping instead of a summary. Apart from that, this is literarily the same blurb I have seen in countless other stories like this. With what was presented, nothing stops the reader from dropping your book when they can read something with the same blurb or something really similar.

• CREATIVITY : 7/10

Your description is awesome, from the environment to the characters and I really appreciate that, but the grammar didn't help.

• PLOT : 12/15

The plot is good, and I would like to believe it was well executed in the story, but I couldn't continue. (I mentioned why below).

• CHARACTERS : 10/10

The characters were realistic and they made the story very engaging right from the beginning and that made the story very lively. I also liked the way you subtly introduced the character description and the way their actions were expressed.

• GRAMMAR : 7/15

I was about to mention how perfect your grammar was when I noticed the shift in tenses, along with the misuse of words in their context. Here is an example;
Mom often said that looking at me was as if she looked in a mirror bringing her twenty years back.
It was from this point that more open mistakes started rearing its head. I'll be rephrasing this into something more correct and appropriate;
Mom often said that looking at me was as if she was looking in a mirror and was taken twenty years back.

Or

Mom often said that when she looked at me, it was as if she looked in a mirror and was taken twenty years back/into the past.
The original words were out of place and wasn't the correct phrase used. Here is the example you used of changing tenses;
My hands trembled and my eyes watered as I run to hide under the table. My body felt feverish and sweats . . .
First off, before I rewrite the way it should be written, sweat does not have an (s). Sweat is not a countable object so there is no such thing as sweats. Also, the run should be ran.
My hands trembled and my eyes watered as I (ran) to hide under the table.

Your spelling and punctuation, especially when it comes to grammar seems to be good, but your phrasing and word context need complete renovation. I suggest going through the story and editing it to even out the rough edges.

I am sorry, but I keep resisting the urge to deduct the marks for grammar as I read;

I wish the vampire that kills my parents didn't spare my life taking the worse day of my life as a game.
I understand if English is not your first language and I suggest getting an editor. First of all, her parents are dead, so why write this sentence in present tense and not past? Second of all, the character never narrated that day as the worst at that moment while having her supper. That might have been her worst day after her parents were killed, but it wasn't her worst when she woke up that morning. Also, the sentence doesn't seem to make any sense. I might have to take back what I said about the punctuation because everything is beginning to show as I read on; you neglected a comma too in the above sentence.

I wish the vampire that killed my parents didn't spare my life.

Or

I wish the vampire had also killed me the way he killed my parents.
Simple.

A sensible reader would know with this recollection that it haunts her. No need to mention that it was the worst day of her life when we already witnessed it. Who in their right mind would think the day their parents were killed was a good day; so no need to stress on (the worst day of my life).

• COMMUNICATION : 3/5

You barely answer comments, especially the useful ones. If anything, I suggest looking up majority of those comments, they pointed out so many things wrong with the story that I couldn't cover.
However, I noticed in later comments that you paid more attention to your readers and that's an improvement.

• OVERALL IMPRESSION : 7/15

The story is good, but there are holes. I know people don't like it when others tell them how to write their book, but suggestions with corrections are a different thing entirely. The major thing that can help your book apart from this review, is for you to go back to those comments as see the faults readers pointed out about your story.
I am sorry but I just couldn't read past or even through the first chapter without resisting the urge to hit my head on something. Yes, that is how serious you words and phrasing are.

Spelling does not matter when a reader can't even properly understand what you are trying to portray. I can tell you have an awesome story to tell and your description would have been lovely but the phrases and . . . there are so many grammar rules you have blatantly disregarded and thrashed; a major reason why I am redirecting you to your comments. Not every reader is patient enough to read through errors to get to the main story, it's even more frustrating when the errors don't stop.

I suggest getting an editor.
I am sorry and I especially don't mean to be rude, but I was really irked when reading this. I even went to your current paragraph and still saw obvious change in tenses. If English isn't your first language, you really did a good job in all honesty. But still, the structure needs some editing and once that is done, your story would be amazing.

I can see your work is in the editing stage, so I would love to see how it works when it's done. Apart from this, every other thing about the story is very good. You express the feelings of the character well and that's amazing.

• TOTAL : 65/100