ᒪIᗷᖇᗩᖇY ᖇᗴᐯIᗴᗯՏ 2.0

🔖 Death Lust

Author : RonikaDua

Reviewer : _xPandorax_

• COVER : 7/10

First, I'd like to say that I think the background image of the cover rightfully portrays the message of the book and definitely connects to the title. The dark girl grabbing her face in such a deadly way almost like shes clawing at herself. The black colour, despite it being very ... well dark ... I think it really sends a message to the reader and really shows that the idea of death is going to be a big part of your story. The addition of the crow is also something important because crows signify death, evil, and even lust. They've been used as slaves, as animals of dominance yet submitting to their masters - something also to take into account. Now a few things I would point out is the font of the title. I love the font! However it is a bit hard to read so maybe try changing its colour and even size so that the two words are below one another. Whatever writing is beneath the title, I can not read it at all and I doubt anyone else can and so I wanted to mention that. Your name at the top is a good idea because honestly a lot of authors do that! However the font sends a different message than the story itself so I advise maybe changing the font and making it a bit smaller so it all wraps around one another. Just another thing I wanted to point out is the blue spot. I recommend not putting on any winning award stickers on your cover because it really does take away from its beauty. Instead, try making a chapter right at the start of your book and posting your accomplishments there! And congrats for the first place win!!!

• TITLE : 9/10

I love the title! It gives an aura of mystery, thriller and maybe even some gore. Now I don't know whether you did this on purpose and feel free to let me know! But just the word lust should maybe be capitalised because it does look a bit awkward lowercase. If you did want to keep it lowercase then making the d in death lowercase could make the appearance of your title and even cover much more consistent. Another thing is the ellipsis that you use. Despite it not being on the cover (which is a good thing because it will make the book seem unprofessional), putting it in the title is also kind of odd and awkward. Don't let punctuation do the work of how you are trying to portray your story. Instead, let the word do their magic!

• BLURB : 10/10

I think your blurb is awesome! I love how it starts with a quotation, something I don't see often in blurbs! You introduce the character, you explain the conflict they have endured and what challenges they are going to be facing in the story. The way you finish the blurb up is also captivating because the reader wants to now know just what she really is and how she's going to follow up on the oath she's told herself. It even gives a little insight on her character and what type of woman she is. I get the impression she is fierce, fiery and definitely ambitious.

• CREATIVITY : 8/10

I love the creativity in this book! From the small little details like the way, Asami styles her hair to the idea of PAWNS. You add a lot of details and make wonderful comparisons that help the reader visualise what you are trying to say. Examples are in chapter 3 like "...hanging like a thin log of wood tied to a string" and "...clear as a stream." You do well in showing how the chapters all relate and how by each passing chapter you build upon the last in describing the odd society these people live in and the creatures that lurk in the shadows. Well done!

• PLOT : 12/15

The plot overall seems pretty well thought out. There are some instances where I think it moves too fast and a bit of description and detail would help to make it flow better. In Chapter 2 when she begins talking about how much of a pathetic leader her father is and then talks about her bangs. It becomes a very random transition. A bit fast-paced. When transitioning into a new scene or a new conflict such as a sudden hit of an attack, make sure to flow into it rather than abruptly start describing the scene. Maybe mention a sound leading towards the attack (chapter 2). And if she is the heir to the legacy of a big named family and people already know her name, why does she not have security?

• CHARACTERS : 9/10

The characters are generally well thought out and I like the build-up of Asami's character over the course of the first few chapters of the book. She definitely appears as a strong-willed heir to a huge company with a very important role that one day she is meant to play. Her reactions to certain situations are realistic and tend to flow right from one thought to another. One thing I do suggest is maybe including flashbacks of what made her who she is today. Her mother seems to play a huge role in that and you mention it a couple of times. However, what moments between her and her mother lead her to love her so much and for her death to affect her so deeply like this?

• GRAMMAR : 13/15

There are a few grammar mistakes. One of them being is that no comma should go after a quotation (outside of the quotation) but instead should be inside if it is not an ellipsis or a question mark. There are a few places where you are missing a comma in long sentences that may carry more than one idea. An example is in chapter 3: ...He said in a voice a little more gentle than a shriek, as he ran his way to her daughter. As you can see, I put a comma after the word shriek considering words like as (conjunction) require a comma before they come in in a sentence. There is also the switch between informal and formal writing. An example of this is the switch between using contractions (wouldn't) and using disjunctions. This can sometimes affect the tone of your story and the way you want to portray your characters and the mindset of how your novel is taking place.

• COMMUNICATION : 5/5

You have awesome communication with your readers and answer all of their questions which is crucial! So well done on that part. Readers always love it when their favourite authors answer them because it shows that you care and can see them and of course appreciate each bit of their support!

• OVERALL IMPRESSION : 13/15

Overall, this book is definitely interesting especially the detail and world it revolves around. I love the focus on small details and it would be nice to see more of it. The plot idea is interesting and engages the reader. The idea of forming your own creature and kind of develop their specie however you like is also engaging. Its most definitely not cliche and people want nothing more than to know what's next!

• TOTAL : 86/100