ᒪIᗷᖇᗩᖇY ᖇᗴᐯIᗴᗯՏ 2.0

🔖 Secrets And Lies

Author : scar_2003

Reviewer : _xPandorax_

• COVER : 7/10

The image in the background I think is a very good choice. It replicates the idea of secrecy and staying hidden and away from the wandering eye. However, by the looks on the tags of your story, a word that popped out to me is masquerade. Just the idea of a masquerade is mysterious and alluring. I feel that if you include that somewhat on your cover, it'll give a much deeper meaning on what your story is really about! Another thing I want to point out are the choices of fonts. I think your name at the bottom is a beautiful and perfect idea however the title and the little caption at the top, eh maybe look into that. You don't always have to use different fonts forever part of your cover but instead can play around with size and whether its bolded or italicized.

• TITLE : 8/10

Your title is quite interesting. It shows that this book is meant to be full of mystery and going back to the tag on masquerade, I think you rightfully portray that in your title. Two things I wanted to mention are the meaning behind your title as well as it being capitalised. Now a lot of books on Wattpad are filled with mystery and secrets and characters lying, so when you look at it like that, the title doesn't exactly show how your book is different than the rest. I suggest taking a look at what stands out from the moral of your story and changing your title to incorporate that. So that when people read the title, they at least get a sense of exactly just how your book is unique and mysterious. Another thing is, personally, I don't see the reason behind capitalising it. Sure on the title it may look good but on the side on Wattpad, eh it looks a bit awkward. But its up to you!!

• BLURB : 4/10

Alright! So first things first are the positives. You definitely included where the idea of secrets and lies are coming from. You mention and introduce multiple characters and also give off a small idea of the setting these characters are living in. A few things I want to point out are grammar, plotline, and flow. Grammar is a bit off and punctuation needs some editing. When proper grammar is used and proper sentence structure is embedded into a story and even a blurb, it helps the reader read the story correctly and not get any wrong ideas of what it is you are trying to say. One thing to avoid doing which makes the work look extremely unprofessional is the use of / like when you say "He or she / this or that". It doesn't make too much sense and makes the blurb sound weird. As for plot, I think too much is taking place in the blurb. Find a way to narrow it down to one idea rather than many. That, or make the ideas flow better rather than jumping from one to the other. There's the idea of Caleb's girlfriend being bullied in high school and then it goes to a diary being lost. The ideas are all jarring and clashing against each other that its hard to see a connection and doesn't quite sell the story. By adding a few sentences may be to show a connection or even not including them in the blurb, it would be much better! Some things are better kept for the story and if they do not contribute to your plot, it's best not to include them. Also, don't forget to capitalise on proper nouns!!!!

• CREATIVITY : 8/10

The creativity is there. However one thing to really enhance it and make this story much better is adding detail. One way of doing this is showing rather than telling. I don't know if you've heard that phrase before but its a way to help the reader connect with your story! Instead of telling us what happened, show us. Show us what the character is feeling, smelling, touching, the texture of certain things, the feeling going through their body. Instead of saying they are mad, show that. Is their face red? Is steam coming out of their ears? If the character is shy, is she blushing, does she have red on her cheeks? Small things like that make a huge impact!

• PLOT : 10/15

In my opinion, I think the plot is moving a bit too quickly. Its all one idea right after another. A way to make it flow is by adding those descriptions and making sure that one idea flows to the next. So don't rush into it. Give enough time for the audience and readers to get accustomed to your characters and again, make sure to flow from one idea to another.

• CHARACTERS : 7/10

Generally, each name fits to a good character, each with their own personalities. I do think that there may be a lot of them all coming in at the beginning. Its slowly becoming hard to figure out who is the protagonist and I think you need to slowly figure what significance does each character play. Another thing that I strongly recommend doing is describing the physical appearance of each character. This really helps your readers to visualise the characters. Without you even realising it, their physical attributes will somehow relate to their character and personality. Whether they're loud, quiet, helpful, rude etc.

• GRAMMAR : 5/15

Alright, believe me you are not the first person I came across with grammar mistakes! Its alright if English is not your first language and even if it is, you're here to learn love! First things first, Always capitalise names and the beginning of a sentence!!!! This is crucial because not only is it basic grammar for a proper sentence but it is also a way to make your work appear more professional and allow people to take your work seriously. Another this is punctuation, especially when it comes to adding commas and quotations. Commas are important and there are many Youtube videos that you can watch that can outline just exactly when you need to add one. Let me know if you want me to send you a link! Another thing are the quotations. Always remember to add a comma inside your second quotation. E.g. "I am going inside," she said. Because you are still going on to say "she said." you need to add that comma before when ending your quotation. Another thing is you do a lot of switching between presence and past tense so make sure that as you write, you stick to one! Usually when someone is writing in first person, they do present tense and when its third person, they write in past tense.

• COMMUNICATION : 4/5

There are some people you have replied to and thats awesome but make sure to keep it up with others! Readers love it when authors reply back to them because it makes them feel noticed and valued!

• OVERALL IMPRESSION : 8/15

Overall, I do think that for this book to be going on the right path and become much more successful, try planning it all out first. Make sure there are no empty links and that you're bringing your story all together. Look into grammar and try fixing a bit by starting with the basics like capitalisation. That does tend to be some people's pet peeves. But overall, I think your plot idea is well throughout and that with a bit more planning and reviews, it'll be great!!

• TOTAL : 61/100