ᒪIᗷᖇᗩᖇY ᖇᗴᐯIᗴᗯՏ 2.0

🔖 Red Scar

Author : after_fookingTrEvOr

Reviewer : Lily, previously _Lilyology

• COVER : 3.5/10

I'm going to be honest. The cover is not attractive at all and would probably not attract that many readers. However, by the cover, a reader can see it is set in a psychological ward, or something like that. The highlight of it is the person on the bed near the padded walls. I would suggest to get a different cover.

• TITLE : 10/10

First off, I saw Red Scar and figured it was something paranormal or supernatural. But then, the blurb answered my curiosity and it made sense. The title suits the story.

• BLURB : 10/10

Your blurb had me hop into the prologue straight away. I loved the introduction to each character and the small line before the description. Great job on your blurb.

• CREATIVITY : 8/10

Your creativity was really good and well thought-out. Some parts made me cringe but in a good way. I was also surprised by many scenes in the middle of the story. Especially when Kennedy and her friends woke up after realizing they were taken. Nice work.

• PLOT : 15/15

You have a fantastic plot. I have enjoyed your story. And I loved how well it flowed. I didn't spot any plot holes or anything. You did splendidly.

• CHARACTERS : 9/10

I like the characters and the leads. I love the pictures you set for some of the characters at the top of your chapters, and I could picture each of them portraying these roles. Great work on character and plot development.

• GRAMMAR : 12/15

There were a few tense issues that I spotted and some areas that could change.

"Just be careful, okay?" Brynn warned us, as if a party was anything dangerous. "We'll be fine, babe. Calm down. What's the worst that can happen?" Jayla responds.

Jayla and Brynn have been dating since the beginning of high school. We're seniors now. And everyone in the senior class is attending the end of the year senior party tonight.

Everyone, except Brynn Taylor. She's a bit of a worry wart, if you ask anyone. But she's really nice and has always been a good friend to me.

In the first paragraph, it started off with Brynn warned us. Then it said Jayla responds. For tense usage in past tense, it should be Brynn warned us, then say, Jayla responded. If you are doing present tense, then it would be Brynn warns us, and, Jayla responds. Keep an eye on those. Some areas of the story did have some tense problems, but all those can easily be fixed.

Also, a few parts had lines bunched together when they should be spaced. Especially in Chapter 1. A lot of tell and not show was also present. But it was an enjoyable read.

• COMMUNICATION : 4/5

You were pretty good with communicating to readers. Great job!

• OVERALL IMPRESSION : 15/15

Your story was full of excitement and twists. I loved where you went with it, and you did a great job on writing it. Great story thus far.

I would change the cover and fix some sections of the story where sentences and lines were not split up, and you'd be good to go. Nice story, either way.

• TOTAL : 86.5/100