ᒪIᗷᖇᗩᖇY ᖇᗴᐯIᗴᗯՏ 2.0

🔖 Psychotic Maniac

Author : klarolinefan11

Reviewer : Sam_Frazier

• COVER : 5/10

Well, first thing, I really suggest changing the cover because it gives me very high smut vibes. Secondly, you can use a dark theme for the cover as it goes well with your unique title.

• TITLE : 10/10

I don't know if it's just my love for sadistic stuff or not, this title really made me want to read the book.

• BLURB : 9/10

A very well written blurb, clearly describes the story wonderfully. However, the opening for the blurb can be improved. Try to write a hooking first line for your blurb as it attracts readers. If there was a single line which could describe your whole book, and at the same time leave the readers to scratch their head in confusion and curiosity, what would it be? It's hard to write one, but hard doesn't mean impossible.

• CREATIVITY : 8/10

The author's creativity is laudable as there were so many well written creative elements throughout the story.

• PLOT : 12/15

A cliche with a twist! I love these kind of plots where authors write stuff with a little exotic twist to a cliche. Still, as most of the excited readers like me, who decided to read your work because of the title, can get a little impatient and disappointed as the story's flow is quite slow. Also, I still haven't come across the main plot which consists of a psycho. (I love psychopaths, Klaus, Thanos, Kai, and Tom Riddle hold a special place in my heart. Don't judge)

• CHARACTERS : 7/10

Estella's character has been written very well, but Edward's needs a little work. For e.g, when you write from Edward's POV, you mostly write in a 'telling' kind of way. That is, in your blurb you mentioned that he wants to take the place of CEO, but only once or twice has this been mentioned in the starting chapters. Instead of the telling, show us why he wants to be CEO.

For this, you can write a scene where Edward, Elvis, and their dad interact with each other. Here you can show what Edward feels towards his family, and what does being a CEO mean to him, in a detailed way. Does he always act like a grumpy person around his family? Is the feeling of hatred mutual between both the brothers? I'm yet to know all these details.

When you write opening chapters, it's mostly an introduction to their lives. The intro part is very crucial for your characters to come off as likable, so I highly suggest you write more scenes which will show their behavior and personality with different people as they interact.

• GRAMMAR : 10/15

Buckle up lady, my inner grammar Nazi is about to take over my senses, (you won't like it)

First and foremost, switching of tenses.

Instead of,

"Yoga and a couple of hours of music always make Estella see things clearly, but the magic was not working this time."

Try writing like this,

"Yoga and a couple of hours of music, always made Estella see things clearly, but this time, the magic wasn't working."

You surely must've noticed the difference. Most of the book has been written using past tense, so if you switch tenses it can get confusing. Try avoiding this.

Secondly, the show not tell rule.

"She was impressed that he wasn't letting her pass into his business that easily. "Well, then I'm having thoughts about spending my money on it," she told him. "But I need a proper look at it. I want to be assured if it is worth the risk, no offense."

Here, once again, the show not tell rule hasn't been followed. I've noticed this many times while reading the book.

How to improve this?

Now for that, instead of writing, 'She was impressed,' try showing she was impressed by expressions. Also, did Edward notice that she looked impressed? Or is she a master at hiding her expressions? Add these little details and I'm sure it will look very much better.

Thirdly, punctuation.

There were times when I noticed that you used full stops instead of commas, here is an example,

"Making his way out of people messing with each other, he glanced at Estella who had disappeared into the alley. His brows knit together in confusion. Using a shortcut at that point in time was a foolish idea unless she was brave enough to test her luck of founding a way out."

Try writing like this,

"Making his way out of people messing with each other, he glanced at Estella who had disappeared into the alley, his brows knit together in confusion. Using a shortcut at that point in time was a foolish idea, unless she was brave enough to test her luck of finding a way out."

The difference between the two was that, the first and second sentence could've been written as one. Second thing I changed in this para, was the word 'founding' into 'finding'.

Make sure to edit the little grammatical errors which you find after proof reading.

• COMMUNICATION : 2/5

There were very few comments answered, but it's understood as you have so many comments and taking time to answer them all is not practically possible.

• OVERALL IMPRESSION : 12/15

I enjoyed reading your story, as the plot was quite interesting and Estella's character was very realistic and relatable. I suggest you add the mature tag as swearing comes under the mature category. There were some places where you need to work a bit, but other than that it was a fun read.

• TOTAL : 75/100

Keep writing and I'm looking forward to read more someday!

(P.S, I'd love to hear your thoughts on the review, and if this review helped you in any way, make sure you go through the rules once again concerning my payment. I really put very much effort into writing this review and it would be nice if you could take your time to appreciate my efforts. Anyways, have a nice day!)