ᒪIᗷᖇᗩᖇY ᖇᗴᐯIᗴᗯՏ 2.0

🔖 Turning A Nerd Into A Bad Boy

Author : Mumal16

Reviewer : Ouryoaie

• COVER : 10/10

The cover is beautiful and absolutely matches the story.

• TITLE : 10/10

The title too is on point, I have nothing more to say. A very interested reader would want to open the book upon sight.

• BLURB : 9/10

Blurbs that mention read on to find blah blah blah isn't exactly ok in my book and the blurb can do well without it, but the above was well described and written well. I really loved it and there was a uniqueness there that I haven't seen in a long time and this can prompt a reader to dive in.

• CREATIVITY : 7/10

Your story is good, very good. But there isn't much that separates it from other books of the same genre. However, I like the interaction between some of the characters.

• PLOT : 13/15

The plot is very good and has a unique element; as I later mention.

• CHARACTERS : 7/10

I feel you wasted a lot of time with the unnecessary descriptions. By that; I mean what you kept explaining about how the friends characters and all that. It is nice but the readers came for what was offered in the blurb and even if the story started slow, it is best to show their character through their behaviour. You did a lot of telling in that aspect and that kind of made the start of your work a bit boring. If you do decide to tell, you can do it over the course of the novel, and not all at the beginning.

For example, once I got to the part where the main character explained herself as a tomboy; I skipped the rest of the explanation, as I had already gotten the picture.

I will not lie, there are sometimes telling is necessary, but it doesn't have to be full blown to the fact that it's blatantly obvious. All this happened in the first half of your first chapter; most likely more than that half.

Plus, I find it really weird that Zayne asks her to help him with Paige and the next thing they are having heart to heart conversations; right in the second chapter . . . that isn't exactly realistic. They can have small talk at first before later giving off the best friend vibe, but not in the beginning as shown in your book.

• GRAMMAR : 8/15

I advise you read on how to use your punctuations when writing grammar cause you made mistakes in that aspect; although there are places where you aced punctuation use. Apart from that, your spelling was good but there were times where you used words in the wrong context and often used commas where there shouldn't be.

Plus, there are places where you need to give a dialogue its own paragraph. For example;

"Let's go, man," he says to Harry, who is his best friend.

Now, what comes after this, ought to have its own paragraph, as it's the girl narrating and not the boy doing any further action. After that you can now give the dialogue that came next, its own paragraph. It was one thing that didn't make me fully enjoy the reading.

So, your spelling is on point, but there were parts where you changed tenses, and I'm sure you will correct that when you start editing. I looked at your recent chapters and I noticed a repetition in one part;

"To be honest, I don't think I would have noticed someone like that," Paige says, as I give out a cold chuckle in response. "But why would you say that? Zayne's not like that," she says and I clutch my laces tightly, taking out my frustration on them.

There is a part the comma isn't necessary and I'll correct that below, but you don't need to repeat that Paige is saying something. I noticed you used a lot of that, (e.g. she says, I say, he says, I ask, he asks, she asks). You know, when two people alone are speaking, those aren't necessary. Mainly because we know who speaks next after someone has finished their sentence. You can use it if you want, but just sparingly.

"To be honest, I don't think I would have noticed something like that," Paige says as I let out a cold chuckle in response. "But why would you say that? Zayne's not like that."

I clutch my laces tightly, taking out my frustration on them.
I hope you can see the difference.

• COMMUNICATION : 1.5/5

• OVERALL IMPRESSION : 8/15

The only part I started enjoying the story was when she met Zayn, and honestly, I feel you could start your story from there as it was what stood out from the start for me. Later on, you can start showing the reader glimpses of the type of person she is.

Bottom line, there were parts in your work that killed the excitement your blurb or plot showed. For example, after she met Zayne in the first chapter (the ending was the only part I enjoyed in that chapter 1; I explained the reason above). After that, the story started kicking in around chapter 4; In all honesty, it really started getting good from there. I suggest looking at it with fresh eyes when you've completed your work and you would see what I mean. Because sometimes when you edit your work, you will have to shave off unnecessary scenes.

So, the story's main focus is Zayne, Paige and the main character so it will be helpful if you stick with that, as the story revolves around them. Most readers don't exactly want to see other characters play a soccer match unless they are talking about something crucial to the story or will affect one of the major characters later.

Overall, your story is good, but most readers would be hooked and not tempted to drop it if you are able to correct that small thing. However, I really loved the interaction between her and Zayne. You wanted me to read all chapters but I wasn't able to mostly because of time; however, what I mentioned can be applied throughout your book. All that is needed is just some rereading and editing.

• TOTAL : 73.5/100