ᒪIᗷᖇᗩᖇY ᖇᗴᐯIᗴᗯՏ 2.0

🔖 Solivagant

Author : dodochipss

Reviewer : Sam_Frazier

• COVER : 8/10

Totally fits the theme, but isn't eye-catching enough. Your story deserves so much more than that. Text has been flaunted very well, but the background can be played around with a bit.

• TITLE : 6/10

Okay, so it's unique, but even after reading it I'm still not sure as to why the author decided to use it as a title. It will make the reader curious... but, after seeing the title, the next thing they'll do is check the blurb, and the blurb gives no hint as to why you've chosen this title.

• BLURB : 5/10

It's short, yes, that's why I say you can lengthen it a bit to make it look eye-catching.

Add hints about the character's personality, the obstacle/conflict in the story, and as it is a short story... Hint a moral value or the message that you want to give to your readers.
Also, like I mentioned before, tell the meaning behind your title.

• CREATIVITY : 6/10

Well, first of all, your writing style seemed a bit forced, it didn't look like you were pouring your heart out through words.

What I mean is, you're trying to craft every single word with precision and care. You don't have to, when you try to write perfection you just end up frustrating your self and avoiding the better outcome which you could've had when you had just gone with the flow.

See, descriptions are necessary, but if you add too many adjectives it just becomes wordy and boring for both you and your readers. Lessen the adverbs and adjectives, and there you have it.

I know this comes under the grammar section but I just thought it would seem best if I explained it here.

You are creative, seriously, but your usage of words somewhat ruins the picture for readers to love your writing style.

One more thing, I didn't get the effect which would've been there if not for the long paras and run-on sentences.

Your opening for example,
I have wandered off in an attempt to search... of darkness.
This para, as it is the opening, is quite long to be considered a hook. It might throw your readers off and cause them to stop reading the story. Try cutting off the 2nd sentence and making it into two different paras, because I think it might be better that way.

This is totally a personal opinion, so don't take it in the wrong way. There's always room for improvement.

• CHARACTERS : 5/10

I don't even know your character's name, but it's kind of understood as it's a common failure while writing short stories.
But can be more developed if the author takes the effort.

• GRAMMAR : 14/15

Didn't find any grammar mistakes just the overuse of adjectives. If that's worked out I'm sure the book is just one step away from gaining millions of reads.

Also, try not to use more than one exclamation mark at the end of a sentence.

Lastly, stick to one tense. If you are comfortable with present tense, keep the whole story in present tense. If it's past, write in past tense for the whole story. It can get quite confusing if you switch tenses in between.

• PLOT : 13/15

I won't say it's very unique because I have come across these kinds of plots. Still, the pacing was quite perfect and I liked the fact that you didn't waste time in writing unnecessary details and details which weren't relevant to the plot.

• COMMUNICATION : 2/5

Very few comments were answered

• OVERALL IMPRESSION : 12/15

You've got so much potential, just a little work here and there and I'm sure your work will be even more better.

• TOTAL : 69/100

Again, it was a great book. I'm sorry if the review was too harsh but it's just based on my personal experience.
A recommended read, for sure.

(P.S feel free to ask if you have doubts or want my help on anything. Oh, and make sure to go through my payment in case missed it☺)