Crazy Super-Gay Peter Parker One-shots

Does That Make Shuri My Aunt?

I saw a comment a few weeks back asking for IronPanther, and I honestly couldn't help myself. This is such a mess, lol.

Also, the new Batman movie is just incredible, am I right? The Batfamily fangirl in me is dying for a sequel featuring Dick Grayson.

Ships: IronPanther, Shurichelle

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of explosion, kidnapping, property damage, and criminally insane bunnies.

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Being called to the lounge room for a meeting was always anxiety provoking for Peter. This anxiety only got worse when he found Shuri and T'Challa in the lounge room with his dad.

"If this is about Vondrake Vonboneth the fourth, and his army of crickets, I didn't mean to steal a criminally insane bunny," Peter announced, sitting down besides his friend.

Tony's face scrunched up. "You did what?"

"Or if this is about stealing Steve's underwear and selling it on eBay, we donated the money to charity," Shuri offered, getting a frantic nod from the other teen.

T'Challa's face fell in an instant. "You did WHAT?!"

"Oh, no, that's not it," Peter hummed, thinking momentarily before snapping his fingers. "The tractor completely incident wasn't our fault. I mean, how were we supposed to know it was set to explode."

"No, nuh uh, stop it," Ironman called, holding up his hand to cease the admissions. "I'm not being held liable as an accomplice to your crimes. Shut your mouthed and listen up."

Shuri raised her hand meekly, getting a sigh from the two older rich heroes. "So you don't want to hear about the time we broke in to Disneyworld at 2am and filled the teacups on the teacup ride with jelly?"

"NO!"

She simply shrugged, turning to look at Peter, who stuck his hand into the air seconds later. "Oh, oh! Are we about to be scolded for kidnapping that swarm of children and dressing them up like Patrick the starfish?"

Neither had ever seen T'Challa look more helpless than that moment. Not to mention the light twitching of Tony's eyes that made it clear the next person who interrupted would, In fact, be punished for their tomfoolery.

"No. Now, we have something to tell you," Tony started, sharing a look with the king to his right. T'Challa simply shrugged, gesturing for the billionaire to continue.

Shuri scoffed, rolling her eyes. "What? Did you get drunk and rename Wakanda 'Starklandia', or something?"

Ironman shook his head, squeezing his eyes together and speaking rapidly, as if pulling of a metaphorical bandaid. "Catboy and I are getting married."

There was a long pause of silence, eventually ended by the exasperated Black Panther. "Catboy? Really - this again?"

"Right, sorry Pink Puma," Tony taunted, getting a light shove from his fiancé.

"HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE!" Peter and Shuri cried at once, gaping at their father and brother respectively. "You're engaged?!"

"Yes," T'Challa replied, nodding once in a rather regal fashion.

Peter made a few light noises of disbelief, eyes wide. "Since when?!"

Tony looked down at his watch, reading the time before turning back to his adopted son. "About three hours ago."

"Okay, okay...," Shuri whispered to herself, before throwing her arms into the air. "Wait, hold the fuck up! Since when have you two been seeing each other, anyway?!"

The Wakandian king grinned widely. "Just after we fought Steve and the others in that parking lot. Around the time that Peter was adopted."

"So I could've had two dads this whole time?" Spider-Man pouted, crossing his arms and sending his father a very pointed look.

"Does mum know about this?!" Shuri added, gasping when her brother nodded immediately. "Oh, the treachery!"

"We weren't sure how far it would go, so we didn't want to get your hopes up," Tony said , laying a comforting hand on Peter's shoulder.

The teen huffed. "I'm not a child, I understand that not all relationships end in marriage."

Shuri went starry eyed for a moment, turning to Peter with a vicious grin. "That makes you a future prince! We're going to be the to most horrible royals in all of history! Imagine the chaos!"

"Yeah!" Peter cried as they high-fives, getting deep sighs from Ironman and Black Panther.

The two celebrated with rowdy cheers, jumping around the lounge room. However, soon enough Peter came to a realisation that was less than amazing.

He paused, paling in visible horror as he turned to his dad and T'Challa. "Does... does that make Shuri my aunt?!"

Tony and T'Challa both froze, eyes widening. Neither of them had thought of that...

"Aw, yes!" Shuri practically shrieked, jumping up and clapping her hands together in frantic joy. "I'm going to be the best, flamboyantly gay wine aunt ever!"

"It's okay, I can deal with this," Peter mumbled to himself, clutching the bridge of his nose. "I'll still have Ned and MJ as my non-aunt/uncle friends. That sounds so sad...."

Unluckily for him, Shuri heard every word he said, and brought out her phone. She clicked on her girlfriend's number, smirking over at Peter, who somehow paled even deeper.

"MJ," Shuri called into her phone. "Peter's gonna be my nephew soon. If we get married, we'll be his aunts!"

"Fuck yes!" MJ called from the other side of the phone. "We'll be the worst Aunts ever!"

Peter let out a loud, horrified wail. "Noooo!"

Tony simply turned to T'Challa, sighing. "I told you we should have waited until they were more mature."

The king of Wakanda simply shrugged once more. "Knowing them, that'll never, ever happen."

"...Fair enough."