Crazy Super-Gay Peter Parker One-shots

Dinosaur Crack Chapter

The next chapter, which is a request, is quite sad so here's a crack chapter that I wrote while half asleep.

I know I'm miss matching the start and end of Right Hand Man together, but it fits this chapter best.

Ships: IronStrange, Spideypool

Warnings: Swearing

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"Peter Stark-Strange did not want to be a velociraptor like his family, instead wanting to be a Lamborghini or, better yet, a sushi themed attack helicopter.

This angered the tribe of Hexagon Atheists that roamed the land of saurs, so they took action.

In a move of unforeseeable madness, they kidnapped him and threw him into the Grand Canyon, which had been filled with sugar free jelly and Donald Trump action figures.

His family, who had been a group of undercover attack helicopters the whole time, swore vengeance on the Hexagon Atheists.

"I will fight for this land but there is only one man who can give us a command!" Wade, Peter's boyfriend, shrieked in his usual high pitched voice.

"Who can rise up!" The group of dinosaurs turned attack helicopters shouted.

Wade smirked, lifting his glass of glittery chocolate milk into the air. "Understand it's the only way to rise up!"

"Rise up!" The dinosaurs chorused.

"Here comes the general! And his right hand man!" Wade finished as the attack helicopter named Tony Stark-Strange sauntered into the room, his right hand man and husband, Stephen, walking slightly behind him.

Tony, even in his sushi themed attack helicopter body, made duck lips at an invisible camera. "Today we will yeet these basic bitches into Satan's armpit!"

The velociraptor sushi themed attack helicopters all shrieked very Karen like shrieks, before Naruto running towards the Grand Canyon.

The Hexagon Atheists weren't used to being challenged by attack helicopters so they ran. But, being Hexagon Atheists, they were too slow and ended up slipping on a patch of green and purple spotted slices of ham.

As revenge for kidnapping Peter, his family yeeted the Hexagon Atheists into the Grand Canyon one by one.

The Hexagon Atheists died quickly as they were either suffocated by the jelly or eaten alive by the Donald Trump action figures.

Peter, who was hanging onto the side of the Canyon so that he wouldn't die, realised he could morph into a sushi themed attack helicopter and flew into the air.

He spent the rest of the day drenching people in tomato sauce and salt before eating them whole, completely forgetting about the assignment for English class he had due the next day.

-And that is why I don't have my homework." Peter smirked, crossing his arms and daring his English teacher to disagree.

The class stared at him with their mouths gapping, unsure what to say. Ned face palmed as MJ pulled out her crisis book and started sketching the teacher, who's eyes were twitching like crazy.

"Peter, you can't lie like this! Lying will make you go to hell!" The teacher exploded, stomping her feet and huffing.

She was about to continue her rant when a voice spoke from Peter's phone.

"Attack helicopter velociraptor, we need you in the office immediately. The Octagon Babies are threatening to nuke the ice cream shop on 1st street!"

"Not the ice cream!" Peter cried transforming Into his sushi themed attack helicopter self and yeeting himself out of a window.

"Peter!" MJ yelled, getting the sushi themed attack helicopter velociraptor to look at her. "Remember, it's yeet or be yeeted!"

Peter nodded before flying towards 1st street, covering the people he hoped to eat later with tomato sauce as he went.

That is the story of how Attack helicopter velociraptor saved the world from an ice-cream free reality. And ate a bunch of random people.