Crazy Super-Gay Peter Parker One-shots

Say Amen, Its Game Night

This one-shot is a request by a pretty awesome friend of mine who's discord username is Deadlock#7430.

Ships: Maytasha, Pristine (Pepper x Christine), IronStrange, Thoruce, Stucky

Warnings: Swearing, drinking, destruction of property, probs some other illegal things

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Board game night was a tradition in the Avengers/Stark-Strange household... erm, towerhold. However, it was never just board games night, and that Tuesday was not an exception.

Usually, a few regular games started the night off, with Monopoly (with shots) being the true starting point of chaos. Every time someone got money, they had to take a shot of either alcohol (Asgardian alcohol in a few necessary cases) or extremely sugary chocolate milk (in Peter's case).

Then came a swarm of other games, such as 'Who can make the most disgustingly sweet dessert?' Or 'Who can chug the most (insert a liquid)?'.

In this case, Thor's poptart, ice cream, pure sugar, and five blocks of melted chocolate thing was the winner. Oh, and Bruce (in Hulk form) was able to drink the most cordial infused pool water.

Overall, the Avengers were all extremely drunk, and Peter had a sugar high that could beat all sugar highs.

"What do'ya wanna do now?" Tony slurred slightly, looking around at the group. They'd run out of games and were now in need of a new activity.

Clint and Peter shared a look. "WALMART! WALMART! WALMART!"

The others all joined quickly, getting a worrisome glance from Pepper, May, and Christine (who had all just walked into the room - never participating in this drunken mess of game night).

Pepper and Christine were fiancé's, having met each other through their respective best friends - Tony and Stephen. May was married to Natasha, who, unlike her wife, was extremely drunk.

"Mayyyyyy, love, will you please drive us to Walmart?" Natasha begged, sending drunken puppy dog eyes at Peter's biological Aunt. Peter had been adopted by the Stark-Strange's when Nat and May had gotten married many years ago.

May sent a look towards the other women, who shrugged. "Fine, but I am recording everything and posting it everywhere on the internet."

Nobody seemed to pay attention to anything but the original 'fine', so they whooped in celebration.

Within the next half an hour, the had arrived at the nearest Walmart - the employees of which made quick work trying to remove all expensive items. However, they were not quick enough.

It took a mere 5 minutes for Thor, Bruce, Steve, and Bucky to lift two hot tubs onto eight electric scooters (four per hot tub), and hang bricks from the sides so that they could fall on the gas pedals when it began.

By it I mean the Thoruce VS Stucky hot tub joust.

Not only did Stucky win this battle, but both teams caused a heap of damage to the store.

While this was happened, Natasha and Clint were trying on costume after costume, until Clint was wearing an Elsa costume, and Natasha was dressed as Shrek.

They separated quickly, with Clint screaming 'LET IT GO!' over and over again while kicking rubber balls at the staff members trying to stop him.

Natasha, however, was following May (who was recording what was happening) around, shouting 'OGGLY BOOGLY, SHREK WANTS YOUR NOOGLYS!' at the top of her lungs.

Tony and Stephen were in the other side of the store, haggling with a woman who was trying to buy Tony's extremely expensive suit in exchange for a baby crocodile.

"A baby crocodile and a cheese taco... no, TWO cheese tacos!" Stephen exclaimed drunkenly.

"No tacos, just the baby crocodile... and I'll throw in his miniature top hat." She replied, shaking her head.

Tony and Stephen shared a look. "DEAL!"

So yeah, now they had a baby crocodile... and Tony was wearing a bath robe.

Peter, on the other hand, had filled the Walmart bathrooms with fruit loops, and was now stood up on the karaoke machine display, ignoring the horrified looks from the Walmart employees.

"Been travelin' in packs that I can't carry anymore
Been waitin' for somebody else to carry me
There's nothin' that's there for me at my door
All the people I know aren't who they used to be~"

"And if I try to change my life one more day
There would be nobody else to save
And I can't change into a person I don't wanna be, so
Oh, it's Saturday night, yeah!"

The Avengers had started crowding around the little Karaoke display, cheering Peter on.

"I pray for the wicked on the weekend
Mama, can I get another amen?
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, it's Saturday night, yeah
Swear to God, I ain't ever gonna repent
Mama, can I get another amen?
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, it's Saturday night, yeah~"

"And every mornin' when I wake up
I wanna be who I couldn't say I'd ever been
But it's so much more than I ever was
If every night I go to sleep knowin'
That I gave everything that I had to give~"

If Peter had noticed that A. May was recording, B. Christine was live streaming him, or C. Pepper was shooting him with a glitter cannon, he would have stopped in embarrassment. However, he didn't, and he wouldn't know until at least tomorrow.

"Then it's all I could've asked for
I've been standing up beside everything I've ever said, but
Oh, it's Saturday night, yeah!"

"I pray for the wicked on the weekend
Mama, can I get another amen?
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, it's Saturday night, yeah
Swear to God, I ain't ever gonna repent
Mama, can I get another amen?
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, it's Saturday night, yeah!"

"If I had one more day to wish
If I had one more day
To be better than I could have ever been
If I had one more day to wish
If I had one more day
I could be better, but, baby
Oh, it's Saturday night, yeah!"

"I pray for the wicked on the weekend
Mama, can I get another amen?
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, it's Saturday night, yeah
Swear to God, I ain't ever gonna repent
Mama, can I get another amen?
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, it's Saturday night, yeah!"

"It's Saturday, Saturday, Saturday
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, it's Saturday night, yeah
Swear to God, swear to God, swear to God
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, it's Saturday night, yeah!"

"WOOOOOO!" The crowd of drunken Avengers shouted, surprised at how amazing Peter's voice was. Even the employees were taken aback, originally thinking that he would be awful.

Peter hoped off of the stage, finally starting to feel tired as the sugar had started to wear off.

"We've got the coolest fucking kids!" Tony exclaimed to Stephen, getting a surprised look from the very one around them."

"Kids? As in plural?!" Peter cried, eyes widening.

Stephen nodded, holding up the baby crocodile. "Yes, meet your new brother Patricia-Gregovich the 97th!"