Crazy Super-Gay Peter Parker One-shots

WELL FUCK ME GENTLY WITH A CHAINSAW (Part 2!)

HAPPY LATE NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!! This will either age like wine or milk, but I'm sure that 2021 is going to be a lot better!

...I need it to be... please...

Anyway! This is another request by DatTransBoiy and it's a part 2 to WELL FUCK ME GENTLY WITH A CHAINSAW.

Ships: Shurichelle, IronStrange

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of arsenic, heights maybe, acts of confidence that might cause second hand embarrassment?

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When Peter arrived at school the next day, the day after he unknowingly outed himself to his whole class (excluding his friends, who already knew), his plan was to be even more chaotic then he usually was.

He had no idea why, he just wanted to mess with them all.

And the opportunity to quote yet another musical quickly presented itself, when Ned handed Peter a donut and a Starbucks frappe.

"Where have you been all my life?" Peter fake swooned, shooting aww filled eyes at his best friend.

"Oh, in a cupboard, under some stairs." Ned replied, joining Peter in loud snickers.

The people around them sighed loudly, excluding MJ and Shuri who snickered loudly.

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Peter's first class of the day, Home EC, started off perfectly fine and normal. Then, the teacher asked Peter to grab out some corn for their soups.

The whole class fell silent, watching as Peter grabbed the corn, turning around with an evil smirk. "I give you sexy corn!"

"Peter!" The teacher cried, horrified by the outburst, while the class fell into fits of laughter.

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Once Home EC was finally over, Peter waltzed out of the class, looking around with a grin. "What is this place?"

"A department store." MJ added, walking out from behind him.

"It's beautiful!" Spider-Man exclaimed, gasping loudly while the students on the hall gave him confused looks.

"Peter!" Mr Hall called, gesturing for the teen to join him and an assortment of teachers Peter had never met before. "You are just the student I was thinking of!"

"Oh cool, I was thinking of me too." Peter quoted, getting an amused chuckle from his Maths teacher.

"These are some of my colleagues from the arts department. You probably haven't met them, since you went for the science and technology electives. Can you please tell them what your favourite class is?" Mr Hall asked, realising that, if Peter was in a really AVPM mood, he was definitely the wrong student to ask.

"Totally, the best class by far is satanic rituals." Peter replied, smiling innocently at the arts teachers, who stared at him in confusion. "But Maths is a close second."

—————

In hindsight, someone should have warned the school mascot.

When Peter was in a the more chaotic of moods, he liked to make mean girls quotes directed at the poor mascot. And the today was just one of those days.

There was silence as Peter and the mascot stared each other down.

Then, Peter smirked. "NO! THEY'RE BOTH IN THE COSTUME!"

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"Whoever said orange is the new pink was seriously disturbed." Peter quoted, walking into the cafeteria with Shuri.

She gasped in offence, as her skirt and jacket were both bright orange. "Don't stomp your little last season Prada shoes at me, honey."

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Sitting across from Flash, who had just taken a long sip from his drink, Peter looked over to Shuri and MJ, who were sitting to his left. "You know, some guys just can't hold their arsenic."

Flash spat out his drink.

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Peter waltzed into the principals office, where he was having a meeting with several other principals. "Oh, shit! You guys are kids! I gotta watch my damn mouth around you little bastards. I-I'm sorry. Shoot. I gotta watch my damn mouth around you little bastards."

"Mr Stark-Strange?!" The principal gasped, watching as the teenager climbed out of the office's window.

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Peter grabbed a megaphone out of his locker, walking into the school assembly with confidence that would put even his father, Tony, to shame. "Okay lets get this over with... No I'm not seasick. Yes, I've always been green. No, I didn't eat grass as a child!"

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"Has anyone seen Peter?" Mrs White asked, looking around the room.

One of the girls silently pointed towards the window, causing the teacher and whole class to look that way too.

Peter, attached to the wall 2 stories up, was waving at the class, singing loudly with a bright grin. "WaViNg ThRoUgH tHe WiNdOw~"

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"So, I've been thinking..." Ned said, turning to look at Peter, who was back in the classroom. Mrs White had gone off to grab something from another class, so they were allowed to do whatever.

"Yes, I heard." Peter replied, grimacing.

Ned let out a deep sigh, which quickly turned into a loud snicker. "I've been thinking, and I think you should buy a lobster car."

"A lobster car?" Peter replied, confused about, well, everything to do with Ned's idea.

"Yes. A red car with a giant fake lobster on top!" Ned explained with a wife grin.

Peter nodded in understanding, smiling brightly. "Amazing idea - I will ask my dads when I get home... but why?"

Ned raised an eyebrow at his friend. "Well, we can't all come and go by bubble! Plus I think it would be the perfect get away car for tomorrow's Walmart destruction."

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Peter sprinted down the hallways, excited to be able to leave the hell hole he called school. But, unable to pass up the opportunity to quote one more musical, he stopped in front of a handful of older theatre students.

"Grew up in the French Court
Oui, oui, bonjour
Life was a chore so-" Peter pointed at the group, who shared a look.

"She set sail~" They sang, stating Peter confused.

"Yes, yes I will." The teenager replied. He shot a web at the ceiling, before swinging down the hallway - above the sea of shocked students.

Apparently, he decided now was the best time for everyone to learn his superhero identity.

Landing at the exiting doorway, Peter waved at the frozen crowed. "Spider-Man out, bitches!"

The class who had already found out his identity shared a look as Peter left the building. They knew exactly what their reaction should be. "WELL FUCK ME GENTLY WITH A CHAINSAW!"