Crazy Super-Gay Peter Parker One-shots

The Avengers Christmas Party

I can't say how glad I am that this specific request, which is by DatTransBoiy is going to fall on day 7 of posting every day for Christmas (This will be posted on Christmas Day, in Australia at least). Since this request is a ship request, I can make it Christmas themed! Whoop!

This chapter is shorter then usual, and a bit more calm I think.

Ships: Hawkant, Shurichelle, Thoruce, BlackPepper, IronStrange, SpiderFrost,

Warnings: Swearing, Christmas-ey things (including Krampus, Lights, Belsnickle, etc.), Thanos,

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"If you take another candy cane off that tree, Steven, I will make you see red and white for a year." Peter hissed, slapping Captain America's hand away.

Steve pouted lightly, before walking over to join his boyfriend, Bucky, on the couch.

"Does everything look alright?" Peter asked his fathers, Tony and Stephen. "I want it to be perfect when the others arrive."

"Peter, sweetie, the room looks like a winter wonderland." Stephen soothed, gesturing to the perfectly decorated room around them.

The large, open concept living room/dinning room now had a ceiling of glittering icicles, which reflected the lights of the giant, impeccably decorated Christmas tree. Bon-bons covered the coffee table, while Christmas themed party food found its home on the large dinning table.

A real life version of Frosty the snowman (thanks to Stephen's magic, plus the grimoire Loki had gave Peter for his birthday) stood in the corner, tipping his hat at passers, and shooting light puffs of magic snow.

Christmas carols were playing lightly in the background as the people who were already present chatted away.

Bucky and Steve were talking about Christmas carols, and which ones were better then others.

Stephen was chatting away with Peter's boyfriend, Loki, about the differences in their chains of magic, while Tony was nodding along like he understood anything they were saying.

Natasha and her wife, Pepper, were chatting away with Bruce and his fiancé, Thor, who did not understand Christmas whatsoever.

"Thor, no... Christmas isn't about kidnapping bearded men, where did you even hear that?" Pepper sighed, confused and slightly concerned.

"One of the children I met yesterday said that he is catching this man of presents, and since all bearded men look like this sandy claws, I assumed kidnapping all of them was the tradition." Thor explained, getting a loud face palm from Bruce.

Shuri, T'Challa, Peter, and Shuri's girlfriend, MJ, were now standing in front of the fireplace laughing over a joke T'Challa had told.

All in all, everything was calm and happy... until the more chaotic of guests started to arrive.

The Guardians of the Galaxy waltzed into the room happily. Well, all except Rocket, who had been dyed green and made to look like the grinch.

"AHHHH! It's the Christmas stealer!" Thor shrieked, throwing a handful of rum balls at Rocket.

Moments later, just as the clock ticked to 6pm, Deadpool burst in, wrapped in Christmas lights, holding a large sack of presents in one hand, and a tshirt shooter in the other. Of course, he proceeded to shoot Christmas themed T-shirts at all of the guests.

Venom followed quickly, with a stream of other friends, heroes, and family members following suit, until only three guests that said they could make it were missing.

Peter looked around the room, calling out to his fathers as he visually searched for these guests. "Dads, have you seen-"

That's when Scott and his husband, Clint, burst into the room - dressed in intricate and extremely dramatic costumes. Ant-Man seemed to be wearing a Krampus costume, along with a whip and a sack. Hawkeye, on the other hand, was a huge fan of The Office, and had come as Belsnickel.

...And Clint seemed to be in a very Belsnickle mood.

"Ooh, belsnickel has traveled from the distant lands of 30 minutes away to discover how all the heroes and assholes here have been behaving this past year." Clint exclaimed, putting on a fake accent, similar to Dwight on The Office.

There was silence for a moment, as the room stared at Belsnickle and his Krampus husband, who had only just realised that no one else was wearing a costume (not including rocket, who was wrapped in a bow since Thor didn't want him to escape).

"It's... it's not a costume party, is it?" Scott whispered in horror.

"Nope." Peter replied, snickering loudly.

That's when their 6 year-old daughter, Cassie, wandered out from behind them, bearded and her costume stuffed with a pillow, apparently. "Ho, Ho, Ho! It's me! Santa Claus!"

The crowd awed at the little girl and returned to chatting happily.

However, nothing ever stayed calm and quiet at an Avengers party for long.

Hours into the night, when Cass had gone to sleep, and all of the unnamed guests had left, Friday spoke up.

Either drunk out of their mind, or had consumed way too much sugar (in Peter, Shuri, and MJ's cases), no one payed much attention to the AI, until Thanos dressed as a giant elf burst into the room.

Once again, there was silence, until Thanos's voice filled the room. "I have travelled from another dimension, where all of you are straight and took a lot longer to defeat me. Now, I will be ruining your Christmas, just as you did my plans!"

Everyone stared at the elf clad villain, unsure what to say or do. Then, Thor pulled off the ribbons entangling Rocket. "Grinch! Steal Christmas!"

Rocket shrugged and attacked Thanos, who shrieked loudly and fled towards the nearest window - jumping out of it, screaming as he fell. "FAIR ENOUGHHHHHH!"

The party goes, still confused, looked at each in surprise. Peter, however, rolled his eyes and grabbed a large rectangle plate. "Who wants chocolate ripple cake?"

"ME!"