Crazy Super-Gay Peter Parker One-shots

Peter's Worthiness (And Thor's Arrest)

This ones relatively short because I had absolutely no clue what else to add... ugh, existence.

Anyway, this is a request by Catwoman765 and I'm super sorry for how long it took.

Ships: IronStrange, BlackPepper, Thoruce

Warnings: Swearing, insults, bullying, alcohol mentions, threats

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It had been a long day for everyone in Stark Tower, but one teenager in particular.

Peter stormed into the lounge room, fury radiating off of him. "Who the fuck does that little bitch ass slut thing he is, disrespecting me in my place of living?!"

"Flash again, huh?" Natasha asked, looking over at her nephew. "You should let me stab that bastard. I'll make it look like an accident."

"Or I could put the fear of Loki into that bitch boy." Loki added, grinning manically.

"Or I could blacklist him so bad that not even McDonalds would hire that bullying, exam cheating dickhead." Tony suggested.

Everyone stared at Tony for a long moment. They were used to threats of murder from Natasha, and torture from Loki, but not life ruining threats from Tony. Though, Tony was one Peter's fathers, so they really should have expected it.

However, no threat could compare to the one that Stephen Stark-Strange was more then happy to add. "Or I could place him in an endless time loop consisting of him and everyone he has ever loved dying in repeat. Even if he could somehow escape, the psychological damage would impact him for the rest of his life."

"Stephen!" Everyone shouted, horrified. The sorcerer simply shrugged, gesturing for Peter to continue exclaiming his woes.

"The worst part is, Mr Hall was away and the substitute teacher agreed with him!" The teenager cried, annoyance growing when he noticed the hammer between him and the kitchen. "Thor, you fucking whore! What the fuck is wrong with you?!"

"I know, right?! He left to buy poptarts and just locked us out. I need a margarita!" Tony shouted, pointing at Thor's hammer.

Peter hissed in annoyance, making a thoughtless decision to kick the hammer. The Avengers went silent when the unmovable hammer soared through the room, crashing through the window and landing on the street below.

"Holy shit, you're worthy!" Bucky shrieked, gaping at the teenager as Bruce fainted in shock.

"Yeah, worthy enough to eat my weight in comfort food." Peter retorted, not comprehending his ability to move the hammer. Peter sauntered into the room, grabbing the ingredients needed for a sandwich, as his family lost their minds.

"We need to hold a gender reveal party, but for his worthiness." Stephen declared. "Those bitches from my Wealthy-Wife support group will be so fucking jealous!"

"I'm sorry, your WHAT?!" Steve exclaimed, turning to look at the sorcerer.

Natasha glowered at her friend, looking remarkably offended. "Why wasn't I invited? Pepper's rich, too!"

"Or me!" Loki cried. "I'm basically married to myself, Stephen, and I'm a fucking god. I shake my hands and it starts to shower diamonds. You could call me bling-bling-bitch!"

As Peter made his sandwich, his family members argued in the hallway.

Eventually, Thor returned from his poptart shopping trip - stopping in confusion when he realised his hammer was gone. "Friends of Midgard, Boyfriend Banner, and Brother Loki, I have awful news."

"WHAT, THOR?!" Everyone shouted in response, except for a confused Bruce who was startled awake. Apparently, they were still pissed over the doorway block.

"My hammer has gone missing!" The god declared, his face lit up with horror as he pointed to the empty doorway.

"Think again, uncle Thor!" Peter called, taking a bite from his sandwich. "I kicked it out of that window."

Thor turned towards the shattered window, confused and somewhat impressed. "You're worthy too, then? Will you be joining me in ruling Asgard?"

Peter seemed to contemplate this offer for a moment, then shook his head. "Nah, fam. But nobody will be joining you anywhere, other than prison, very shortly."

"Huh?" Thor asked. "Why would I be going to prison?"

Before Peter could reply, FRIDAY's voice rang through the room. "The police are here to arrest Thor for assault. His hammer landed on someone's foot."

Thor gasped in horror, turning to look at the other Avengers. "You'll tell them that the man of spiders did it, right?"

The Avengers shared a look, with Clint speaking up. "Nope! Next time don't block the kitchen, bitch-boy."