Crazy Super-Gay Peter Parker One-shots

Steve's A Biiiiiitttttcccchhhhhhh (Also, Peter Hates The PSAs)

This request is from @Sg62503 and I had A LOT of fun writing it, even if this chapter is kinda sorted then usual. Sorry it took so long to write and publish!

Note: None of the Avengers know about the PSAs.

Ships: Thoruce, Stucky, Spideypool, and IronStrange

Warnings: A lot of swearing. Like, a lot. Heaps. A huge number of swear words are present. Peter verbally attacking Steve.

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It was torture, honestly.

Psycho-fucking-logical torture.

2 hours and 17 minutes (yes, he counted) of nothing but Captain America's PSAs were enough to drive anyone made - much less a teenage boy named Peter Stark-Strange who already had to deal with daily in-person Steve Rogers.

So it was extremely understandable when Peter returned home from school with his boyfriend (Wade Wilson), inconceivably angry at Steve for seemingly nothing.

"You fucking whore!" Peter screeched, slamming the living room doors open to reveal his now wide-eyed family watching a movie.

Wade sighed, waltzed around the fuming teen, sat down next to Clint, and stole his bowl of popcorn.

Peter snarled, throwing his school bag at Steve, who was now even more confused. "Steve Fucking Rogers - how dare you! Your stupid PSAs are ruining my life... you bitch!"

Stephen and Tony were immediately knocked out of their shocked frozen state, and now wore matching smirks. "Oooooh, Rogers! What have you done this time?" Stephen cackled. His ongoing hatred of Steve clearly present.

"I... I did nothing! I swear!" Steve exclaimed, looking at his boyfriend - Bucky - for help. Bucky shrugged and turned back to Natasha, who he had been painting her nails for before Peter's arrival.

Bruce Banner, who had been cuddling with his fiancé - Thor - reaches forward and grabbed the tv remote, knowing that whatever was happening in front of them would be FAR more entertaining then some movie.

"What are these PSAs Spider-child was talking of? Are they another type of medical equipment you mortals use... like those banana-dandana-aids?" Thor asked, looking at Bruce, who shrugged and gestures for Thor to listen to Peter's rant.

Peter lifted his right leg, yanked off his shoe, and threw it at Steve's head, only narrowly missing. "You and your 'I know better because I'm THE Captain America' need to learn to mind your damn motherfucking business, bitch."

Natasha and Clint were giggling quietly, and Wade and Bruce was letting out a series of half-hidden snorting laughs. Stephen and Tony were openly cackling, Thor was watching in confusion, and Loki (who was also there) was intently filming and live-streaming the interaction to thousands of amused Loki-Stans.

"Little stupid bitch." Peter howled at the aghast Steve.

Captain America threw his hands up in astonishment. "I don't even know what I've done! What did I do?!"

Another shoe was thrown and Steve was completely ignored. "Little dumb teachers-pet bitch. 2+2 not knowing what the fuck it is biiiitttttccchhh!"

Natasha looked at the other - not apart of the interaction - family members (and Wade). "I have no idea what the fuck is going on but I'm loving it!"

"Cross-eyed, crying down your back fat foot ass bitch."

That line sent a burst of loud laughter from each of the not-being-attacked-or-doing-the-attacking heroes.

"Those stupid PSAs have finally driven Peter mad." Wade said, shaking his head in feigned sadness. "It was only a matter of time..."

Tony's head shot towards Wade. "Wait, what PSAs?"

"Long tittied, no nipple having ass bitch!" Peter screeched, throwing his other shoe at Steve. This time it actually hit him.

The familial spectators cried out in sync "Ooooh! He said Steve ain't have no nippppllllleeeesss!"

Steve turned to look at his team mates. "What the heck?! Why aren't you stopping him?!"

Loki raised an eyebrow at Captain America. "This is comedic fucking genius, America-boy! Plus, I'm sure you deserve it!"

"I don't give any fucks about your opinion, you pepperoni nipple-less biiiitttttcccchhhh! Biiiitttttttcccccchhhhh!" Peter screeched, throwing his arms in the air like a bird outstretching it's wings.

Thor looked at his fiancé, once again confused. "Is it usual in Midgardian culture for nipples to be compared to the circular red slices of pizza meat?"

"Your PSAs and opinion doesn't matter in elementary school either you biiiitttttcccchhhh!" Spider-Man hollered. 

Steve crosses his arms, pouted, and glared at the teen. "It does, too!"

And with that, a lamp (which, strangely enough, wasn't even kept in the room) was sent flying straight into Steve's head - knocking him unconscious.

Peter calmed down quickly but didn't look apologetic whatsoever.

"So, what was all that about, Peter? And what are these PSAs you referred to, are they what I think they are?" Tony asked, grinning largely.

Peter nodded his head frantically. "If you're picture hundreds of videos consisting of the unconscious-Captain over there 'helping' us by degrading our every action, then yes."

Stephen squeaked in overjoyed amusement. Another thing to tease Steve over whenever the blonde idiot was becoming unbearable!

Natasha grabbed one of the nearby Stark tablets (of which Tony kept one in every room in the tower because he was a billionaire) and shoved it into Peter's arms.
"Show us."

5 minutes later, everyone but Peter and Wade (who has seen them way too many times before and no longer found them amusing) were howling in laughter, watching the PSAs.

That was, until a mortified gasp came from Captain America's direction on the couch.

Peter eyes snapped over to the now conscious and horrified Steve. "Biiiiiitttttcccchhhhhhh!"

Lets just say, the footage the Loki recorded went viral within hours.