Crazy Super-Gay Peter Parker One-shots

Jumping To Conclusions

This chapter was a request by marvelxdc123 and is, dun, DuN, DUN - the 100th part posted in this book!

So, as promised: badly photoshopped Trump on people/characters!

(Plus a couple that I put in my discord server)

Anyway!

Ships: IronStrange, Frostmaster

Warnings: Assumed kidnapping, assumed murder, minor violence, swearing, insults

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Childish giggling filled the air as the Avengers, excluding Ironman who'd done it weeks earlier, returned from signing the Accords.

Of course, they weren't really the original, greatly fought over Accords any longer. The Stark Industries lawyers had torn it to shreds, rewriting and building it until everyone was relatively okay with what the positives and negatives would do for them.

It had taken nearly four years to get them right, of course, but it was well worth the wait.

Now, everyone was free. The Avengers remained the Avengers, just with a few new faces, and a couple of new procedures for when they fought crime.

Steve, Bucky, Sam, Natasha, Clint, Vision, Pietro, Wanda, Thor, and Bruce walked towards the sound of bubbly laughter. They were quickly joined by Loki and his boyfriend - the Grandmaster -, who had just arrived to stay with Tony (mostly to cause some only slightly illegal mischief on Midgard).

Just as they came to a stop in the lounge room, being let in by the snarky female AI named Friday, a small child with a puff of brunette hair ran past.

The Avengers and CO watched in open-mouthed confusion as Tony Stark jumped out from a nearby doorway. This obviously scared the young child, who screeched before laughing hysterically and running away.

Tony laughed, running after the boy, who only stopped when the child had caught sight of the group of new faces. Ironman, noticing them, too, swooped in and picked up his son - taking a few steps back from the other Avengers.

Before he could open his mouth to greeted his old friends, and reintroduce himself, along with Peter, to the group, Steve simply had to speak up.

"Holy fuck, I can't believe you've done this, Tony. Kidnapping a child? Disgusting." Steve proclaimed, getting looks from the extremely confused people surrounding him. Jumping to conclusions seemed to be one of Captain America's many, many talents at that moment.

"This child has a name, which is Peter. P-E-T-E-R. Peter. My son." Tony stated, his eyes narrowed at Steve immediately. The billionaire whispered quietly in Peter's ear before placing him lightly on the couch.

Nobody else could hear what was said by Ironman, but, according to Peter's immediate departure from the room, it was likely to get help.

"As if that's the case. No one responsible would allow you to keep a kid." Steve snapped in return, rolling his eyes. "Who does the child belong to, Stark? Are they dead because of you?"

"Of course no-" Tony tried to respond, but was interrupted by Captain America.

"Don't lie to me- we all know that you've either kidnapped this kid or you're using him for pity point from the media." Steve Rogers scoffed, rolling his eyes as the others gasped in horror.

Loki, Thor, Bruce, Natasha, Bucky and The Grandmaster, stared at Steve, speaking in sync. "What the fuck dude?!"

Steve rolled his eyes again. "Be quiet, Tony needs to realise that whatever he's doing with this child isn't right!"

At that very moment Peter returned, his extremely unimpressed other father in tow.

"Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!" The four year old screamed, glaring at Captain America in a very non-fear-inspiring way. "Daddy was right! You are a bitch!"

"What the fu-" Steve stared, blinking at the child.

"Don't you fucking dare speak like that in front of my child!" Stephen snapped, getting confused looks from most of the others.

"Who are you?" Sam asked, staring at the unfamiliar man.

"Stephen Stark-Strange, Tony's husband and Peter's other father." The sorcerer replied stoically.

Steve, having no interest in Ironman's husband, turned towards Tony, a patronising tone clear in his voice - even from the first word. "You-"

Peter interrupted the hero, "Shut the fuck up, you bitch ass American thot goblin!"

There was an assortment of stunned silence from the group, many of which were blinking at the four year old in shock.

Steve opened his mouth to speak again, but immediately regretted it as Peter threw an iPad at his head, knocking Captain America unconscious.

"Peter!" Tony cried. "What have I told you about throwing StarkPads! They're top of the line electronics."

"It was an iPad, not a Starkpad." Peter replied cheerfully, giggling softly.

Ironman stared at his son, grinning widely. "Fair enough. What are we going to with Steve?"

"Viking funeral!" The child screamed, clapping his hands together in excitement.

There was silence from everyone present, with Bucky eventually speaking up. "He's not dead, though?!?!"