Crazy Super-Gay Peter Parker One-shots

Tony Stark Has Adoption Issues

Please note that this one-shot contains minor NWH spoilers. Honestly, it doesn't reveal an awful lot and you don't need any knowledge of the movie to understand this fic at all.

Ships: IronStrange

Warnings: Swearing

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Tony Stark did NOT have adoption issues, thank you very much.

"Please?"

"No."

"Pretty please?"

"Absolutely not."

"But why?"

"BECAUSE WE ARE NOT KEEPING TWO ALTERNATE UNIVERSE VERSIONS OF PETER, TONY!"

Okay, perhaps that wasn't completely true, but it wasn't exactly 'issue' level, per se.

"But they need affection."

"You're insane!"

"No I'm not, I just think our son deserves brothers."

Okay, Tony Stark definitely did have adoption issues. Unluckily for him, his husband, Stephen, wasn't exactly as taken with the idea as he was.

"And what exactly are we going to tell the press? No one is going to believe that you just coincidentally adopted two more Peter Parkers," the sorcerer demanded, crossing his arms.

Tony rolled his eyes, throwing his hands into the air. "We're billionaires. We do weird shit all the time!"

"Not adopt three versions of the same person weird!"

"Please!"

"No! We're sending them home."

"But... but... but Peter wants them to stay!"

"Peter is too young to realise the impact of long term inter dimension replacement," Stephen retorted. "You, on the other hand, are not."

"It'll be fiiiiine."

"It most certainly won't be. Wong is already pissed that we broke the universe!"

"We didn't do anything," Tony replied dismissively.

Stephen replied with gritted teeth, flooring a good foot off the ground. "We brought several human being to this universe from others! That is like the opposite of nothing!"

"Hey, guys, can we please do this at a different time?" Steve practically begged, trying to hide his face from the camera.

They (the Avengers and Co) were stood atop a large stage, in front of thousands of people to give an apology speech for something. Not that any of them knew what exactly this something was, of course. Mostly because it was somehow completely unrelated to the topic at hand.

Regardless, they were all on live tv and microphoned. Meaning that each and every person watching had witnessed that entire interaction.

Pepper, Bruce, and Nat face palmed silently, while Clint and Bucky laughed themselves blue and Thor watched on in complete confusion.

"Butt out, Steve!"