Crazy Super-Gay Peter Parker One-shots

Walmart (Ft Peter's Hatred For Shopping And Chaotic Dumbass-ness)

This is a request from quack539 , so sorry it took so long! I didn't really know what to do as a plot, so I used one of my previous ideas for a one-shot (the original idea for my 'Partying Avenger Style - The Weirdest Stuff Happens At Walmart') and changed it a lot to fit with the ships.

Ships: Stony, SpiderFlash

Warnings: Swearing, Flash and Peter being absolute idiots, the torture (not really) of a security guard

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Peter Stark-Rogers didn't like shopping. Actually, he hated it.

Hated the people.

Hated the noise.

Hated the lights.

Hated it.

But that didn't stop his fathers, Tony and Steve, from dragging him to Walmart every single Saturday morning.

Why would a billionaire and his out-of-time husband want to go to one of the worst places on Earth weekly? No one knows.

Now, something you need to know about the 15 year old teen is when he doesn't want to do something he will find a way to get out of it - even if he embarrasses himself in the process.

So Peter had a plan; be the most embarrassing person in the world so that he never EVER has to do shopping with his parents again... with the help of his boyfriend, Flash!

Peter, being the meme loving teenager he was, dressed in two layers of clothing. The top layer was full camouflage, worrying the Avengers greatly, and the bottom was his regular clothes.

When the three superheroes arrived at the shops Peter was joined by Eugene Thompson (who was dressed almost identically to him). They began saying things like "I'm here and no one can see me!" And "Hehehe, if only they know!" as they walked into the store.

Tony and Steve simply rolled their eyes at their weird son and his equally weird boyfriend.

The two teens began walking around the store - shoulders hunched and in a crab walking motion. They looked like camouflage wearing goblins, circling confused people and laughing loudly.

Every now and again someone would attempt to ask them why they were acting so weird, but the 15 years olds just screamed 'We are invisible!' in sync and ran off.

The now horrified Stark-Rogers husbands could do nothing but watch the insanity.

Soon Peter and Eugene were hiding behind a shelf of dolls in the toy section, no longer wearing their camouflage layer. Flash had placed a Dora the Explorer doll in the middle of the floor so now they were waiting.

And waiting.

And waiting.

Until final an employee bent over to pick it up.

Jumping out from behind the shelf, Peter hit the doll out of the man's hands while Flash screamed. "Swiper no swiping!"

Tony and Steve rounded the corner, hearing the yelling. "Peter we have talked about this." Steve said unamused.

Tony, however, was smirking in humour, he really did find amusement in the torment of others. He didn't care if Peter went shopping with them or not, but he just went along with whatever his husband wanted.

Half an hour later, Peter and Flash were standing in the clothing isle, randomly browsing the miscellaneous objects, when a worker slinked up to him.

"Is there anything you need help with today?" He asked rudely, in an I'm-better-then-the-other-people-that-work-here, kinda way.

"WHAT?!" Peter shouted, pretending to not hear him.

"I said, is there anything you need help with today?" The employee said through gritted teeth.

"Oh, our friend here-" Peter said directing to the empty air next to him and a nodding Flash "-lost his bra and needs a new one."

There was silence from the employee, who was staring at the person-less space.

"...what is your friends size?" He asked after gapping at him for a minute.

"Never mind he found it! That lady's baby has it!" Flash cried, pointing to a trolly with a baby inside, who was actually clutching a bra.

"Umm, okay?" The worker said, backing away slowly.

Steve, who was standing next to Tony in the next isle, looked at his husband. "Do. Something. Now."

Tony just shrugged his shoulders and walked off.

Peter and Flash could then be sitting in a shopping cart, squished and pushing themselves around with a broom, singing.

"I'm a little teapot,
Short and stout,
Here is my handle,
Here is my spout,
When I get all steamed up,
Hear me shout,
"Tip me over
And pour me out!"

They sang/shouted, making people look at them like they were crazy.

"Oi! You teens! Stop that!" A security guard shouted as Peter and Eugene climbed out of the cart and into a pair of kids motorised cars on display, where they started racing each other down the isles.

The security guard chased after them but began wheezing after mere seconds - undefined to the physical exercise. "Come back here!"

They continued racing until the lost sight of the guard in the dairy isle.

Steve and Tony stared at the puffing security guard slumped across the floor as they calmly grabbed a few litres of milk, Steve looked rather annoyed by his son's behaviour.

That's when the teens found the costume isle.

Peter turned to his boyfriend, eyes wide and a giant smirk covering his face. Flash' expression matched Peter's as the ran forward, grabbing a child size Disney Princess dress each and putting it over their clothes.

Soon Flash was wearing a cheap, knockoff Ariel costume that he could barley move in, and Peter was wearing a Beauty costume, with a matching crown.

"Your royal fishyness." Peter said regally, bowing painfully In the tight costume.

"My flower-reviving liege." Flash copies.

The young children in the isle - four six year old girls and two five year old boys - gapped at the teens, their parents watching in mortified horror.

"Hey! You little shits! Where are you?!" The security guard cried, rounding the corner to find the shocked parents and children but no teens.

The no-longer Disney Princess dress wearing teens were in the next isle, shredded outfits laying a cross the floor. The cheap stitching had come undone as they climbed over the isles.

As the security guard ran through the store stupidly going the opposite way to the teens, Peter and Flash were scheming.

They needed to be told to leave the store - not just reprimanded - for their plan to work.

And then they found it - the glorious burrito launcher that made their schemes a reality.

Peter ran to retrieve a few packets of slime while Flash grabbed two burrito launchers and a packet of batteries, both laughing maniacally as they went.

As the security guard rounded the corner of the cereal isle, the boyfriends each shot a stream of liquidy Walmart slime at him from their burrito launchers - Peter's green and Eugene's hot pink.

Steve and Tony watched in awe from the other side of the isle. It was glorious.

Time seemed to slow down, the colours became unnaturally vibrant, and the scene looked almost staged, like it was apart of a kids YouTube video or a movie. Their eyes were wide in horror and awe as they watched the guard become covered in the cold sticky substance.

"That's it!" The security guard exclaimed, wiping off the liquid slime from his face. "Get out! Go! Shoo!"

Flash and Peter snickered but ran out of the store anyway, dropping their launchers and leaving Steve and Tony to pay for the mess and damages.

Steve turned to his husband, face flushing red from embarrassment. "He is NEVER coming shopping with us again."