Crazy Super-Gay Peter Parker One-shots

Learning with Love Part 1 of 2

Warning ⚠️: this chapter contains drugs (Steve put down the pot), swearing, murder (So Natasha and Loki are involved), and Peter being creepy.

Ships: Science Bros, Spideypool, Stucky, idk what else but probably more.

I didn't know what to name this chapter so the title mightn't sound right.

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A large bang echoed through the kitchen as Tony slipped over, hurting his ankle.

Peter, being the overly emotional teen he was, immediately ran to him, sobbing.

"It's okay Mr Stark, just stay awake." Peter said frantically while lifting him up and carrying him to the couch.

Steve, who was also in the kitchen, rolled his eyes at the teen and Tony who was groaning on exasperation.

"Can I get up now?" Tony asked, looking at his son.

Spider-Man looked at him with a strange half smiling, half frowning, grin. "No. Stay very still but keep breathing or you will have to go and live with the bones of our elders."

"Creepy little fucker."

"If you die can I keep your flesh?" The 15 year old asked, showing way too many teeth.

Tony pushed him away, getting to his feet and ignoring the pain. "That's it. Kid, go bother someone else. I really can't do this right now."

Peter pouted but left his adoptive father alone, instead finding someone else to talk to.

This time it was two people, the magic maniacs themselves.

Stephen and Loki were sitting in the library, sipping cups of tea, when Peter burst in.

"Can you teach me magic?" Peter asked the god and sorcerer.

The two magical mayhem makers looked at each other. They seemed to be having a silent conversation but answered after a few minutes.

"Okay, but only because your our favourite Midgardian child. The first secret of magic is tea." Loki said, handing him a glass that he made appear out of nowhere.

"You must spill the tea for sorcery." Stephen agreed, taking a long sip of his.

About an hour and 4 pots of tea later, Peter had mastered both the mystic arts and magic. It was easy because he was an avid believer of everything strange and wacky.

He tried to go searching for Barney in Central Park once. That's a story for another time, though.

The trio floated in midair, both literally and metaphorically spilling the tea.

"So I heard that Bruce and Tony are a thing now. Can't say I didn't see that coming." Stephen claimed, wiggling his eyebrow.

Peter gagged, not wanting to talk about his father's love life, lowering himself to the floor. "I think that's enough gossip for one day. I'm going to go torment some other poor unfortunate souls. Love you gays!"

"I think you meant guys." Loki said, looking confused at the teenagers goodbye.

Spider-Man looked between the two of them with a raised eyebrow.

"Did I stutter?"

Both the god's and sorcerer's eyes opened widely as their mouths gaped open.

"Byeeee!"

As it was only just after 10AM and Peter had a full day of nothingness and everythingness planned.

Peter was ecstatic when he found his next family members. Natasha and Clint.

The assassin duo were in the training room, Nat sharpening her knives while Clint said encouraging words and phrases to his arrows.

"Nat! Clint!" Peter called, making them look up.

"Can you teach me how to be a queen?" He asked them, showing off his puppy dog eyes.

The cold hearts of the two immediately melted but the resisted the urge to coo over the 15 year old.

Or at least Nat did.

"Of course we can! Let Aunty Nat and Aunty Clint show you how it's done." The archer awed over Peter, who was internally thinking 'sucker.'

Nat smiled softly at her baby spider. "In order to be a queen you must be able to weird a knife with ease."

"Yep! We live by the QCM code!" Clint cried, handing him a large butchers knife.

"QCM code?"

The female assassin smirked, answering happily. "Queens Commit Murder."

"Ohhhhhh!"

The agents looked at each other with a grin. "Welcome to the dark side... or should we say the Queen side."

Peter looked different when he walked out of that room. A few streaks of purple ran through his hair and his nails were deathly sharp, filed with a knife.

He now also knew exactly how to murder someone and get away with it, something everyone needs to know.

It only took 5 minutes for Peter to get bored, so he went to find more of his family members. Bucky and Steve specifically.

The metal armed man and language lady were in the kitchen, baking brownies.

"Can I help?" He asked, appearing out of nowhere.

Bucky jumped into Steve's arms, dropping a closed packet of flour onto the floor.

Bucky got out down as Steve answered Peter's question. "Of course you can, son! We've always wanted to teach our children how to bake... but we've never had any."

"You guys could always adopt." Peter suggested to the downcast American stripper.

Bucky winced at that. They had tried to adopt but that was also a story for another time.

"Well... so what type of brownies are you making?" Peter asked, trying to interrupt the awkward silence.

"Tony suggested something called pot brownies? He said that he's supply is with all of the ingredients." Bucky answered, showing him the box of ingredients, including an unmistakable plant.

"I didn't know that Dad was a dealer." Peter mumbled in amusement.

Bucky and Steve looked at him confused. "What was that?" Steve asked.

"Nothing! Now let's make some pot brownies!" Peter shouted, grabbing the ingredients.

About two hours later things started to get weird.

"I can't find my arm!" Bucky cried looking for his metal arm, that was in his other hand.

Steve continuously rubbed the mixing bowl sitting on his head. "Where the fuck did my hair go?"

"Why is everyone looking at me?! Stop looking at me!" Bucky screamed, looking out the window and at a flock of birds.

"Oh my gawd, when did Spider-Man got here?" Steve asked, making funny faces at Peter.

The 15 year old sat there recording the whole thing, having eaten none of the brownies.

Bucky climbed into one of the kitchen cupboards and attempted to close the doors behind him. "I can't be around people right now, leave me!"

"Who took me lucky charms?" Steve yelled in an Irish accent, trying to find the cereal box.

"Ahhh! Keep the evil leprechaun bastard away from me!" Bucky shouted while in the cupboard.

The two Super-Soldiers had eaten 15 brownies each and were super high. Like SUPER high.

Once Bucky had burst into tears and Steve started watching a documentary on how cheese is made, Peter had gotten bored.

He abandoned his camera after sending a copy of the video to everyone he had ever met, and told Friday to keep recording.

Now he had to find someone new. Someone different. Someone
Thor-some.