Warning ⚠️: Moody Peter, swearing, maybe some murder
Ships: Spideypool, Stucky, IronStrange
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"Where to first?" Peter asked, getting into the passenger side.
"I've got a craving for nuggets and if I don't get them now then I'm blowing up a church." Loki said, speeding down the streets.
"That is such a mood! McDonalds it is then." Peter announced while looking out the window.
As they pulled into the parking lot Loki asked the only question worthy enough to be asked. "Drive through or not?
"Drive through, duh! Who do you think I am, someone who likes socialising?" Peter answered, pretending to flip his hair over his shoulders.
They were the only ones in the drive through, meaning that they got to the speaker immediately.
"Hi, what can I get you? We are having a special today on chicken strips." A female voice asked from the speaker.
"Fuck your chicken strips." Peter mumbled quietly, thinking of vines.
"Hello mortal, we are planning on consuming 6 boxes of your 24 nuggets." Loki answered, surprising the lady.
"Okay, any sauces?" She asked, shock obvious in her tone.
"Yes please. I think 18 sweet and sour sauces would be enough, right Peter?" Loki asked the teen.
"Yep..." Peter said vaguely, glaring at a bird off in the distance.
"Ummm... drive to the next window when you're ready, please." The lady said, thoroughly confused.
They got their food quickly and drove to a strangely quiet Central Park, where they started to consume the nuggets of chicken.
"So there I was, sitting in English class, when our Maths teacher burst in. Mr Ronn, my Maths teacher, punched Mr Greg, my English teacher, then Miss Gonzalez ran in." Peter started, telling Loki the school drama.
"So then Miss Gonzalez slapped Mr Ronn, yelling in Spanish, and shouted about a baby in English. Mr Greg threw some things off of his desk and Miss Gonzalez started crying and Mr Ronn curled into a ball on the floor. Because Im the only one that knows Spanish I had to tell the principal what Miss Gonzalez said." Peter continued to the intrigued god.
Loki looked at him in amusement, humour glinting in his eyes. "What did she say?"
"She said 'You might be my fiancé but I am pregnant with his child!' Which means that she cheated on Mr Ronn with Mr Greg and got pregnant and now their lives are a soap opera." Peter answered, grinning.
Loki burst into laughter, wonder how Midgardian people survived with lives like these.
"Did anything happen at the tower while I was at school?" Peter asked, eating his 23rd nugget.
"Steve and Bucky asked Tony and Stephen what was the gayest thing they've ever done and strange said 'Tony'." Loki answered, eating his 29th.
The 15 year old burst into laughter, drawing the attention of passers.
Within the next 20 minutes all of the nuggets were eaten and the two were getting bored.
"This might sound crazy but I know that Barney is real!" Peter announced, making Loki look at him like he was nuts.
"Don't be silly, Barney is only a figment of your imagination!" Cried the god.
"I will prove that he is real and that he resides in this very park!" Peter announced, jumping to his feet and running away.
Loki rolled his eyes, also jumping to his feet before following Peter . "You won't be able to find him, because Barney because he doesn't exist."
"Then explain that!" Spider-Man shouted, pointing to a large purple mass.
A man in a Barney the dinosaur costume, A.K.A a 7 foot purple foam suit, was wearing roller skates and performing tricks.
"Oh my gawd it really is Barney!" Loki said, jaw dropping.
"Barney! My love! Senpai!" Peter shouted, getting the dinosaur's attention.
He tried to skate away but Peter was faster, the superhero pulling him into a hug.
"No! Notice ME Senpai!" Loki shouted, pushing Peter away from his 'Senpai.'
"Ahhhhhh!" Barney screamed roller skating away as the teen and god fought about who's Senpai he was.
"I've always believed that Barney was real!"
"But I love him with all of my heart!"
"I loved him first!"
"Did not!"
"Did too!"
"Wait a minute, where did he go?" Loki said, looking around confused.
Tears started clouding Peter's eyes. "Senpai doesn't love me?"
"I-I can't live without him!" Loki cried, both of them falling to the ground sobbing.
A minute later they both stopped, sat up, and walked back to their Ferrari.
"Let's get ice-cream!" Loki yelled, jumping into the drivers seat.
"Queen, that is the best idea I've heard all day!" Peter said, looking at the mischievous man in awe.
The two pulled up to the ice-cream store and burst through the closed doors.
The employees all looked up.
"Oh no." The lady at the counter said.
"Oh no." Said the man at the ice-cream machine.
"Oh no." Gasped the girl wiping down one of the tables.
"Oh yeah!" Peter and Loki yelled, running to the counter.
"Our usual please!" Peter shouted, giddy at the thought of ice-cream.
"Two family sized tubs, one with chocolate ice-cream, cookies and cream Ice-cream, rocky road ice-cream, peanut butter ice-cream, and all the toppings except for all things peppermint and cherry. The other with Nutella ice-cream, triple chocolate chip brownie ice-cream, caramel and macadamia nut ice-cream and vanilla ice-cream. Same toppings as the first." The lady took a breath, not being used to saying such a long order.
"That will be $75.50, please wait while we make it." She said as Loki handed her the money.
"ICE-CREAM!!!" Peter shouted, jumping up and down from joy.
The two employees at the counter made the ice-cream in record time before directing them out of the shop.
"I pray to the gods that they don't kidnap another army of angry cats." The girl wiping the tables said.
They did.
YOU ARE READING
Crazy Super-Gay Peter Parker One-shots
FanfictionThis is a book of insane One-shots centring around everyones favourite friendly neighbourhood spider! Warning ⚠️ !!! Will include: - a LOT of swearing - this book is verrrrryyyyy gay. Like 99.999% of my ships are gay. - possibly, most likely, de...
