Crazy Super-Gay Peter Parker One-shots

Hall Monitor Tony

Summary: What if Tony Stark became the hall monitor at Peter's high school?

Based of Brandon Rogers: Hall Monitor Helen (I recommend watching this video because you will understand this chapter better)

*⚠️Big Warning for triggering themes, major swearing and offensive subjects- please do not take anything personal and heed my warnings- This is a joke and I thought it would be funny, plus I don't think anyone else has done this yet! ⚠️*

Ships: none.

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Tony, dressed up as strange looking 40 year old lady, stood in one of the many hallways of Midtown High, talking to himself. "I've been hall monitor for 15 minutes now and I'm already ready to burn down the school." He said with a large smile, getting concerned looks from the usually uncaring teenagers, Peter Parker and Ned Leeds in particular.

"What's he doing here?" Ned whispered to Peter while keeping his eyes on the Billionaire.

"He lost a bet." Peter answered with a sigh before turning away from his mentor. "Let's just keep an eye on him, agreed?" He asked his best friend.

"Agreed." Ned mumbled.

Seconds later Peter's day went from bad to worse. "Principal Morris, I'm going to need backup. The kindigardiners are raping each other!"  Tony yelled through a megaphone.

"...But we don't have kindagardeners..." Ned said in confusion as Peter slammed his head into his locker.

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Tony walked over to a group of teenage girls and said "about 3 years ago my husband went out one night for a beer but that beer was all the way in Tennessee and had much bigger breasts." Before walking away from the mortified girls.

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"Well maybe you wouldn't be in detention if you stoped playing with the other boys assholes." Tony said to the male Spanish teacher as he gave the man a detention form. The Spanish teacher looked both shocked and annoyed.

Peter just face palmed repeatedly, thinking "What have I done in my past lives to deserve with?"

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"Principal Morris, one of the second graders is on fire and I don't think he's gonna make it this time." Tony said through the megaphone, interrupting a teacher meeting. Principal Morris groaned and gritted his teeth to stop from yelling at the billionaire.

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"Stop running you little asshole." Tony said to Flash as he ran through the hallways, chasing after Peter.

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"Why don't you get your math done before you get pregnant." Ironman said as he burst through the closed maths class room door. Peter slammed his head into the desk repeatedly while Ned tried to comfort him and MJ drew him in her crisis book.

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"Busted shithead! Thought you could smoke the marijuana's? You just earned yourself three weeks of detention, young man." Tony yelled at a random 11th grader while Peter washed his hands. Peter groaned and left the bathroom as Tony was pants-ed by the 'Shithead' as his mentor had put it. 

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"All of you little assholes are going nowhere in life." Tony shouted into the megaphone after walking into Peter's P.E class, interrupting Peter's class for the second time.

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"Principal Morris I've got terrible news. You know Timmy, one of the fourth graders?" Tony asked, getting a resounding 'no' from the principal.

"Gay. Told me this afternoon."

Principal Morris nearly broke down into sobs as Tony yelled "the hell you mean your not gonna do anything about it?! He's probably out there right now getting his holes stretched to the size of a shower drain. Tells me my goddam cookies taste like shit but then like the taste of-" while he had his finger on the loud speaker button.

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"You look like a goddamn troll." The mechanic said, looking at the short wrinkled English teacher.

"And you look like a douchebag!" The 70 year old said, kicking him in the private part.

Peter sighed and walked in the other direction.

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While Peter was talking with the principal about his outstanding test scores in science and math, Tony burst in.

"Here is my letter of resignation. You can roll up into a tight little rod and shove it up your dick." Tony said throwing a piece of orange paper at him. "Do you want this open or closed?" He asked through the megaphone at the door, just getting a nod from the tired principal who didn't answer his question.

Peter decided that if Tony ever lost another bet, he would take the day off school.