Crazy Super-Gay Peter Parker One-shots

The Metal Arm Tattoo And The Dis-Track; Muppets Or Torture?

Wow! A continuous supply of  Spideypool and Spiderfrost, and now Spiderchair, SpiderVenom, and WinterSpider in a row! Yes, this chapter is WinterSpider, if you haven't already guessed.

This chapter was requested by supersher7 (their username has changed since I took the screenshot, I believe).

Also, I used a song generator to make the song later on in that chapter, so if you want to use it - it'll likely be the first thing that pops up if you search for one.

Ships: WinterSpider (I'm de-ageing Bucky to 18, and Peter is 17), Stony (Steve is his regular age, but he and Bucky weren't friends in the past, instead Steve had a different friend who actually died), and BlackPepper

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of torture (in the form of a very badly written song), a badly written song

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Peter didn't know much about relationships.

I mean, he was kidnapped at 3 years old by hydra - being taken from his fathers (Tony and Steve) and surrogate mother (Pepper) - so he had grown up loveless and alone.

He'd been returned to his parents at 16 (along with his 17 year old boyfriend Bucky), of course, and his relationship with them was just like any other loving parent-child relationship. But he still had a major deficit when it came to love, in general, even after being with his family for a year.

So, when it came to how to help the person he loved most in the world, he had no clue what to do.

I mean, what do you do when your boyfriend spends 3 hours every single day staring at himself in the bathroom mirror, calling himself a monster internally?

It wasn't really a question you could ask on reddit, really, and his parents and surrogate mother had no idea, either.

Pepper's wife, Natasha Potts-Romanoff, on the other hand, did.

"Peter," Nataaha said softly one day, sitting down next to him as he tried to figure how to help his boyfriend, "telling him he's perfect won't help. You've got to show him. That's what Pepper did for me."

"How?" Peter asked, a stern look on his face.

Natasha smirked. "You'll have to figure that out on your own, Petey."

And so he did.

After days of continuous planning, he cornered his fathers, and explained his plan.

They were hesitant at first. I mean, what parents wouldn't be if their 17 year old son wanted to get a tattoo.

But they gave in eventually and even decided to take him to one of the New York tattoo parlours, claiming that it would be safer for him to get the tattoo under adult supervision.

A couple days later, after the redness from his tattoo had dissipated, his plan was ready to commence.

After dating Bucky for two years, Peter knew his daily routine pretty well. So he decided to wait until Bucky was returning from lunch to strike.

"Boo, bitch! Surprise!" Peter screamed, jumping into the room from the hallway and scaring Bucky. "You're perfect as you are!"

"Ahhh-! Peter?" Bucky screeched, clutching his chest in fright.

Peter nodded, clapping his hands together after every word of the following sentences. "You. Are. Not. A. Monster! You. Are. Perfect. As. You. Are!"

"Peter, I am and you-" The Winter Soldier began, but was cut off by Peter's tututu-ing.

"No! I love you, bitch! And I'm never gonna stop loving you, bitch!" Peter quoted.