Tommyinnit Oneshots (With SBI) (Book 2)

The Pain Isn't Easy (Tommy angst)(1/?)

Please be aware that this contains self harm! Please don't read this if you're triggered by this! Please stay safe!

Tommy POV

Tommy had always struggled. Being in and out of houses made his life difficult.  Especially when most of the houses were physically and verbally abusive. By the time Phil found him, Tommy had already been in thirty-three houses.

When Phil took him in, Tommy assumed this house would be the same. He never in a million years would have thought he would be calling it home less than a year later. But to surprise, and worry, it wasn't. It was good, better than he could have ever imagined. He was cared for and even loved. And for the first time in his life, the thought of being forced to leave broke his heart.

So when he was offered adoption, he could hardly believe it. It felt too good to be true. And one thing he had learned through all his experiences was if it seemed too good to be true, then it wasn't real. Yet this was. The papers were all real. 

He still remembered opening the envelop on Christmas. He had stared at the papers, not sure if he was actually reading the words correctly. And suddenly he was crying. The overwhelming emotions flooded out of him. All the emotions he had bottled up since he had gotten there.

The others had looked at each other, after he was saying no. Tommy remembered shaking his head, a bright smile on his face. "Yes. I-I would love to get adopted." Phil, Techno, and Wilbur cried tears of their own, engulfing their new family member in a much needed hug.

And suddenly he had a real family. He had a home.

But that didn't mean every one of his problems was solved.

Tommy had always found hard ways of coping with his trauma. Smoking, vaping, even drinking before the age of twelve. But somehow that wasn't enough. And with the thoughts getting harder and harder, Tommy had to turn to something else.

Self harming. The idea of it was enough to make him sick. Just thinking about the disappointed look on Phil's face. And for a while, Tommy resisted the urge by thinking of his family. But like an untreated disease, it only got worse. The voices got louder. Until one night, he couldn't shut them out anymore.

The plan had been to study up until he went to bed. Exams were starting the next day, beginning with his least favorite subject, English. Because he was in and out of so many houses, Tommy had never really developed his skill for writing things. It was always changing and that made learning it especially difficult because of the inconsistency in his life.

A half an hour in and Tommy's eyes were burning. Or at least that's what they felt like. Staring at a page for so long hurt his eyes. So taking a break was the perfect solution. Just a small amount of time away from the stresses and anxieties about exams. Pulling out his phone, he quickly went to Twitter.

Tommy had recently started posting content, just like the rest of his family. After watching them develop their own videos, Tommy couldn't help but fall in love with the idea of becoming a Youtuber. Besides, it ran in his family. So why couldn't he follow in their footsteps?

Wilbur took him under his wing, helping him to create his first idea. He supported the blonde, telling him that he could create anything he could imagine. But there was one thing he warned him about. Hate. Tommy had only recently gotten social media, but he figured he could handle it. He figured there wasn't anything he couldn't handle.

So, opening Twitter, he knew what to expect. At least, he thought he did. He had never been more wrong in his life.

"I can't believe this Tommy kid thinks he's funny."

"Bruhhhh what am I even watching?

"How can he be related to SBI? He's not even funny!

"Why is he so skinny?"

"His friends must hate him after having to listen to his voice all day. If he even has friends."

The phone dropped out of his hands, falling to the ground with a thud. His hands began to tremble as the memories took over. All those comments... he had heard them before.

"Will you just shut up? No one wants to listen to your annoying laugh, least of all me!"

"I don't get paid enough for this. If the government wasn't paying me, I would have already gotten rid of you."

"Will you stop crying? I didn't hit you that hard, you brat."

Thoughts invaded his brain, the voices he hadn't heard since before he met Phil. Holding his hands to his ears, he tried to drown them out. But the voices kept tugging at him, no matter what he did.

Glancing towards the bathroom, his heart began to crack. He was going to let his family down. Before he even knew what he was doing, he had the razor against his skin. Lines began to cover his thighs, too many to count. 

The overwhelming amount of pain brought him back to reality. Dropping the razor, he buried his face in his hands. He swore to himself that he would never draw on his skin again. And he tried to keep that vow.

But the voice wouldn't go away.

"You deserve it."

And he believed it.

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Hope you liked it!

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Please stay safe!

Hope you have an amazing day!

-Snowy