I'm Yours (Sequel to "You're mine")

Chapter 156: The manual

T's POV

I failed.
I failed.
Even he knows.
I failed.

"Talia?"

I blinked. I noticed I was seated on the ground, my back against the store I was desperately trying to get to.

"Talia?" Eva came closer, kneeling in front of me.

I blinked more, it felt as if I was waking up somehow.

"Auntie T?"

This got my attention immediately. I looked at Hannah. "Hi Hannah-bear."

She smiled at my nickname for her.

Eva smiled as well, seemingly relieved. "Come," She took my hand, helping me get up. "Let's go to the park."

I slowly got up. My legs didn't seem to fully work, they almost felt like jelly. Slowly, with each step, it felt better.

We walked to the park. I could feel Eva's eyes on me every now and then.

We found a nice bench to sit at. "Don't go too far," Eva said to Hannah. We watched her play in the secure play ground. We were seated right in front of it. Eva looked for a while before looking at me. I could tell she wanted to say so much, she wanted to ask even more.
But she didn't.
She waited. She waited for me to be ready to talk.

I sighed and looked away, looking at Hannah play. Hearing her cheers, her laughter, her joy... I smiled. I remember when my boys played like that, without a care in the world. Things were different now. And I wasn't sure whether I could cope.

Eva was still merely looking at me, observing me. She wouldn't say a thing until I talked. I knew that for sure. And, knowing that, it made me feel safe. I knew what to expect.

I sighed deeply and looked down. "I failed." I gulped as I had said it.

"In what way?"

I gulped. "Just every way," I sighed. "I failed at everything."

Eva seemed to process what I had said. She took a while to respond but, I still felt safe with her. I knew she wouldn't judge me. "What made you feel that way?"

I looked at Hannah. "My family," I saw how she was playing. "My sons," Without a care in the world... "Jin."

She reached for my hand, holding it in hers, making me look at her. She showed me a small smile. "What happened?"

I sighed. "I just don't know how to deal with him."

"Who does?"

I looked at her, rather shocked at her reply.

But she smiled. "What parent does know how to deal with their child?" She gently squeezed my hand. "Talia, it's completely normal that you sometimes just don't know. You're figuring it out as you go, that's what life and parenting is like."

I let her words sink in, slowly processing them.

Eva looked at Hannah. "I've dealt with all kinds of people: people with depressions, people with trauma, people with a personality disorder, people with anxiety, people with mental problems, and so on," She smiled a bit. "But nothing got me more anxious than becoming a parent," She looked at me. "There's a manual for everything in life, except for how to be a parent."

I blinked a few times as I let her words sink in again. I knew she was right, I understood her. I agreed with her. But, despite all of that, I remained harsh for myself.
I looked away. It's almost as if Eva saw this as a clue.

"Have you tried to talk to him?"

I looked at her. "Jin?"

She nodded.

I shook my head. "I constantly worry I may do or say something wrong and set him off."

She squeezed my hand again. "Try," She showed me a small smile. "Go learn how to diffuse that bomb."

I chuckled.

_______________________________

Leah's POV

Later that day, T returned. She seemed calm, focussed somehow.

I got up. "T, we need - "

But she shushed me by putting up her hand. She walked past me and up the stairs.

I frowned as I wondered what she may be doing.
But, instead of waiting to find out, I went after her. I hurried upstairs but also tried not to make too much noise.

I arrived at the bedroom of the boys. I could hear T talking to them. I could hear her talk to Jin.

I observed and listened for a while before slowly retreating to our bedroom.
I waited there for her.

While I waited, I went on wattpad again. My eyes landed on these posts asking me when I'd return.
I should. But when? And how?

The door to the bedroom opened. T entered.

I put my phone aside and looked at her. I tried to read her emotions.

She didn't really look at me yet. She simply put everything aside and started to get ready for bed.

I watched her.

When she was done, she sighed deeply.

I patted the spot next go me.

She saw this gesture and smiled a bit. She slowly got in bed with me. She let out a deep breath.

I looked at her for a bit.

"I'm sorry." We said almost at the same time.

We both chuckled.

She looked at me. "I'm sorry for not understanding the bond you have with him. I guess I just was worried about you."

I nodded. "I'm sorry too for not understanding. I guess I was so focussed on Jin feeling good that I forgot about my own wife."

She scooted closer to me. She smiled and took me in her arms. "He told me how happy he was that you were there for him."

I smiled. "I try to be."

She nodded. "You're doing an amazing job, just..." She seemed to look for the right words. "Just don't forget about the rest, about you."

I slowly nodded.

We got silent then. T was looking at me while I was thinking about Jin, and about her words.

"I think I just want to protect him and shield him from what I went through," I sighed deeply. "People can be so mean."

She slowly nodded. "And we'll help him deal with that, just like we'll help Emil deal with that."

"But he's going to have such a hard road..."

"So what?" She took me by my chin and made me look at her. "Sometimes the hard roads are the most fun." She smiled.

I smiled more and leaned in, finally kissing my wife. "I love you, baby."

"I love you too, baby."