CHAPTER ONE HUNDRED THIRTY
10.18
Iyen,
Please let me tell you about this. While I am still in our realities, and luckily got my mind running peacefully on the eighteenth of october.
It's been a short while. Pero para sa akin ay sobrang tagal na ng nakalipas. Time used to spend faster when we were together, at ngayon, pakiramdam ko ay kinain na lahat ng panahon ko dahil wala ka.
Kamusta ka naman? Be well, oke? Gusto ko palagi kang malusog at syempre, masaya.
May kukwento ako sa iyo, Yeyen!
My doctor Sunmi is very nice. I told her about us. Pinaringgan niya ang saloobin ko at nagtanong pa--- mula sa pinakamababaw hanggang sa pinakamalalim na maaari niyang itanong sa akin.
Nga pala, binisita ako ni Nari, kaibigan mo... natin pala. She said, she's wishing for me to have a rest from the hardships. And then i tell myself, what am I still doing here if I don't know what to do with my life anymore?
I'm sorry. Kung may nilalabag man ako, kung nasasaktan man kita, kung nasira ko tayo... hindi ako yun. I lose touch with the reality. You know what I mean, Iyen. Mahal na mahal kita at hindi ko magagawa yun sa atin. Pero kahit na alam mo ay wala na rin yung bisa dahil hindi ka na babalik sa akin.
I'm always scared of what I'm capable of. I'll be living in the ward for good... to continue my treatment and medication para makalaya na rin ako. Buong akala ko ay makakapag-aral pa din ako kahit dito na lang sa bahay pero nag-alala ang kuya dahil muntik muntikanan na naman ako nung isang araw.
Now, I'll say, ambata pa nga pala talaga natin para problemahin na ang tungkol dito.
I'm sorry I brought us disaster. If I hold the world, I'll keep us safe, but you see, I'm no good for you so I had to set us free.
Hmm, teka, may nagugustuhan ka na ba? Sino naman yan? Si Ms. Miyoung ba? Sa dinami-raming babae, bakit yung may anak pa? Bakit yung may kapit pang rason para lalo mo siyang intindihin at alagaan?
Iyen, i hate it dahil nagseselos ako!
I hate it!
I fucking hate it!
This sucks to the core because I know that life does go on while I don't know how to forget about everything you did and said to me when I was your world.
I miss you.
And I always will.
With all my heart,
Me.
