Inferno Part 2

~41~ I Can't Do It

Sasha's POV

School is done for me and I've got the entire summer to focus on my family. Hallelujah! I remember a month or so ago, sobbing in the bathroom. Mason came in and found me.

"What's wrong?" He asks, coming down and sitting next to me on the floor.

"I just don't think I can do this. I'm missing everything" I sniff, putting my head on his chest.

"With Drew?"

I nod. "And you. I never see any of you"

He nods and holds me close. "This won't be for forever, Sash."

"No, but now he's a baby. This isn't fair. I'm honestly thinking about dropping out" I say, sniffing. I love school. I love my dance team. I don't want to quit.

He kisses me and nods. "If that's what you really want to do we will make it work. In another year or so I'll be back on my feet. I'll be able to afford for you to be a stay-at-home mom." He says, rubbing my back.

I just nod.

"It's not what you want, though, is it?"

I start to sob and shake my head. I want it all. But I can't give my all to everything. To everyone. I'm really struggling.

"Then let's just focus on this last month. You've got one more month before school is out for three months. You can do one more month" he says, pulling my into his lap and kissing my hair. I miss him. I miss Drew. This is all just so hard.

We're outside right now letting Drew play in the grass. He's not even sitting up yet, but he's obsessed with being outside. We put a blanket in the grass and he's laying on it, staring at the sky. He's kicking his chubby little legs and making cute little "coo" noises. I just stare at his perfect face. He looks so much like his daddy. He's such a handsome little thing.

Mason, Luke, Dylan, and Liam are all playing basketball. I'm sitting watching my baby play in the grass, and my guy play ball. I can't believe I can actually take the time to watch them. It feels so good.

Josie is sitting next to me, holding Drew's finger. She's obsessed with him. I've actually been a little jealous of her. She's with him more than me. Sometimes I wonder if he thinks she's his mom.

The fact that I'm jealous of a 14 year old is pathetic. I should be ashamed of myself.

"What do you want to do today?" I ask Josie.

She just looks at me and shrugs. She never talks to me. She talks to mom and Emma a lot. She even talks to dad and Luke. For some reason she doesn't like me, and I'm not sure why.

"I thought about going to the mall. I need to get some new dance clothes for rehearsals. Any interest in joining me?" I ask. She's starting dance camp in two months for the high school. I'm sure she's going to need some clothes too.

She just shakes her head, continuing to stare at Drew.

I sigh but say nothing. I'm tired of feeling like the outsider all of the time. This is my family too.

I take Drew in and put him down for a nap. Mason and Dylan come up to the apartment about half an hour later.

"You guys need to quit talking so loud. Drew is sleeping" I say, shushing them.

Dylan rolls his eyes. "You're finally here and now you wanna act like my mom? No thanks" he snaps as he goes into his room and slams the door.

Mason sighs and opens the door. "What have I told you about slamming the door?" He asks in a stern "dad-like" voice.