Some Fluffy Among Us Logic One-shots

Ow, Charlie Bit Me!

[Synopsis: The first and only time Captain mentioned his pet snake in AUL, he stated that he once bit the mailman. But why? Turns out, pythons have a sixth sense, too.]

[Location: Captain's house]

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Knock knock knock

"Hm?"

Captain rose his head and turned towards the front door, then turned back again to look at Charlie.

"Sounds like someone's at the door, noodle buddy! Care to come with and see who it might be?"

In response, the ball python rose its head and slid up onto his owner's hand, the latter proceeding to position him over his shoulders and hat before making his way across the living room and over to the front door. A quick look through the peephole told him that the mailman was at his door, and he had a package with him.

"Oh, boy! Looks like we've got a special delivery on our hands, Charlie!" he remarked, opening the door to greet the delivery guy. "Hello, Mr. Mailman! I see you've got a package of some kind for us today!"

"Yes, I most certainly do," the green crewmate at the door confirmed, noticing the snake wrapped around the house owner...which seemed to be looking him right in the eye.

"If it's heavy, just go ahead and set it down, alright?" Captain suggested.

"Certainly, certainly," the mailman nodded, lowering the cardboard box onto the porch and pulling out a clipboard. "I'll just need you to sign here really quick, and I'll be on my way."

"Sure thing!" Captain agreed as he reached out to take the clipboard from him. "This should only take a-"

HSS!

"GYACK!!!"

The clipboard clattering onto the front porch was nothing against the sudden sound of the hiss and scream. Captain nearly jumped out of his exosuit at the sudden commotion, but once the shock wore off, he saw what'd happened and gasped loudly.

...The mailman hissed himself as he held one hand in his other, drops of crimson from the one that was previously holding the clipboard dripping down onto the welcome mat beneath them. The same color spotted a few tiny spots around the white-scaled mouth of his python.

"Whah...!? I...CHARLIE!" he scolded. "What did you do!? Bad snake, BAD!"

He bopped the reptile on the head with an open palm, which prompted him to shrink back again, then put him back down on the floor in the house behind him with a disgruntled scowl...Charlie seemed to take the hint and slithered back into the living room.

"I...I'm so sorry, Mr. Mailman," he apologized. "Charlie usually doesn't act like that. Is your hand alright?"

"Alright...It is alright?" the green crewmate retorted, now sporting an angry grimace himself. "Why don't you see for yourself!?"

He showed off his hand...It was bleeding quite a bit through the many small holes Charlie's teeth had made in his quick strike, but Captain had done his research and he knew what to do.

"Here, I-I can get that cleaned up if you want. It just needs a bit of antiseptic and a dressing for a little while, if you want-"

"I'll do it myself when I get home. Gagh...You'll be lucky if I ever show up here again after this. Just sign the paper so I can get out of here!"

Captain made no hesitation to follow his instructions, picking up the clipboard and signing on the bottom line. As soon as he was done, the mailman snatched it back and stormed off his porch, shutting the door to his mail truck harder than usual before driving off.