A Chosen Life (Hard Time Series Book 4)

Heartbroken

"Mom I'm sorry I am. I am and if I had been sober I would have never done what I did. Ever. I was wasted. I was drunk and high and I'm sorry about Tula. I...

"So your back to using drugs huh? Back to cutting as well? Is that what your telling me."

"No. I'm not cutting again. I swear it."

"No so just getting high and wasted off your ass to deal with life again. And where the fuck did you meet Tula?"

"We ended up at the same party. And I was buzzed and out of  it by the end of the night. I didn't intend on doing anything but I was feeling low and dropped some acid and sniffed some coke."

Lena could only let out a sigh and shake her head along with Callie. This was not what they wanted for Tracey for she had come so far and Stef was beside herself with anger. She had not been this angry in a long time.

"Honey, you can't do that. Especially with your history of addiction. Why didn't you come talk to us. Why? You know you can speak to us anytime about anything."

"I don't know. I was feeling really low and..

And before she could finish Stef slapped Tracey right across the face so hard the girl almost lost balance. The harshness of it even surprised Lena as Tracey held her cheek feeling the sting of it. Even Lena wasn't sure what to say and neither did Callie as Tracey held back the tears she felt spring up in her eyes.

"You better not cry. You better not shed one single fucking tear because you did this to yourself." Stef said looking the girl straight in the eyes and not giving a shit how harsh she was being. "You wanna kill yourself with that shit go ahead. Go ahead and see if I give a shit because I'm not wasting my words on it or you again. I'm no...

"Mom I said I was sorry. I am...

"Don't you fucking cut me off or ever interrupt me in life! Don't you before I knock you in the fucking face again! This time with my fist! You wanna try me or did you forget. Huh? You forget what I'm capable of?"

"No I, I didn't."

"Seems like you did. Now you do me a favor, or better yet do yourself a favor and get the fuck out. And I mean it. Don't step foot in here again."

"Baby..." Lena said grabbing the blondes hand as Stef looked to her not backing down nor giving a shit. She was at her wits end with everyone and everything coming  her way which Lena was aware of and she was doing what she could to help calm her wife. However she was not always successful as the blonde left the room more angry then ever leaving Tracey feeling like the worst she ever had. Her stomach was turning and her head was spinning like crazy. 

"Honey she's just upset." Lena began grabbing the girls hand. "She..

"It's ok Mama Lion. I'll head out."

"No you stay. Go eat something." 

"You heard what mom said. She....

"Yes but you heard what I said." Cupping the girls cheek Lena could see Tracey's eyes were glassy and that she was holding her tears in. Her cheek was also super red from the smack." She loves you honey and there has just been a few things going on. But she loves your very much and you are always welcome here and this is your home. Always. Now you girls go eat and enjoy yourself.  We will talk about this later Tracey. All of it. Understand?"

"Yeah."

"Ok. Go on babies." Watching both girls walk off Lena let out a sigh as she went into her bedroom looking for Stef. But she wasn't in there and as she walked outside she saw her grilling food and laughing along with Mike. Deep inside she knew the blonde was upset about what Tracey had done. It wasn't really the fact that she slept with Tula even if that was an issue but it was more about her using drugs. Something she had not done since getting close to the blonde.

As the evening wore on Tracey kept her distance and Stef made it known to Lena numerous times she wanted the girl out for she didn't have the patience for her nor her wreckless behavior. And as far as Tula was concerned she had no room for that either even if she was feeling some type of way about it. A way she wasn't sure how to describe and something she couldn't really tell her wife.

No one could really predict how things would go between Stef and Tracey right now and the thought made the girl sadder then she ever had been as Callie sat beside her sipping on iced tea.

" Trac mom just cares. And you heard Mama Lion. You stay and keep coming by. You are our family she just doesn't want you going back down that path. None of us do."

"Yeah I know Cal. I get it."

"Moms been stressed lately. Like really stressed. She's been having blood pressure issues."

"For real?"

"Yeah. She's on meds."

"Shit. She ok?"

"Yeah long as she follows her doctors orders but if she seems a little on edge it's because of that. But she does love you. Seriously."

"Yeah. Listen I'm feeling tired I'm gonna head home ok?"

"Don't leave. You haven't even been here that long."

"I'm tired Cal and I gotta work early. Tell Mama Lion I said goodnight and kiss baby Stef for me. I'll call you."

"You better. Don't disappear Trac. Please."

"I won't Cal. I won't. Love you."

"Love you too." Walking off Stef spotted the girl as the two made eye contact and like everyone else became super worried about the only woman who had been a mother to her. Now she felt even worse then she did before but as she stared at the blonde Tracey knew better and didn't say a word as she headed home to watch TV and try to work on her music. Life to her right now felt more empty then it ever had and depression soon sunk in. The worst she ever dealt with as she drank and consumed one drink after another.

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Stef is super hard on Tracey. Or is she more pissed she slept with Tula?