A Chosen Life (Hard Time Series Book 4)

Heartache

As the weeks moved on Stef's mobility was continuing to improve as well as her speech to everyone's delight as a result of physical therapy. Even a tiny bit of her memory was starting to resurface as she could now recall people and certain events. Maybe they weren't alwyas in the right order  but it was a vast improvement from a few months ago when she first woke up from her stroke. Sadly her memory of Lena was still very murky and because Stef had so many girlfriends at one point in her life Lena was somewhere in that mixup.

The kids continued to be a big help especially baby Stef whom at 11 years old was growing more mentally mature each day. Truth was Stef adored this little girl as she continued to show her photos and talk about what they use to do all the time. Even now she enjoyed spending time with her grandmother despite her issues. Funny enough the little girl treated her more normal then any of the adults.

Frankie as well was a big help with the blonde and found she could talk to her more now then she ever could in the last few years. In the beginning Stef had to remember to listen when somone spoke to her and she had to remember that someone was even speaking to her. As a result conversations had to be repeated maybe more then once and it was something all the kids noticed as well. Nowadays it wasn't so bad as Frankie often sat beside her while studying, told her the drama of high school life and even that she messed up with a girl she use to date.  Stef was at the point where she could even offer advice as she hung onto every word the girl said.

Callie as well tried to help even if she noticed Stef didn't engage much with her like she use to. That was also the case for Ali and many of the adults which yes once again was rather disheartened. Jude she spoke to daily as well as Noah and often wanted their company. Tracey had not seen the blonde yet for she was rather nervous and holding off.

The biggest challenge and heartache was her relationship with Lena for she slim woman still felt the brunt of Stef's frustration. It had gotten so bad a few times that Lena swore Stef was going to hit her. Fortunately she did not and walked off trying to calm herself the best she could.  It was troubling and Lena was wondering if she would ever have her wife back again.

"I took vows to remain with her through sickness and health and this is one of those times. But I will admit some of her behavior towards me reminds me of Drew Mama Rose." Lena admitted recalling her ex husband she murdered more then a decade ago.

"Oh baby..." Mama Rose said gently grabbing her hand.

"I know it's not her. But she gets so angry with me and the other day. The other day when I told her she could not leave at 11 at night to go out alone she was so furious I thought she was going to hit me.  Mama Rose, sometimes, sometimes Stef scares me.  Sometimes I'm afraid of her. And I hate that. I do." Seeing the tears fall from Lena's eyes Mama Rose held her close for this was painful. It  really was and it had been about three months since Stefs stroke and her treatment towards Lena had not gotten better. Infact it was worse and everyone had seen it. Everyone and doctors said it was due to the trauma her brain suffered. Sure Lena understood it but was it acceptable?

"Listen, I think no matter what Mama Lion has to stand her ground. You can be tough with her. And I would say you need to. Lena, Stef is still there deep inside. The Stef that loved you and this family. The Stef that looked at you like no one in this world did. The Stef that did everything for this family. She is still there and we all will continue to help her. Everyday."

"That's the thing Mama Rose. She does not love me. She will not even let me touch her. At all and everything is a constant battle with her. But I love her more then life itself and I have for the past decade. I loved her soul, her heart, the way she spoke to me as if I was sometimes this delicate flower that meant so much to her. Now she looks at me with so much hate and almost as if she detests me.  She's not in love with me. I think she's in love with Tula."

"Tula? Oh goodness no. Why because she went over there once?"

"No. I know she talks to her on the phone late at night. I hear her when she sneaks out of bed. I think, I think she wants to be with her and...I don't want to loose her. I can't loose her. It would kill me."

"Come her baby. Come here." Pulling Lena close to her the slim woman broke down into a million pieaces. She did and it was the most heartbreaking thing ever. Everyone knew this was killing her, the kids as well but they felt powerless for Lena was right. She could not force Stef to love her or remember her no matter what she did.

"I know she's unhappy and miserable. And I don't think she wants this life with us."

"Let me tell you. There are moments I see some glimmer in her eyes when the kids are around.  I have also seen her look at you without distaste as if she does remember something but can't be too sure. Honey, despite these odds that you are both facing there is a part of me and apart of you that knows she will come back from this. I believe she has to and Tula is a snake and she knows damm well what she is doing. She knows Stef doesn't remember you or this life and unfortunately she's taking that to her advantage."

"I can't stop that. Stef...

"Oh you damm can. You can speak to her just as you always have. They call you Mama Lion for a reason Lena and don't let this stroke detour you. You don't need to handle her with baby fingers or put up with how she speaks to you. Not in the least. I've heard Roxanne tell her off many times. I have so myself along with Mike."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"I know the doctor said she lashes out at me so much because I'm her primary caretaker. I try not to always be nurse or treat her like a child. I just love her so much and I hate to see her this way. Because she is still so beautiful to me and is still the most amazing person in my eyes."

"I know she is and do you tell her this?"

"No. I don't want to overwhelm her. "

"Why don't you go on a date? The two of you."

"I don't know. I doubt...

"Hush now. Take her someplace you both loved. Get dressed up and jog her memory yourself a bit like the kids have. And if she gets angry tell her you won't tolerate it. Because you don't need to baby and you never really did.  Think about it when we were all in jail you had the power to tame the most wild and roughest Lion in there and you can still do the same. And in terms of Tula don't you worry about that two bit hussy. God will handle that."

Smiling at the older woman the two hugged once again as Lena thought long and hard about her advice. However, what neither of them knew was Stef had been listening and had no idea how she felt. None. She only knew that this woman was scared of her, afraid of her and that didn't feel good at all.