A Chosen Life (Hard Time Series Book 4)

A Secret

"Nathan?" The girl asked hesitantly as Stef stared right into her eyes." How did you....

"Find out?"

"Yeah." She said looking both embarrassed and rather shocked.

 "Well my love it was sad that I had to find out from a sister I also never knew you even had as well."

"Ma I'm sorry I didn't do it on purpose. Seriously. I wasn't trying to keep anything from you."

 "Listen baby." The blonde said gently placing her hand on top of Tracey's as the girl looked into her eyes. "If anyone understands you know I do. But we have known each other for more then a decade babe and you trust me yes?"

"Always. My past was so hard to face and I almost wanted to wipe it all clean and pretend none of it happened. It was almost easier to pretend I didn't have a son then to face the fact that I lost him a few months after he was born because I was always high and messed up and cutting. I was high when he was born Ma. I couldn't face it and I couldn't face who I was or where I came from. I still don't know if I can.  But I never meant to come off dishonest and like I was lying or keeping secrets. If that makes sense."

"It does babe. It makes alot of sense actually. And I think we would all understand and do understand especially since each one of us lost our kids. You know I would try to help and still will right?"

"I know. I know ma."

"I don't just mean with your son you know. You kept a few things from me. Did you think I wouldn't love you or accept you because of them?"

"Partly. I didn't know I had HIV until recently."

"How recent?"

"A few months before your stroke. Kinda when I disappeared and went off the rocker. I don't know if I got it from shooting up years ago or from screwing in jail. I don't even know if my son has it or what. But I was embarrassed when I found out and I didn't know how to tell you."

"Trac you  need to understand that yeah I know I have gotten angry with you in the past. Over many things and maybe my anger and temper got the best of me sometimes. That I'll admit and one thing this stroke and heart attack taught me was I can't get that angry anymore. It doesn't help you, the family or myself. Somethings I don't remember but I do remember loving you, caring about you and knowing what kind of person you are. A good person and I don't disown my children. I may say shit but at the end of the day I love all of you no matter what. I just want you to take care of yourself, so that you can live a long life regardless of having HIV or not."

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I left and relapsed and didn't come see you earlier. I'm sorry for everything."

"Trac it's ok. It's alright babe."

"And I'm sorry about the thing with Tula. That was...

"Don't stress that. But let me ask do you actually remember fucking her or did she just tell you you did?"

"No I don't remember. I just remember waking up in her bed. I knew I blacked out the night before because we were both drinking and partying really hard. And dropping acid and ecstasy but I don't remember much of anything else. Which just makes me sick because I now I got this thing and...

"And she doesn't have it."

"What?"

"Yeah. We had to tell her when you left to get tested. She doesn't have it. And I have a feeling you didn't sleep with her. I think she lied."

"Why? Why would she lie?"

"Because she's an ass."

"But she legit loves you mom." The girl said taking a sip of her water and feeling confused.

"She doesn't love me babe. Once upon a time maybe but in reality she doesn't. She showed me who she was and what she thought of me."

"What? What did she say to you? Do I need to over there?"

"Ha! No love. Don't worry about her or that. I know you and I had words, well I had words with you but don't disappear. I need you, Mama Lion needs you this family needs you and I've missed you. Terribly."

"I've missed you too. Alot." The girl said smiling a tiny bit as Stef returned it and grabbing the girls hand.

"Then you tell me next time you feel as if you are going off the deep end. You hear me? Don't you ever fucking disappear again. I don't need another daughter running off."

"Another? Who Frankie?"

"No. Callie."

"What's wrong with Callie?" Letting out a sigh Stef took a sip of her coffee as she looked out the window feeling an ache in her heart. A giant ache in her heart because what was going on with Callie destroyed her more then anything and she was feeling as if she failed the girl. Each time Callie ran off everyone looked for her, high and low, but there was never any sign of her to be found. Nothing and it devastated them each and every time. Stef was terrified that one day she was going to end up dead. "She ok ma?"

"No baby she's not. A few months ago she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and she runs off every few weeks. Comes back, runs off."

"Are you kidding me? What? When did this start?"

"I few weeks after I had my stroke, well a few months. She started to change alot and it just got worse."

"Shit. What about Pete and Andrew and baby Stef."

"Pete is doing what he can um Mama Lion and I have custody of baby Stef, and we help Pete with Andrew."

"So Callie lost her kids?"

"Yeah."

"Dam. That's really sad. That's terrible. And she won't get help?"

"No. She won't stay long enough to get help and we have looked high and low for her. I can only hope she comes back each time."

"I'm so sorry mama. I am. I can try to help and do what I can. Callie has always been my sister. Always."

"I know sweetheart. You can help by coming over because I have a new grand baby I want you to meet."

"What? Who?"

"Jude and Olivia had a little girl. Amelia."

"Oh  my gosh that is so sweet!"

"Yes so we are having a cookout this weekend and you are coming. And where are you living by the way?"

"I got a room at the Y. I lost my place."

"Yeah? Is this place safe? MM?"

"Yeah it's fine. I'm good. I'm good ma."

"Well I need to check this room out. Infact fuck that I think you should move in with Mama Rose and Stuart again. We need you closer and not just living in some room babe."

"But they have Ali."

"No Ali lives with me and Mama Lion. So I don't even need to see this room. Pack your shit and let's go."

Tracey could only laugh for she was happy to see that her mother had not really changed. Maybe she was a tad softer but not much.

"And for the record I'm sorry for the way I yelled at you that time and threw you out. I was more stressed then I wanted to admit and wasn't feeling so great. I'm really sorry babe."

"It's ok ma it really is. It was dumb of me to start using again."

"Hey shit happens. You are doing well now that's what matters. Hear me?"

"Yeah." The girl said smiling as the two finished their meal together and Stef headed to help her pack.