A Chosen Life (Hard Time Series Book 4)

Should I Go?

STEF POV

Watching Lena storm off into the bedroom I didn't really know what to think or what to even say to her. I knew I needed to say something as I slowly got up and grabbed my cain walking toward the room. She was right in the fact I was and had been very mean to her. I had and maybe I could control it more then I had been. At times possibly for she didn't deserve it because one thing I did notice was she was a kind person. Very but I could also see why they called her Mama Lion.

"I, I don't think I should stay here anymore. I don't think it's a good idea." I said cautiously as she now turned around to look at me rather harshly. "It's too hard for me to, to stay here. It's too hard. I'm going to stay with my brother."

"So you are going to just leave our kids? Because it's hard? This is not the Stef I know. It just isn't."

"Because I am not. I am not that person and, and I feel pressure to be that person. I'm trying everyday Lena. Everyday I am and I'm a stranger to myself and everyone in here. I've had to learn to love all those kids we have. All of them. And you are scared of me."

Looking me in the face I saw her let out a sigh and rub her forehead.

"I'm tired of being a burden to everyone especially to you. A woman who is my wife but I can't remember. Do you think I choose to not know you? I'm trying all the time to remember even one thing. But there is an entire block of time that is, that is missing. I'm sorry for that." Feeling tears run down my cheek I could see she was tearing herself which made me feel terrible. It made me feel awful as I continued to stand there waiting for her to speak.

"You are not a burden to me Stef or to anyone in this home. Ever. When I married you I took vows and I take those vows very seriously. Yes at times our life has been extremely challenging and yes this has been the biggest challenge we have ever faced as a couple. But I am not giving up on you ever because I love you. And these children we have and grandchildren love you too. All of them. Baby Stef lives here because of you. And she didn't even want to live with her own mother and baby brother because the bond you two have is so strong and sweet. It still is. Listen, I can't even begin to imagine what it must feel like to be in your shoes. To not remember who you were or the life you had. I can't and I'm so sorry this happened to you baby. I am and I wish it never did."

"I know. It's, it's not your fault Lena. You help me so much everyday. And I have not been nice to you.  Sometimes I'm angry at the world and at myself for letting this happen to me and for ruining your life. I'm, I'm sorry."

"Hey sweetheart you didn't let this happen and you didn't ruin my life. And you have nothing to be sorry abou." She said getting up and walking over towards me. Grabbing my hand I felt her hold it so softly and with the other she cupped the side of my face as I looked deep into her brown eyes for the first time. "You did not deserve what happened to you Stef. Not at all because you were and are a good woman. So good and just one of the most special people there are in this world and I want you to know that. Everyone in this home knows that. Everyone."

"I don't see anything special about me Lena." I admitted as the tears continued to fall. "I'm a lost cause, I can't even button my own shirt or take a shower alone. Or drive our kids to school. Much less remember all their names. How am I special?"

"Come here. Please." She said grabbing my hand and walking me to the mirror. " I will tell you what I see when I look at you. I see the strongest person I know who survived a massive stroke and a heart attack might I add. I also see a beautiful soul one that has touched and changed so many lives in this world and continues to. Do you know how many cards you got from people. From all the people you helped during the last decade? And phone calls wanting to know how you are and wanting to come see you? So many that none of us could even keep up with all of it."

"And Callie. Because of you Callie is the woman she is today. I know you don't remember but it's true and the same is for her sister. Because of you and your strong commitment to her as well she is living an amazing life too and has an amazing relationship with Callie. One she did not have before. Had you not been around none of that would have happened. None.  The same with me baby.  Because of you my heart is full, and you made me a stronger person, the strongest person I've ever been in my life.  Now when I look at you baby I see all of that and so much more. I see my home. I see a woman I was always meant to be with. Always regardless of what happened and you have no idea how very grateful I am that God allowed you to continue to live and be in our lives. Because I have no idea, none at all what I would have done if we lost you. So you see that is everything I see when I look at my wife, my best friend and my soul mate Stef. Everything Stef."

It was the first time I was able to listen and comprehend everything Lena said as tears were streaming and rolling down my face as well as hers. It had been beautiful what she said and I had no idea she felt that way. None at all as I turned to face her. Letting out a soft smile she affectionately cupped my cheek as I smiled back maybe for the first time since my stroke.

"There is that smile that I love. There it is."

"I didn't know any of that. I didn't."

"I know and I should have told you before. But Stef, please don't leave baby. Let us try a few more things ok? Let us try."

"Ok." I said as she hugged me so warmly and I could genuinely see what a good person she was.  That and more.

________

:(

I hope Stef sees the difference between Lena and Tula.