it's you, it's always been you

chapter 3

As soon as Josh spoke, they could hear Sam's mom's voice booming from the living room, calling for Sam. Sam turned to look at Deena, with a terrified look on her face, but Deena's was different, she wasn't scared, she was angry.

Deena saw Sam as one of the only sources of sunshine in this dark, gloomy, pathetic town of Shadyside. And every time Sam was around her mother, Sam crawled back into herself.  It was easy for her mother to easily and almost, happily, take away Sam's strength and light that Deena loved about her.

She became small and submissive to her mom. Sam played a role for each of her parents, not showing her real self in order to be accepted by them. It was exhausting for Sam, to keep up the act. But when she was in Deena's house, with Deena and her family and their friends, she felt real. It wasn't exhausting to be around Deena, Simon, Kate and even Josh.

But outside the world of their little bubble, Sam was so tired. Sam tried with everything in her to be enough for her family, to finally feel loved by them. But day after day, her mom reminded her that she wasn't enough. She wasn't smart enough, straight enough, (fake) happy enough, never enough for her to get her mother's acceptance and love. Something Sam craved more than anything else her whole life. Something a child should get without strings attached.

There was always this small void in her chest where that love was supposed to be, and Sam felt it everyday. She would put on a smile and try to focus on the good things in front of her. But Deena saw right through it all, she was the only one that ever saw Sam for who she truly is deep within her.

They slowly made their way to where Sam's mom was yelling. Deena stood in between Sam and her mom, trying to protect Sam at all cost, not caring for a single moment if she was going to get hurt. The flashing red and blue lights engulfed the living room, adding even more intensity.

"Samantha you are coming home with me right now. Get away from her." Sam's mom demanded trying to get around Deena, but Deena predicted her moves and stood her ground in front of Sam.

Deena looked to Sheriff Nick Goode, who the whole town knew, at the doorway with as much anger she had the second she heard Sam's mom's voice. "You can't let her take Sam! She treats her like shit! Look at her face! This isn't even the first time she's done something like this!" Deena's voice was full of anger, but there was also begging in her voice, for the police to help Sam.

Sam took a step back and watched anxiously as Deena defended her. It was the first time anyone ever has, and in this moment she realized how in love she was with Deena. How much she truly and deeply needed the girl. She watched in awe as Deena yelled at the cops, as she held onto the back of Deena's sweatshirt.

Sam finally made eye contact with her mom. Sam knew that there was no changing her mom's mind. Her mom felt entitled and above everyone in this room, and she wouldn't stop until she got her way. If she didn't give up now, this would only get worse. There was only way she could make sure Deena wouldn't get hurt by her mom.

Sam's hand was shaking as she stepped forward between Deena and her mom and turned to Deena. Sam leaned into Deena to rest her forehead on Deena's, savoring this moment, unsure when there would be another one, if there will be another one. She put both hands on Deena's face, gently caressing her cheekbones with her thumbs. "Deena, you have to let me go. She won't give in. You will just get hurt too. I can't put you in danger.  You're everything to me." Sam whispered to Deena, wanting to be as private as she could be in this situation. Tears started to fall from Sam's bright blue eyes.

Sam grabbed Deena's hands that laid on her own face and took them off her. Without looking back she walked towards her mom who took her arm with such a great force, as if her mom wanted to hurt her.