it's you, it's always been you

chapter 46

"Deena," Sam groans when she turns over and realizes Deena's not in bed with her anymore. Her light blue eyes open to find herself alone in Deena's room.

She turns to see that it's dark out now and can make out a few stars in the distance. Sam stretches her back as she stands.

Sam stands in front of Deena's mirror, lifting Deena's sweater to see her skin. Her fingers graze over her stomach and ribs. It's terrifying to her how much weight she lost from treatment. Sam knew if her mom found out, she would be proud of Sam.

Deena opens the door slowly, thinking Sam was still asleep. She watches Sam as she runs her fingers down her stomach. It was just as terrifying to her how much Sam changed because of chemo.

"Sam?"

Sam flinches when she hears her name and turns to see Deena at the door, quickly pushing her sweater down.

"I'm sorry, I just wanted to check on you. You have to take your night medicines. And there's pizza, if you want to try to eat."

"Yeah, I wanna try to again. Thank you for reminding me about the pills." She placed a kiss on Deena's cheek before Deena led them to the kitchen.

"Sup, Sam." Josh gave her a nod as he opened the door to the basement and went down there with his plate with pizza.

"Sup," Sam replied with the same nod, making both her and Deena laugh.

Deena sorted Sam's medications and handed them to her.

Sam argued with Deena at first about her watching over her medicines, but Deena reminded Sam of when she fainted in her arms. Sam gave in, she knew there was no changing Deena's mind to take care of her.

Sam ate slowly next to Deena, she badly wanted to keep the pizza down and gain weight to help build her strength again.

"Sam, I have a question, but I don't want to upset you... why did you forgive Olivia, after what she did to you?"

Sam sighed, she knew what Deena was going to say after she spoke Olivia's name.

She used to have nightmares over it everyday for months after it happened, sometimes she still does.

Sam shrugged, "We were kids. It was an accident."

"Sam, it was 4 years ago. Nothing accidentally locks like that. She didn't accidentally forget you." Deena was the one that found Sam.

Whenever Deena saw Olivia at school, it took everything in her to stop from screaming or slapping her. Even after four years.

Sam ate the last of her piece of pizza. Her teeth sunk into her bottom lip as she remembered what happened.

It was the summer before freshman year, and Sam was trying out for the cheer team. As in Sam's mom was making her.

Olivia was also trying out. They lived by each other and both of their moms were friends. Sam's mom was trying to pull Sam away from Deena, so she always invited Olivia and a few other girls over for Sam.

One night, Olivia and Sam that was trying out for the cheer team were dared by a senior cheerleader to skinny dip in a pond by the high school and then run back where they were having a cheer practice.

Hazing in Shadyside sport teams was typical over the years, and the incoming freshmen always got it the hardest each year.

So Olivia and Sam ran to the pond, but only Olivia came back.

There was a shed next to the pond where Olivia and Sam took off their clothes before they jumped in.

When Sam and Olivia got out, Sam was standing in the shed, getting dressed when Olivia, pushed Sam back into the shed. And closed and locked the doors.

"Whoops! The door locked by accident. Stay here, Sammy! I'll get a key." Olivia told Sam from the outside of the doors.

There weren't lights or windows in the shed. Sam could only see through small cracks of the shed.

It felt like forever to Sam when she was stuck in there. She pushed and kicked and screamed but couldn't find a way out.

Olivia told everyone when she got back that Sam backed out and went home.

Kate was also trying out for the cheer team, and knew something was up when Sam didn't return.

Kate went to Deena's house after, thinking that Sam would be there. Kate told Deena what happened, and Deena was worried the second Kate told her.

So they went to Sam's house, but Sam's mom answered the door. Sam's mom hated Deena so she ignored her questions and told Deena to get off her porch.

It wasn't until Sam didn't show up to school the next day did Deena and Kate know for certain Sam never went home.

Sam never missed school, she hated staying home with her mom and would only ever miss if she was really sick.

Kate and Deena searched the area between where the pond was and the cheer practice was.

As soon as Deena saw Sam's bag outside the shed door, she knew what happened.

Kate ran back to get help at the school and Deena talked to Sam through the door.

When they opened the doors, Sam was huddled onto the floor, her knees to her chest and her arms around her legs.

Sam told everyone it was an accident and that Olivia didn't know the door got locked.

"I just wanted it to be over. I didn't forgive her. At one point we were friends. And I didn't want her to do something like that again so I just let it go. And try not to talk to her again."

"I would've punched her in the bathroom today, you never deserved that, Sam." Deena wrapped her arm around Sam's back. Deena and Kate told the principal what happened but Sam denied it, so Olivia got away with it.

"I know, that's why I pulled you away." Sam looked over at Deena with a soft smile. If she knew that it wouldn't have gotten Deena in trouble, Sam would've let her.

"You have no idea how incredible you are, Sam. You are so much stronger than you know." Her hand went to Sam's cheek, caressing it with her thumb.

"You make me strong," Sam whispered before kissing her.